I hate my baby

[Secondchildregret]

Honestly about to refer myself to SS because I really want to hurt my baby.. I’m at my white end and I don’t know what the fuck to do.

10.30 I finally get to sleep, ds1 wakes up coughing at 11:15 wakes the house up, then ds2 wakes up at 12:00 whining crying screaming shouting wimpering - nothing settles him he’s really ruining my life. Wel it is ruined. My brain aches every single day. It’s 2 am and I have to be up for work in 4 hours and function in normal society.

literally not one family member has them overnight there’s no option for anything else. I hate the affect he has had on my life. One year in and I get ~3.5 hours a night broke sleep. I FUCKING HATE MY CHILD it’s been like this for a YEAR.

12 times I’ve been up and down trying to settle in the last 2 hours, he goes quiet and then whimpers off screams again.

it’s never ending.
people don’t understand the severity when I say I’m tired, this is torture, absolute torture

yes we’ve seen doctors and they say he’s fine. Someone needs to take this child away from me

I was actually considering sleeping in my car because of my neighbours baby. Not even mine. I checked me and my daughter into a hotel one night. My family live in another city so wouldn’t work for school or work. It was serious torture for 9 months.

My neighbours baby was like this. It was absolute torment for me and my child. I checked is into a hotel one night then resorted to sleeping on my sofa with the tv on. It went on for 9 months. It has stopped now and it will stop for you. I absolutely hated my neighbours, I was making mistakes at work. We live in a new build quite a small house and I couldn’t even escape it in any room next door from them.

My neighbours woke my son at 4.am every single day for a year. They had a radio alarm against the adjoining wall in a room they didnt use. They refused to unplug or reset it. I was ready to murder them. Then they moved and a new lot moved in and they played loud music till 2.am every night. Lack of sleep is torture for everyone.

i'm sorry to hear. I had a non sleeper. The hospital actually said they'd take her back for a few nights when she was born and didn't sleep. I wish i had taken them up on it and don't know how my mental state would be if i knew then how long it would go for. It was over 2 years of if i was lucky i'd get 3 hours broken sleep. She was lactose intolerant, sleep school wouldn't take us becasue it was 'medical' reasons she didn't sleep. It was very dark and lonly place then. Said child is nearly 14 and still doens't sleep! Thank fully doesn't keep us up. I had to raise her bed on an angle lol sometimes it was like she was standing. I would talk to someone though as maybe there's services that can step in and give you a break.

I am a big advocate for sleep training BUT would not suggest it in this occasion.

What’s that cough??? Your child is unwell, you really need to know what is going on before you leave him to his own devices.

Constant coughs at night is most likely asthma. I was told repeatedly that they couldn’t diagnose it until he was 3 but that didn’t mean he didn’t have it.

It is very likely that they are telling you the child is fine because by the time he gets to the GP the allergen is removed, it is another time of the day and he is authentically fine. I had the same as well until I took DS to the GP in the middle of an episode and after trying to stabilise him with a nebuliser at the surgery, she ended sending him to hospital in an ambulance.

Is your child in formula? If so, try different brands until you find one that agrees with him more (it doesn’t have to be the lactose free necessarily, mine was at his worse with it even when it does help most children). Just bear in mind that it takes a while for the body to get rid of an allergen so although the cough can go after 2-3 nights, you won’t see much difference for a couple of weeks.

If it is asthma, a good vacuum cleaner used often and a food diary are your best friends. If you have furry pets don’t allow them in baby’s room or on textiles/furniture your child uses regularly himself.

Do the UK have sleep schools. In Australia you can be referred to a government funded in residence sleep school for desperate cases. I know two people who did it and it saved them. Referred by their GP and a surprisingly short waitlist.

My eldest did this, settled fine but then woke constantly. Have you had an ige blood test done for allergies? Turns out that was pur problem. No other symptoms

The cough stands out to me and needs further investigation before sleep training.

Walking crying is one thing, but what's causing the coughing? That's not normal, and shows that they're ill/allergic to something/have asthma/silent reflux. I'd be talking to my GP about this ASAP, as if this is sorted I bet they'd sleep better.

Sorry your going through this OP, it’s hell on Earth shiny no sleep!
couple things you have said have made me think about reflux, has your baby ever been treated for reflux? Coughing and screaming/being in discomfort are both signs, might be worth asking the GP about x

I hope you are asleep op and you managed to get some rest.

It is the exhaustion talking.

In the end you become so sleep deprived and broken you lose all bearings. I know the feeling well. I don't know how you are still working with this situation as it is. Please ask the GP to sign you off for a few weeks so you can sort out your baby's cough, get some rest (baby should still go to grandparents) and try and work out how this can be better when you have the ability to think straight.

You are being pushed to the end of your limits with exhaustion, and you now need to enlist every available option to get your through, doctors, health visitor, night nurse, everyone should know you are struggling to manage and let others take over for a bit op. It will pass, I promise you.

