Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

Runner that is a poor excuse. The draft must not name a placement or type of placement, but section I is blank with your EOTAS anyway. If you wanted a school/college you would still get the opportunity to name your preferred placement whether EOTAS is mentioned in F or not.

Im told specification of 17 hours is still under discussion.

Remind them that isn’t how the AR process works. They need to include the amendments they propose to make in the draft which must be sent within 4 weeks of the AR.

@Runnerduck34 I am so sorry to hear about the situation with the LA and hope that things do get sorted out

I just wanted to say what an amazing group of parents we have on this thread. I am in awe of all the knowledge, generosity, empathy and support that is shown on this thread. The levels of patience and resilience used in supporting and advocating for your children are inspiring. Thank you all for sharing and posting.

@okisenough Thank you, I agree this thread offers amazing support, im very grateful to zoo for starting it.

How is everyone? How are you zoo???

We are still in limbo with amended EHCP, submitted comments waiting for LA to respond.

DD doing well but new meds are making her jittery, its her final GCSE maths paper tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

Im enjoying the hot weather but feeling drained, work is busy, then have EHCP annual review result hanging over us, never ending housework, family commitments etc .

Hope everyone else is doing ok

Runner I hope DD’s maths exam went OK. Sorry you are feeling drained. The LA have 12 weeks from the AR to finalised the amendments.

DS1 is not enjoying the warm weather, he really struggles with heat. DS3 has started attending an outdoor pursuits place 2 days a week, it is going well so far so I’m hoping he can settle there.

runner I cannot believe the amount of crap you LA give you trying to secure a basic right for your child's education😤
Furious on your behalf

Bounce D's also is not a fan of the heat,nor us dd2

Lovely to hear updates from everyone and some positives like trying exams etc

I'm sorry I went AWOL

Things are HARD

I've not been well for a while,finally hot bloods drawn and was issued a text to collect iron meds two weeks ago,thought nothing of it and then had call g.p Friday last week,having just collected them,informing me my iron levels critical (4,when should be 12) and blood volumes very low(if it drops two more points would require transfusions)got book more bloods next week in hope of slight improvement....explains why I've been having palpitations,not been able to think at all,needing naps and been out of it when pounding the streets walking dd2 for her 3-4 hours a day trying to regulate her😞

Kids wise,
Ds has done his GCSE maths papers.not expected to pass,but they looking to bridge gaps.he did fine 1+2,yesterday's one was too hard and he was upset couldn't do it all as hates maths and had hoped to be done with it this year.he enjoys ceramics,art and animal care.us doing science and resit literature next summer as unhappy with pass he got after 3months you tube tutorials last year.tgey still talking about sitting something equivalent to a level starting next sept if can facilitate staff.sadly,they've had a take over and lots things up in the air,staff left etc.morale is low with staff moaning a lot about stuff and kids pick up and complain how much they hate it too he's struggled a bit.masks there all the time spending time quieter /more needy students at breaks(Ryan likes try kiss him and strokes his hair)

Lol zoo is approaching GCSE mocks and is having total wibble refuse go school today.ive spoken HOY and she tells me can't do exams in pink room as staff signed off there's not enough cover for students to be in there much,and library is no longer be used for anyone but dyslexic students as anxiety now affects more than 20%her year group so that no longer meets criteria of smaller space as it's not possible up facilitate such numbers they're opt to put said students at the back/edges halls where er they most comfortable😞..however,with her statement they go push see if can get her into the library for main exams,biology tom is going to be in her office..

Dd2 started her ASD assessment last week.i have development one coming up then we get feedback on 28th june.she did interview and started history open access but is start wonder if jumped in too quick as her anxiety is so unmanageable and she is very difficult to cope with.sleeps by/on me,requires long walks daily,constant seeks reassurance for health anxieties and all manner of things and gets very angry if I refuse.had an epic yelling match at me last night when she was so overwhelmed and anxious I said calmly she needed to learn how to stop escalating on things out of her control/minor stuff and she blew a gasket saying if it was easy she would've sat a levels etc life's so hard for me right now,you dont understand etc.i gave up and switched off to her as no matter what I said it was wrong.sge stormed upstairs hysterical and slept in her own bed(well lay there) thinking I was angry and too scared to come back.i had peaceful break and was able actually got done chores this morning uninterrupted as i left her sleeping til 9am!
She's on escitalopram now,but it's making no difference tbh.everythings just too much,and she cannot regulate herself AT ALL.

gawd,that's turned into a right essay!

