I hate my baby

[Secondchildregret]

Honestly about to refer myself to SS because I really want to hurt my baby.. I’m at my white end and I don’t know what the fuck to do.

10.30 I finally get to sleep, ds1 wakes up coughing at 11:15 wakes the house up, then ds2 wakes up at 12:00 whining crying screaming shouting wimpering - nothing settles him he’s really ruining my life. Wel it is ruined. My brain aches every single day. It’s 2 am and I have to be up for work in 4 hours and function in normal society.

literally not one family member has them overnight there’s no option for anything else. I hate the affect he has had on my life. One year in and I get ~3.5 hours a night broke sleep. I FUCKING HATE MY CHILD it’s been like this for a YEAR.

12 times I’ve been up and down trying to settle in the last 2 hours, he goes quiet and then whimpers off screams again.

it’s never ending.
people don’t understand the severity when I say I’m tired, this is torture, absolute torture

yes we’ve seen doctors and they say he’s fine. Someone needs to take this child away from me

Another one for ferber method. We did at 6ish months & he's always been a decent sleeper bar illness & regressions etc.

Also how much day time sleep is he having? For a 1 year old, 2.5 hours of day sleep seems to be average to prevent under/over tiredness. (Researched this when my son was 1) worked for us.

I hope things get better for you and you all get some rest. Also agree on a sick day! Sleep sleep sleep.

We had one of these. He grew out of it eventually and w actually like him now as well as loving him.

Mine couldn't be sleep trained as his was due to constant colds and his cough waking him up. Leaving a drink by him helped and being really on it when he got ill to get antibiotics straight away. We did also go to bed obscenely early so we'd get a chunk of sleep before he woke up and often it worked.

I remember going to sit in the car to cry and having to leave the keys on the house because otherwise it would have been too tempting to drive away. It was fraught.

Like I said though, he did grow out of it and is genuinely lovely now.

I've been there and my god it is so so hard. My little boy cried constantly until he was two years old day and night I honestly don't know how we survived it .I had no idea a child could cry for 12 hours a day solid without stopping. We basically had to take it in shifts, wear earplugs, go for lots of drives and walks. You mention the baby coughs a lot could they possibly have a milk allergy?. We tried cranio sacral therapy which did help a lot. My son is an excellent sleeper now but still a Cryer during the day I think it's part of his personality he's highly strung and easily stressed.

Please call PaNDAS on 0808 1961 776
You need support.
Also visit Gp, you may be able to get a referral for melatonin for your child or a sleep school.
It's completely brutal being so sleep deprived. There is help available.

Have they tried a decent reflux med? The coughing in particular flags something is not normal. If necessary you need a private paed appt where you won’t be fobbed off. It’s pricey but you need to prioritise it.

Ffs,.,sleep train honestly I’ve bloody had 4 kid2 of them twins

My two were like this if they hadn't been out for a walk. I cut they're daytime naps down to half an hour at 18 months any longer they would be awake most of the night. You say nobody has them for you. Who has him while you're working?

The coughing is a red flag IMO and I wonder if the gp has missed reflux. Speak to your HV, try again with gp. I am so sorry you are going through this, but reflux is so painful, it is worth asking for treatment.

I’m hoping you are getting some sleep now.
Take care OP

I agree with @endofthelinefinally. This child may be in pain and need medication for reflux. My youngest had it until age 4 and has only just reintroduced dairy at age 8.

What keeps him awake? You mentioned he coughs do you think it could be something to do with gas in his tummy or gerd I would get him checked out it could be anything physical, neurological or emotional. Also check for signs of autism autistic children find it hard to stay asleep. If everything Is ok I would say don't give him too much attention at night just a soothing voice, minimum interaction shushing, patting don't get him out of bed just calm him down in his bed unless he's very upset. Some white noise might help him stay asleep. Do the same thing you do every night consistency is key. If nothing works find an exorcist! On a serious note, can you get him some childcare while you get some sleep? They might have respite creche at some children's centres maybe your gp could refer you if you explain how the lack of sleep is impacting on your life. Hang on there, I promise it won't be like this forever.

This really does sound like pain - I have awful reflux and can wake in the night in agony, panicking and coughing. I imagine if I was a tiny baby I would be screaming my tits off about it!

If not reflux, trapped wind can cause horrific pain too and there would be no real outward sign and not necessarily any obvious constipation either.

The coughing shows that it's silent reflux.

Have you looked into cmpa? Sometimes it only shows up through severe silent reflux. Any other symptoms such as

The lack of sleep is brutal. I've been here, I had similar feelings. Please admit how you feel to the GP or HV. I was given very quick access to counselling services and it made a huge difference - I wish I hadn't waited til extreme crisis point before admitting the lack of sleep was tearing me apart mentally.

Is there any way another adult can take the baby out for periods in the day so you can catch up on some sleep then?

Ps OP I PROMISE - PROMISE - it all gets easier when they are older. I know it seems forever away but in a couple of years this awful period will honestly be a distant memory and your feelings over this will heal.

Absolutely call in sick and sleep while your oh’s parents have them.

Then get the GP to look for reflux and asthma. You mentioned DS1 coughing too, so get both of them checked.

Tilt the mattress slightly. A rolled up towel will do.

Earplugs.

Split the evening / night with your oh so you each get a block of 5-6 hours sleep (in the car if necessary, as long as you are in a safe location) as a short term solution.

If it doesn’t turn out to be asthma or reflux then sleep train.

You can do this!! 💐

He could have reflux, which would explain the coughing and crying/whimpering. My child had reflux. I would book and appointment with the Gp.

It’s not the baby waking up coughing - the OP says the older child was coughing and woke the baby who then won’t go back to sleep.

Sorry nothing useful to add except to say take the day off, call someone and try and come up with a plan to try tonight.

JingleHorse the baby is also coughing. The OP doesn’t mention this in the first post but she twice refers to the baby coughing in subsequent posts.

We had similar with baby 2
We hated her - I sometimes hoped she’d not wake up.
I feel awful about it now (obviously) because she’s such an adorable 2-year old now.

Anyway, one of the main things causing her discomfort in sleep was the milk - she turned out to be lactose intolerant and we eventually got her onto a special formula which helped a lot. That might be worth investigating.

1. Take sick leave and get some sleep
2. Ditch the dummy/pacifier
3. Sleep training, ie let them cry

Do it for a week and it will be better, maybe not perfect but better.

I 1000% agree with someone who said for you to phone in sick. For as long as you need to get back to feeling better.

phone in sick, don’t tell the grandparents and sleep all day. Sleep all weekend or at least get a few hours each day for a nap. Do this every weekend if needs be. Your sleep is your health, don’t feel guilty. Just phone in sick and take care of yourself on those days.

sending you lots of strength

I had a non-sleeper. I would sometimes sleep in the car to get an unbroken stint on sleep. Maybe once a week. If you can get a day off work every now and then use it to sleep. When I was where you are now, I'd rather sleep than use holiday to go on holiday.

God this was me and it was miserable

even worse, we lived in a flat so couldn’t do anything about crying it out

i would:
get yourself antidepressants pronto

try getting him to CIO

sleep on a mattress in this room and see if there’s something bothering him? My son was scared of the neighbours coughing which kicked off at night and we were unaware for months until I did this. Then we moved his room.

What do you think she’s doing?
Berating her for opening up is ridiculous