Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

helpddgrow can you and DH split up, one of you take DD out and the other stay wherever you are staying?

We don’t always go away all together because of DS1’s needs, but when we do, we often split up and do different things because of DC’s differing needs.

@Runnerduck34 @Stilllivinginazoo whatever the results today, I hope DD and DS can see what an achievement sitting the exams in the first place was.

Well said Bounce. Wishing those getting results today the best of luck and that they can be really proud of themselves for overcoming barriers and managing to sit them at all.

Much to our relief DD managed to pass her maths gcse- the only one she sat. She got a grade 4 , which doesnt truly reflect her ability, but is such an achievement after just 6 ish months of maths tuition since year 7, no revision and exam panic/ meltdown.
So very pleased.

More good news she has been awarded pip and she has higher rate of both compenents .

Had a kerfuffle with LA over transport been desperately trying to sort it whilst on holiday- they wont arrange transport to forest school run by tuition centre which is her favourite activity. Just academic lessons/ tuition centres main location.
Tuition centre may not be able to transport her and if they do they will take an hour of her ( reduced) tuition hours to pay for it and i cant take as im working:(

Hurrah! Both for PIP and the maths GCSE. Sitting the exam was an achievement, passing is amazing. If DD wishes to resit in the future to better reflect her potential she/you can look at that then, but for now a 4 is brilliant and allows her to move on the next stage.

If you need support with a transport appeal contact SENTAS. Gavin is excellent.

Congratulations to DD Runner! Good news about PIP too.

I hope it’s ok to post here, have been reading the thread and although my Dd (11) seems to be responding differently I am very convinced her issues are anxiety related - with possible ND.

She has always been an anxious child and hated any change to her routines, slept terribly (I generally sleep with her) and become very distressed with change. However, this is coming across in a fight response and up until now this has generally been directed at me but has now, following a pretty big change, also been directed at other children - meaning she has no friends, and she is affecting others.

I need to get her support, but she refuses to let me speak to school - saying it will ruin her life. I am going to doctors to see what I can do, but I feel desperate - and people are just seeing meltdowns, where she screams and shouts, throwing herself to the ground.

I needed to share with people who might understand - thank you.

My daughter was like this @ComeTalkToMe . I figured l was the adult, so ld take charge. I contacted school, but told them on no account to share with my daughter. She got better about this as she got older.

Dd slept with us until 13. Your Dd sounds ND.

Hth

Thanks so much for your reply. We’ve had another discussion this morning, where I’ve outlined some things that need to happen, she has very grudgingly agreed to talk to someone. She’s told me she hates me and I’m not a good mum for this, but as you say I am the mum and we need help.

We have called this feeling that overwhelms her ‘Frank’ as she won’t talk about feelings or fears.

I have been reading this thread and the support for each other and your children shines through. This is bloody tough!

@ComeTalkToMe my dd wouldn’t speak to counsellors at first. Then we came across one who gave her some pretty coloured gel pens and asked her to do a spider chart. Breakthrough! She’ll talk to any mental health person now. I always kept them separate from school now.

What really helped my daughter the most was fluoxetine though. Transforming.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow it’s the little things sometimes isn’t it?!

Do you mind me asking how is your daughter doing now?

She’s 17 now. Much better. Dropped out of 6 th form due to ND issues. Hoping for college.

But lively, happy, bright. Fluoxetine was the game changer. Anxiety much better.

We have called this feeling that overwhelms her ‘Frank’ as she won’t talk about feelings or fears

This so much. Became much more open about 14, kind of when she realised we were in her side and adjustments at school DO make life easier. She’s very open now, still won’t discuss some things, but comes round to it eventually. Always find side by side chatting is better.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow that’s good to hear she’s improved, and yes to the side-by-side chatting. Seems slightly easier.

Lively, happy, bright - such a lovely description ❤

Welcome @ComeTalkToMe. Would DD be better able to engage with a therapy that doesn’t rely on verbal communication so much e.g. animal assisted therapy, art therapy or even something that isn’t technically therapy like MindJam?

Do speak to the school. You could ask if they have anyone who can deliver anything like emotional literacy support, Zones of Regulation or similar. In some areas you can self refer for an ASD assessment.

Teen DS1 sleeps with us too. Most of the time he at least starts the night in his bed now, he still requires us to help settle and stay until he is asleep and always end up in our bed during the night, but until relatively recently he started the night in our bed too.

Thanks @1bounceforward2back she may, particularly animal or something movement based I think. It’s so very difficult when she won’t talk it through but going to reach out to someone local and see if we can at least start a conversation.

I’ve always been happy to sleep with her, but I think now it’s becoming another sign she needs some support. At the moment though I must admit I’m happy to be close to her as I know she’s hurting.

Welcomecometalkto me
Another mum who co sleeps..dd2 is 19,ASD and it's easier to get some rest with her than be constantly woken trying get her stay put in her own bed!!

@Stilllivinginazoo thanks for the welcome. Having a tough day here as DD has gone into school after having a meltdown on Friday in front of lots of people - I’m proud of her for going but trying to keep myself calm.

The cosleeping is definitely easier than getting up multiple times a night.

Congratulations DD maths and PIP @Runnerduck34

Welcome @ComeTalkToMe

We have had a relatively calm summer here. I have kept demands and expectations to a minimum and counselling was kept up. The start of school is around the corner which I am slightly dreading. My dd seems ok about it but I know that the anxiety will ramp up and most days will see her being exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed.

@helpddgrow school can be so difficult can't it? So hard for them to get away from the people that make life difficult for them.

Could I ask your experiences of Fluoxetine for your children with anxiety please? My daughter is 15 and socially anxious. It's affecting her grades and life in general. Also awaiting Asd assessment.
I am keen to try propanolol for her first to deal with the physical symptoms ie shaking, rapid heart rate and sweating. GP was not keen. Not mentioned Fluoxitine yet but it may be on the cards if she continues to suffer.
I'm mostly concerned if she starts at this age she may end up dependent on them for years and that the may end up increasing the dose. Also I worry about the long term effects. I would hate to deny her a treatment that could potentially transform her into a confident and happy child. I'd really appreciate your experiences if you have time. Thanks.

It’s improved my DD’s anxiety but not as much as l hoped,

I don’t care if she’s on them for years if they make her function. She’s much happier on them.

Fluoxetine didn’t work for DS1. He also tried Sertraline and Citalopram. He now takes Mirtazapine which does help in conjunction with Risperidone and some meds to help sleep. Although it isn’t a magic wand.

NICE guidelines states antidepressants should only be started following assessment by a child and adolescent psychiatrist and alongside therapy.