Anyways,I'm back and hopefully I will get the emails telling me someone's posted and can check in properly!

Looking forward to the end of the school year,and hopefully be feeling bit better by then too

@Runnerduck34 I am not surprised you are feeling drained. The LA should just do things properly and not string things out, these are people's lives and well-being.

@Stilllivinginazoo you really have had your hands full. I am sorry to hear about you feeling unwell and hope the iron meds do their job and make you feel better soon. It's so hard when you have to bear the brunt of an angry outburst, I have endured my fair share, I know it's my dd's anxiety but it still takes a toll on our own mental health. You have to take the breaks however they come to help you deal with things and recharge for whatever comes next. I wonder whether it is worth speaking to GP about trying a different medication.

Things at my end are ok. We have good days and bad days and I am trying to 'trust the process', she's still seeing the therapist which I think is going ok and the beta blockers do seem to help. I am trying to take a long-term view, looking for small wins rather than a big leap. We are looking to the next step in terms of what happens after school which is causing some more anxiety and stress but she also knows that she has to get through this. There are definitely days where I would very much like to find a cave and hide in the darkness for a day. I also cannot wait til the end of the school year.

Zoo I am sorry to hear you haven’t been well and you still have so much on your plate. Fingers crossed the iron tablets help. Well done to DS for sitting GCSE maths. Good luck with DD2’s assessment.

OK I am glad you are starting to see small glimmers of progress. Thinking of support after school, does DD have an EHCP?

Thanks for the kind words

Ok glimmers of hope are what keep us going mist of the time❤️

Sounds very postive about outdoor pursuits placement bounce, maybe the weather will break soon. Its worse when its humid.

Zoo im sorry you have been so unwell but at least they now know whats wrong and hopefully the tablets will help.
Sounds full on with your DC,fingers crossed for maths gcse and asc assessment. I wonder of your DD would benefit from sensory intergration therapy. It is helping my DD to regulate but we had to fight to get it via ehcp process.

OK, i find its a real rollercoaster of up and downs but pleased you are seeing small wins.

We are in wales this weekend visting relatives so its nice to get away. DD sat all of the papers for gcse maths but we also dont expect her to pass as shes only been doing maths for 7 months and before that year 7 was the last time she had a maths lesson but proud of her she had a go.
I would say looking forward to end of term but very apprenhensive at the moment about what education, if any, DD will be offered from september.

Sorry, I meant after 6th form is over (still another year to go).

Runner I hope you enjoyed your weekend away. Sitting all the maths papers is an achievement in itself, I hope whatever the results DD can see that.

OK EHCPs can continue after sixth form if DC don’t move on to higher education. They can continue until 25, or 26 in some circumstances.

Hi can I rejoin? I was here for a bit but haven’t posted in ages. I have an 18 yo DD with severe anxiety and depression. She is housebound, no college, job, friends, nothing, she lives her life in her pajamas in her room. She left school 18 months ago and has been like this ever since. She was seeing CAHMs but they were useless and since she turned 18 all support stopped. GPs have been terrible too, it was on the day triage phone appointments with random GPs never the same one twice, they said she was suffering from low mood and gave her propranolol. An 18 year old anxious teen girl does not want to discuss her issues on the phone with a middle aged strange man.

I have offered to pay for counselling, take her to my lovely female GP, start with sitting in the garden then walk to the end of the street etc. she read the side-effects of anti-depressants and wouldn’t take them. Also she would be entitled to Adult Disability Payment (we are in Scotland) but she won’t apply. We are fortunate in that we can afford to keep her but she could save it up for when she’s better or the plan was to use it for private counselling.

I swing between being incredibly angry at her as she won’t help herself get better to just feeling so sad for her and crying every night, she’s so frail and unwell looking too. A shadow of the bubbly girl she once was, it breaks my heart. I just want to help her so much.

It is good to see you, @sweetkitty. You could request to become DD’s appointee. Then you will be able to apply for ADP and, if eligible, UC on behalf of DD.

