Everyone hates me

[lovetorun00]

I have crippling social anxiety - before I meet anyone (including those I know well - family and friends!) I get a terrible churning stomach, bad nausea, feelings of absolute dread, diarrhoea, horrible adrenaline rushes and very obvious sweating and blushing. I’m sure that everyone I encounter can see how uncomfortable I am and therefore they automatically dislike me and think I’m a pathetic person who isn’t worth knowing. CBT helped a bit and Sertraline has helped quite a lot but I often don’t manage to get to the doctor for a repeat prescription - they insist on a review every six weeks but life is so busy. I have to put the kids and work first. As a result I’ve had lengthy delays stopping and starting it again.

I can’t shake the feeling of huge self loathing, disgust and absolute hatred of myself. I’m a fucking waste of space.

I turn to cigarettes and alcohol once the kids are in bed because at least it’s a temporary escape.

You’re not putting your kids and work first if you leave yourself unable to function.
Is there someone in your life that you can trust to make you keep up with the prescription?

And I know people say how dangerous it is to stop and start sertraline but for me it hasn’t been at all. I get no side effects. The only difference is when I do stop it, the social anxiety ramps up hugely.

I was really sad to read that you think everyone hates you. think you’d benefit from asking your doctor to refer you to a clinical psychologist. You need more help dealing with the root causes than the secondary physical symptoms. Hope you manage to find a way through this op.

I’m sure they do hate me, because no one wants to be friends or associated with someone who is so anxious and weird.

People want happy, bubbly and confident friends.

This sounds terrible for you, you need to discuss this again with your GP. Make sure you prioritise your GP appointments to ensure you get your medication in a timely manner to control your anxiety, in my view making sure you stay well is putting your children first. Make the appointment immediately after attending your last one, maybe ask for a telephone consultation.

Treat yourself to the kirsten neff phd and chris germer phd mindful self compassion work book. Do the exercises. Take it one chapter at a time. It's a great book.

The surgery won’t make appointments in advance like that, you just have to call on the day. Honestly I have so much self loathing. If I disappeared tomorrow the world would be a slightly better place.

Does anyone else feel like this?

You need to prioritise getting regular medication if you say it makes you feel better. Book appointments each time you go for 6 weeks later.

Presumably you are functioning ok in work & holding things together for the kids?

I do aim to prioritise the GP appointments but life is just so chaotic.

I’m functioning but only just. I feel like I’m almost at breaking point - it’s not far off.

Yes I know what you're saying. It's hard to take time out for medical appointments. I wonder if they would do a phone appointment. My surgery offers these since covid & it means you can go to work.

You need to prioritise getting yourself better 🥰

Husband is also at his wits end - he said he’s struggling with me being so down and miserable all the time. Who can blame him.

No, everyone doesn't hate you. Get back on the sertraline (stop making excuses) and ask your GP to go on the waiting list for CBT. Or give up smoking and use the money saved to pay privately.

Drinking alcohol is one of the worst things you can do for anxiety.

I’ve got two under two.

The sad but perhaps comforting truth is that nobody hates you. Nobody thinks much about you at all. They are too busy thinking about themselves, just as you are. This level of social anxiety is a kind of obsessional self-focus. It is so damaging and painful and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

I got better from this slowly, through radical acts of compassion, for strangers as well as others in my life. Through systematically caring for and forgiving others, I eventually learned how to care for and forgive myself. Something about dampening down the amount of time I spent thinking about myself by occupying my brain with thinking about other people seemed to help, somehow. It was hard but I did come through it. I'm not saying this is the perfect solution, or that it's your solution, only that my life was limited by feelings like this and I did get past it. Maybe that's useful to know. Good luck.

It’s dangerous to stop and start these meds, because all the shitty feelings come rushing straight back in. You need to speak to your GP urgently.

Hey, stopping and starting sertraline will be causing the increased anxiety. Set a reminder on your phone to make sure you order your repeat on time. Do they not have an answering service that you leave a message to order?

I very much doubt everyone hates you! The majority of people have their own problems. Try to be kind to yourself .

Yes

The thing is in the nicest possible way, your not helping yourself. Get a prescription if sertraline and prioritise your GP appointments. Your husband sounds frustrated. Take control of this situation and you might feel better.

As someone who is married to a man with social anxiety like you describe yours to be, I can offer an honest viewpoint. You’re right, most people want outgoing, bubbly, fun company. They don’t want to feel like they’re dragging it out of someone who clearly doesn’t want to there. My dh flushes and sweats and is sometimes unable to appropriately respond to people making normal conversation with him. He is normally left to drift on his own after people clear off to chat to someone easier to talk to. Harsh but true.

At least you’re willing to address and seek assistance with the problem. That’s huge. My dh won’t and as a result his world has become smaller and smaller and him more miserable. It’s a horrible affliction to suffer from and I think support for it is woeful. I don’t have any answers but know that I understand some of how it is for you.

Your heath should always come first. You're not doing the best for your kids if you use alcohol and cigarettes to cope instead of your meds.

The doctor won’t allow me to just reorder - I have to come in every six weeks for a review, even though I’ve got on very well with it. They don’t seem to understand that it’s hard to get into the surgery with two kids and work.

Hate is perhaps a too strong word, but I do worry hugely that people don’t like me.