Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

Thank you Zoo

Glad you found me @MuddlingThroughWithoutAClue ...I didn't realise the thread would fill last few spaces in a quick flurry!
Hope the others find us soon.x

Hello, can I join? I currently have a thread about my 13 year old son who opened up about his depression. With a bit more prodding I've found he's very anxious about failing and he feels he will have let everyone down if he doesn't do perfectly in school. He's a very capable boy (gifted and talented) but I think the pressure of being gifted is getting to him. It did me. I just hope I can help ease his anxiety around schoolwork and he doesn't do what I did and start truanting.
Any tips are welcome for a very kind, loving, generous boy who is struggling with anxiety and depression.

Thank you for the new thread Zoo.

Welcome HerRoyalHappiness. Having had a quick read of your thread, if DS has suicidal ideation I think you should talk to the GP and school. I know DS has spoken to school and they have already put a couple of things in place but I think you should also be in contact.

DS1 and DH are on their way home and we can continue with his treatment at home.

Welcome herroyalhappiness
If you pop a link for your thread,or want pm me more please feel free(I'm on my phone and it's crap nagivating the site now).
Do you have any support?(partner,friends,family etc)it's very hard caring for an anxious child and somewhere to offload is essential,as is having someone who appreciates the little wins (and let's be honest in RL something that's huge for an anxious child can be dismissed by someone who hasn't been there) this is partly why I started these threads as I needed my own little community to turn to.
Next question is what do you do for you?
The hardest lesson I've learned is you can't pour from an empty cup,or my favourite you wouldn't let your phone battery die,so why let your self care one wither...we've had many over the years from reading to bubble baths,painting nails to crafty choc bar hiding in the bathroom.if it gives you give a lift take it!
Twirl glad D's is homeward bound.whilst I'm sure she is more than capable is comforting to be able to see for yourself they are ok.hope shoulders improving too

Thank you zoo thread is here
I generally don't drink but I needed one the other night.
I don't do much for me to be honest, I'm autistic, mentally ill and disabled with 3 kids.

Hi Guys I´m here (finally found you). Thanks for all the support on here. DS had his induction at the UTC and he really liked it. And looked super smart in his uniform. It was just wonderful to see him actually do it after being at home all this time. And for me it was great to have the peaceful house to myself for a few hours for the 1st time in about 2 years - what a gift!

twirl sorry I missed your post. I have been in touch with both GP and school. GP said waiting list for counselling will be a while. School are aware of what's going on and have assured me they'll keep a close eye on him.
He's at music club tonight so he won't be home until about half 4, but I'll speak to him and see how his day has gone, hopefully buddy the therapy dog will have helped a bit.
mac I'm glad your son enjoyed himself.

@MackenCheese that's awesome.very jealous you had house to yourself,between my lot I can't remember last time I indulged in such luxury!I hope it continues to be an upward period for you both.
@HerRoyalHappiness gosh,that's tough lovely.im a little confused,is ex all 3kids dad or just younger ones(bloody perimenopausal brain fog)..
Have you any family/friends etc?
I don't have strong support and it's very very hard on your own so i will say it again.*you have to look after yourself"..(and I say this as a full time mum with depression and whilst dad's on scene we don't live together,not that he much help as has MH issues of his own so effectively single parent without any parents alive etc)
The dog sounds great,as does chaplain,so that's something really positive,as is his general nature engaging his siblings and wanting engage new activities.lots of positivity in there.i mention these not to dismiss his difficulties but you highlight there are some things you can cling to that are going ok.we all need something like that

Yeah ex is the dad to all 3. He just ignores DS1 as he's a teenager now and "too much like you" (me)
Yeah lots of good things that I'm trying to get him to focus on. He'll only do activities if his best friend is going though, so it's hard to get him to do something without her as he let's her do the talking for him a lot of the time. She's a lovely girl and she's really helped him come out of his shell a bit, but he's still so anxious about the world. Which is no surprise really when he's being threatened with knives. It'd make anyone anxious.

I definitely need to find some stuff for me and take time for myself. I'm terrible for not doing and it's no good for my mental health at all.

MackenCheese Hurrah! I am so pleased to hear today went well.

HerRoyalHappiness if you are autistic have you considered whether DS may be? Perfectionist, depression and anxiety, high achiever, communication struggles could all be part of that.

If DS has suicidal ideation I would push for a CAMHS referral even though it will take a while. That way you are in the system should you need to seek urgent attention if you are worried you can’t keep him safe. EMDR can also be helpful for trauma. DS1 has PTSD and isn’t in a place to be able to engage with EMDR at the moment but I hope one day he will be able to.

Have you had social care assessments?

Zoo lovely, if I lived near I would be coming to give you a well needed and deserved break. I hope you are taking heed of your own advice. My shoulder is feeling a bit better since it was put back in, thank you.