Pretty much same as what others have suggested - 1. consider SSRIs - they won't make you or baby sleep but will help with the anxiety about the night which in turn will help you relax. I got to the point I was throwing up with tiredness and literally didn't sleep all night for fear of being woken. The SSRIs helped within a week.

1. What you describe does sounds like a potential dairy or lactose intolerance. My niece has just grown out of it at 3. If you haven't already consider this then worth thinking about. Once they removed dairy the wake ups changed from full on screaming to a mild whimper.

1. Sleep train - no one ever regrets it.

Wishing you all the best. Hope things improve very soon.

I no you day your pil won't take for more.but would they if they new how desperate you are.
You don't talk of the other adult?how are they finding it.are you being supported and supporting eacother.is that relationship ok?
Don't feel guilty.thats like hitting yourself with a second arrow and only makes things worse.your them spiralling and focussed on that instead of a way forward.
Do you have any friends.
Keep talking.jeep communication of how you feel.
Get some time off sick.because darling you sound very poorly indeed.
I no it didn't solve the problem.but even by the end of your posts on here you seemed a tad more settled.
Use us too.

Have you sleep trained?
I know it’s demonised here for some reason but sleep isn’t a want, it’s a need.
Youre at the end of your tether which isn’t good for either of you so would you be open to trying?
I sleep trained with both of my kids and they’re completely fine and great sleepers.
Maybe you could contact a sleep consultant. You can get ones who actually stay at your house for a few nights to help.

There are lots of medical things that might be causing the lack of sleep as pp have said, get it investigated!

Don’t have time to RTFT but I just wondered if anyone’s mentioned asthma? The cough may well be an indicator. DD did exactly this every night for about 4 months, waking herself up coughing and crying about every hour through the night. My GP was about as much use as a chocolate fucking teapot. I went multiple times and in the end - when I broke down ugly crying in his office from frustration and sleep deprivation - he shrugged and said “get some earplugs”.

Turns out she was asthmatic (a friend suggested I get her checked), and the minute she was given a baby inhaler it all stopped. It had gone on for so long unfortunately it permanently broke her sleep patterns, but at least it was bearable after that.

The stress and exhaustion honestly turned me into a raging lunatic and permanently aged me, so you have my immense sympathy. I hope you manage to get some help 💐

I haven’t read the whole thread but have you looked into food allergies, mainly cows milk allergy?

I have 2 babies with CMPA and when they accidentally eat something with dairy in, even the tiniest amount, they’re up like this all night. Go to sleep fine then wake up clearly uncomfortable, writhing around, moaning, whinging, nothing you can do to soothe them. Want to be left alone but also want you to be there.

it might be worth investigating?

the only other suggestion I have is to try sleeping on their bedroom floor (on a mattress or air bed obviously) they may be suffering with seperation anxiety, don’t necessarily want to be held or cosleep but need to know you’re near in the dead of the night. It’s not a healthy habit but honestly anything for some sleep right?

and yes please call in sick, don’t tell anyone but your boss and sleep for the day.

Go to the doctor and get a test for milk protein intolerance. You are in a tortured place right now so you’re maybe not thinking straight - it happened to me. Thing is. Babies don’t cry and cough for no reason. I was nearly mad with sleep deprivation by the time we got diagnosed milk protein intolerance identified. Switched to oat milk and food. He started sleeping.

I've had a child who doesn't sleep and I really did consider giving her away, I obviously didn't but I did think about it. It's exhausting, draining and soul destroying. Mine got better but it was a long hard road. Call the doctor for yourself and separate appointment for child. I went for cbt and it really helped me cope. The coughing sounds like a problem. Mine used to cough not every night but I found a humidifier in her room stopped the air drying out and helped. Maybe the window open a small bit? Get checked for asthma and silent reflux, have they always had the cough or only recently? If Doctor fobs you off keep taking them back but focus on the cough not the lack of sleep. Call in sick, take child to childcare or whoever has him when you are at work and sleep. You'll think clearer and it will benefit everyone.It's so tough but it will get better I promise.

I was about to say the same thing.

OP it’s not normal for a child to wake coughing night after night without some underlying cause. And it’s often worse at night with coughs because they are lying down.

I had DC2 checked earlier this year. Just booked a GP appointment due to persistent cough and the GP referred them for a full check up with paediatrician. Conclusion was not asthma but a series of infections that they couldn’t fully shift (mucus in lungs is a breeding ground for infection, apparently). They prescribed a super strength course of antibiotics which seemed to do the trick.

No she absolutely needs to be reported to enable her to get help. I'm sorry but if this baby ends up on the news none of you will be describing her as a 'good mum'.

Joining in the chorus of voices to ring in sick, get some sleep, tell your doctor how you are feeling, force investigations for allergies for baby. Sounds exactly like my CMPA baby, within 2/3 days of cutting out dairy we had a sleeping baby. Have you got pets in the home?

Sorry not rtft, but it sounds like acid reflux to me: when they're lying down it creeps up the gullet and pools in the throat which is painful and makes them cough. Have you tried gaviscon or omeprazol?

Have you tried a nightlight? (Maybe he is afraid of the dark?) Melatonin?