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Original poster

One major reason for poor mental health is some people want to see you suffer, surrender and die?

87 replies

Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 06:49

Anyone have insight on this that they'd be willing to comment on? Despite being resilient and doing everything- and beyond - of what is required of me in every aspect of my life, I feel I'm still not making headway. I'm a good mother, hard worker and keep myself to myself and even that is not valued. I have been to hell and back.

Advice on the thread title and the sub context is appreciated.

OP posts:
ChagSameachDoreen · 02/07/2022 06:54

Who are these people?

I can't say I relate to this, as I avoid people who make me feel bad or bring me down.

Maytodecember · 02/07/2022 06:55

Who is not valuing you?
If another person is the source of pain, hurt, damage then the solution is to remove them from your life, though I realise this is often easier said than done.

I think if it’s a person or persons as per your thread title then they’re very toxic and have no place in your life.

SaltySalad · 02/07/2022 06:56

Who wants to see you suffer?

Is or your family and your employer not valuing you?

if so, you need to rethink both. Get a new job working somewhere you feel valued, and only seeing family who treat you with respect.

NutellaEllaElla · 02/07/2022 06:58

When I read the thread title, I thought that's ridiculous. People mostly think about themselves and people generally just want to be happy. It takes a lot of energy to actively have a vendetta against someone and life isn't a superhero movie.

Kezzie200 · 02/07/2022 07:20

I'm no expert but I do wonder if our personalities play a part in our mental health.

When you see replies to such issues on here, you can already see for one persons problem others would just cope, or deal, with it and move on.

In my case, I have a perfectionist personality which was driving me to anxiety snd stress in my 30s. I took therapy. I identified the source - until then I hadn't realised the root of it and that I was a perfectionist. I was given things to read about it and some coping strategies which I've worked on over the years.

Of course, the problems I faced were due to the interaction of my real life experience and my personality.

If we are blaming others for our poor mental heath, work out why we are and find a coping strategy, which might include moving on from their friendship. It might also be your own misinterpretation. Try cbt therapy to identify and deal with your MH issues as it is likely to be far more complex than a post on here will allow.

Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:21

I'm a single mother, immigrant, who a few ago managed to escape domestic abuse. Despite excellent references and work performance I didn't get the promotion for a role I'm already at. This has been acknowledged by senior management. I was too honest in my interview about why I wanted the job. I know that I am excellent at my job. I care incredibly for it. Can't say more on that front.

I can't change jobs as I live semi rural and don't drive. Also my work know I get universal credit and some child maintenance. Due to the lockdowns my driving test was postponed several times. The money I had set aside for getting on the road I am using to go back home for the first time in 10 years for my DC and too see my frail DM, also I have been partly financially supporting my DP. Although wonderful, they are in need in their old age. It's all too much.

I feel I am not enough

OP posts:
Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:22

a few years ago

OP posts:
Yodaisawally · 02/07/2022 07:23

No that's not the reality for me.

I do have issues with mental health but it's not it her people that make me feel like that and I don't believe the average person person sets out to make people feel like that.

Sure there are some complete arseholes around and I'm sorry if you are dealing with people like that but it's not the norm.

Yodaisawally · 02/07/2022 07:26

You need to start holding back, why does your work need to know about your finances? What do you mean you were too honest about why you wanted the promotion?

By DP do you mean parents or partner?

MichelleScarn · 02/07/2022 07:27

Despite excellent references and work performance I didn't get the promotion for a role I'm already at. This has been acknowledged by senior management. I was too honest in my interview about why I wanted the job. I know that I am excellent at my job. I care incredibly for it. Can't say more on that front.

What was your reasons? And who got the post?

Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:28

I have an intrinsic reward system, I'm an introvert, though I feel this is being eroded by work and other external forces. External for instance my NDN is a creep and I had to call the police to do a check because of his behaviour. So my housing (private rent) feels insecure. I want to move back home but I would only earn £300pm and we wouldn't survive on that.

OP posts:
Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 07:28

To be honest

your thread title is hyperbolic and actually…. Very odd

Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 07:30

Also work knows I receive universal credit and child maintenance

so?

Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:31

Yodaisawally · 02/07/2022 07:26

You need to start holding back, why does your work need to know about your finances? What do you mean you were too honest about why you wanted the promotion?

By DP do you mean parents or partner?

Because there is major economic depression on the horizon? I haven't told my work at all about my finances. They can gather that all surely, as I'm a single parent.

By DP I mean parents

OP posts:
Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 07:31

you have “an intrinsic reward system”

what on earth is that?!

Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:36

Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 07:30

Also work knows I receive universal credit and child maintenance

so?

Which is a driving factor in how staff are allocated to positions, etc

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 02/07/2022 07:37

What did you say in the interview? Did you tell them you wanted the job because you wanted more money? It sound like an issue with your interview technique rather than your manager wanting you to die.

Are you getting support with your mental health?

Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:37

Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 07:31

you have “an intrinsic reward system”

what on earth is that?!

Never mind

OP posts:
MintJulia · 02/07/2022 07:37

There are some absolutely vile people in the world but the answer is 'this too will pass'.

My last job, there was a salesman who saw it as his reason for existing, to make my life hell. I never did find out why. I needed the job (rural, single mum too) because it was very close to ds' school so I stuck it out for 4 years.
But covid, lockdown, furlough & redundancy came. DS moved school and I could find a different job with lovely people and good prospects.

It will pass. x

Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:39

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 02/07/2022 07:37

What did you say in the interview? Did you tell them you wanted the job because you wanted more money? It sound like an issue with your interview technique rather than your manager wanting you to die.

Are you getting support with your mental health?

Yep. I did say that but i also said it would give me the drive to move upwards. I really think I must have asd because I struggle with being dishonest.

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 02/07/2022 07:39

Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 07:31

you have “an intrinsic reward system”

what on earth is that?!

It just means you feel good when you do something well or achieve something.

MintJulia · 02/07/2022 07:43

And OP, while there may be a recession on the way, there is also a major skills shortage in the U.K. at the moment.The job market is more buoyant than it has been in my life time. For the first time since records began, there are more vacancies than there are people claiming unemployment benefits.

You sound tired and depressed. Have a break and then come back, take your driving test and move job.

Things will get better, and quicker than you think. xx

IGotItInTheSales · 02/07/2022 07:44

Can you define 'poor mental health'

Original poster
Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:45

MintJulia · 02/07/2022 07:37

There are some absolutely vile people in the world but the answer is 'this too will pass'.

My last job, there was a salesman who saw it as his reason for existing, to make my life hell. I never did find out why. I needed the job (rural, single mum too) because it was very close to ds' school so I stuck it out for 4 years.
But covid, lockdown, furlough & redundancy came. DS moved school and I could find a different job with lovely people and good prospects.

It will pass. x

Thank you x

I need to move jobs but the pool is very limited. At my work there is nepotism, favoritism, etc and I'm finding it very difficult to swallow.

OP posts:
Ohthatsexciting · 02/07/2022 07:47

Dailymenu · 02/07/2022 07:36

Which is a driving factor in how staff are allocated to positions, etc

Show quote history

That is most bizarre

Not to say discriminatory