I've mentioned to the GP that DS1 is very like me and I suspect he may be autistic but I was brushed off.
I did tell the GP to put us on the pathway to CAMHS despite how long it would take. Hopefully they'll take us a bit more seriously than the GP did. Although I don't like that GP anyway, and have actually asked never to have him again as he is condescending, rude and brushes off any concerns about anything with a "well you're disabled" so of course DS will be anxious, of course DD has selective mutism (more anxiety. Also linked to autism), of course DS2 had behavioural problems (which were actually autism)
He even brushed off my DDs psoriasis as "just a stress rash because obviously she's got a lot on her plate with you being disabled" now she's so covered in it that she needs UVB light treatment 3 times a week.

I joined an EMDR trial to see if it helps with psychosis. It's very interesting. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your DS will be able to participate one day.

Yeah, SS have been out and assessed everything to make sure we're getting the right support. I'm very lucky that I have my mum, stepdad and my brothers to rely on when I need them, and my house is as adapted as possible, although i do need to move to a bungalow but 3 bed bungalows are few and far between in social housing.

DS did go to see the chaplain today and talk to him about how he's worried he'll get moved down sets from top set and how his dad might react if he does. So that's positive that at least he's talking. And he's telling me too.

I hope everyone gets some sleep tonight. I'm heading for a shower and bed and hopefully feel a bit more human tomorrow.

Have a good sleep. I’m glad you have some support. It’s positive DS is sharing his feelings, that’s half the battle. In some areas you can self refer for an ASD assessment. If that’s not possible in your area, as the school have been supportive so far ask if they will refer.

DS1 has SM, he doesn’t have ASD but does have another condition that in some ways presents similarly (although in other ways presents differently). DS3 (does have ASD) also technically has a SM diagnosis but copes quite well with it now most of the time and wouldn’t get a diagnosis based on his presentation now.

Thanks zoo for new thread.
Twirl I'm pleased DS is coming home and hope your shoulder is getting better.
Mackencheese, that's fabulous news about the school and I hope you get many more peaceful hours at home by yourself.
I really miss having house to myself, used to have a ( school) day a week home alone before covid and now both me and DH WFH every day and of course DD is out of school so is also here all the time....
Welcome yourroyahappiness, glad you found us. I hope today was a better day for your son.

@HerRoyalHappiness hope you got some sleep.as twirl says the fact D's feels able to talk is half the battle.secondary school referred my youngest for ASD assessment (on wait list)D's we were able to self refer.pleased you have family help.no offence intended,but that g.p sounds like a right dick.(I totally get what you mean though as I've had my share of if you have MH probs X,y,z (to do with kids stuff)must by caused by your problems
@1twirlforward2back thanks lovely,ditto.
@Runnerduck34 glad you found us!

Thanks. Yeah GP is a dick so I've complained to the practice manager and refused to see him again. There's just no need at all.
I'll speak to school about referring DS1 for an autism assessment.
He's woke up this morning and doesn't want to go to school. Said he's worried about sports day today. He really doesn't want to participate as he has a heart condition and asthma so he panics if he gets out of breath. I would usually keep him off for a mental health day when he's feeling so low but school are on my back about his attendance.

HerRoyalHappiness what is DS’s attendance? If DS can’t attend school full time because of his MH and will miss more than 15 days (the days don’t need to be consecutive and don’t need to have already been missed) the LA have a duty to provide alternative education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996.

You may find this LGO report that has just been released interesting.

Ah thats interesting. His attendance is around 81% at the minute. So of course school are complaining and telling me it should be 96% or more.

You should ask the LA for medical needs provision. Also, check the absences are being recorded as authorised. And think about applying for an EHCNA.

Thanks twirl I'll look into that.
He's gone to school today very reluctantly. He's feeling really rubbish again, so I had to phone school and we basically bribed him and told him he could spend an hour with the therapy dog instead of doing maths.

How's everyone doing?
DS anddd2 hate the heat so both are very stressed currently.doesnt help D's hates noise of a fan too so...

I'm not great. I ended up in hospital over the weekend, which has made DS1 extra anxious. He was texting all weekend.
But I'm home. I have a catheter in, and have to have a follow up with neurology but otherwise I'm doing OK. I'm numb but OK.
DS1 isn't though. He doesn't want to leave me to go to school today.

Just found this thread and didn't want to lose it ! Fantastic x

I[´m so sorry to hear this. I hope you managed to get DS off to school so that you can get some rest and recover. Or bin school and let him watch telly today. Either way he needs to be gently told that you will recover quicker if you have rest, and him being in school is a part of that. Maybe there are some end of year activities he can look forward too. Hope you have a good day 🙏.

@HerRoyalHappiness I'm sorry you were so poorly over the weekend.agree with @MackenCheese about what to do today.rest,keep your fluids up in the heat,and remember we are here💐

@doubleshotcappuccino welcome.would you like to tell us a bit about what bought you to us?