@sweetkitty
Welcome back.
Im so sorry things are so difficult right now, its heartbreaking to see your child struggle and see them so unwell, such a powerless feeling.
My DD also reads all medication leaflets and then its a struggle to get her to take them.
However medication has been really beneficial to her as has OT for emotional regulation and Art therapy.
Its so hard to get a GP appointment and no wonder she doesnt want to talk to a random man on the phone.
Therapy and your female GP sounds a good start. Pethaps GP could explain side effects versus benefits for meds?
Sounds like you are doong an amazing job supporting her in really difficult circumstances.
When DD waa very shutdown i also couldnt tempt her out if her room, keep trying , just go up there and chat about random things, light chat, no questions, no demands , sometimes my DD would be more active in the evening and we did midnight walks or drives, anything to get her out.

Thank you I’ve not been very well myself recently and I’ve dropped days at work so I’m hoping being around more will be more of a support to DD. I keep saying to her the side/effects usually wear off after 3-4 weeks you have to give them a chance.

@sweetkitty Yes sadly medication takes a while to take effect and side effects whilst its settling can be unpleasant, its trial and error finding right medication and dose. DD has been prescribed a new medication that is making her very very sleepy, we are meant to be increasing the dose but have held off whilst she was doing her maths GCSE so will slowly up it now but shes not keen on taking it.
Sorry you've been unwell, the stress of looking after DC with MH problems definitely takes its toll on our own physical and mental health, I think I have been having feeling physical side effects of prolonged stress lately, We managed a rare weekend away last week and I didnt want to come back- its so hard to switch off at home, getting away for 2 days felt like an escape from continuous pressure. I hope reducing your working hours will ease your stress levels and also help you spend more time with DD and perhaps feel less torn in two.

Welcome back sweetkitty
I'm sorry to hear things are still incredibly hard.i agree with bounce about be appointee.my g.p accepts my "interference" with dd2,despite her be 19 as she wouldn't access help by herself
Scaling back work is wise if viable as you have so much on your plate.its hard to look after your own needs xx

Thanks for your wise words as ever ladies, I don’t know if she would accept me being her appointee though she can be incredibly stubborn at times.

Just had the second part dd2 ASD assessment -developmental discussion with me.feedback/result is next wednesday

Zoo that is brilliant to hear.

Sweet you wouldn’t necessarily need DD’s permission to become appointee for ADP.

Runner I hope you manage to find time to look after yourself. You are no good to DD if you burnout.

Welcome back to @sweetkitty , it's so hard to know what to do and how to make things better without making things worse whilst simultaneously trying not to fall into despair yourself. Therapy would be helpful, it isn't a miracle cure and progress can be slow but it does seem to be helping dd. And I feel like there is someone else shouldering the worries and issues besides me and dh.

@Runnerduck34 I am glad you got the chance to have some time away from everything.

@Stilllivinginazoo good luck for next Wednesday

Glad ive found this thread. My dd (15) is highly anxious & suffers from agrophobia.
Hasnt attended school for 18 mths.
She is currently on wait list for asd assesment.
But ED Phsych thinks she has many traits.
Im terrified for her future. She has no real life friends. Her only contact with others out of the home is online.
Despite almost a year of therapy this doesnt seem to change.
I desperatly want to help her but dont know what i can do for her

@allthingsred
Welcome, pleased you found us.
Unfortunately there no magic wands but this thread is a listening ear, with a lot of shared experiences.
Does your DD have an EHCP? Are school or LA providing any alternative health needs education? They have a statutory duty to do so but most LAs dont do it willingly.
Also if you havent already its worth applying for DLA.
Its good shes accessing therapy, its a very long bumpy road but hang onto hope, things will get better.
Medication is also somethimg worth considering, is she under CAMHS?
Its very painful to see your daughter so shutdown.
For me accepting the situation and trying not to helicopter in with solutions, questions, demands helped, just low level non demanding chit chat. Being there when ready to open up ( which is always at an inconvenient time!) Midnight walk or drives, easier to talk when doing an activity. Its worth looking up the parenting mental health fb page ( although tbh it can be a bit overwhelming with all the posts!) And looking up the book never let go by suzanne alderton
On another thread someone for recommended aane.org for friendships groups for autistic teen girls but it is still all online.
Anyway thats all a bit long, but just wanted to say you arent alone and you are welcome here anytime.

Welcome allthingsred
You are not alone,runner has given you a fab list of ideas to mull over
You also need to think about your needs,it's incredibly stressful and exhausting caring for children like ours.
Do you have support in RL to lean into?