Urgent- suicidal friend

[aliasname]

My friend has been messaging me today saying how she wants to end her life. She is currently sectioned (for about 6 months now) and she has told her psychiatrist about being suicidal, hence they are refusing to discharge her.

The way she talks is quite scary, very matter-of-fact and genuine. I'm assuming since she's an in-patient in the mental hospital (I don't actually know which one, but can take a good guess) and under a psychiatric team, they will already know about this & keep her safe?

I'm reluctant to phone and warn them, as it may get back to her & then she no longer trusts me as a safe friend.

She just keeps saying she wants to get out and 'do what she has to do'. She's also refusing the medication prescribed.

Do I just keep talking, or do I go behind her back and alert someone (to something they almost certainly already know) ?

i know of someone in a m.h. unit, a patient.
they are allowed their mobile phones, but not the charging lead.
those leads are kept in the ward office and they bring their phones to be charged there.
it seems to work quite well.
a reasonable compromise.

@gamerchick i know, it’s my job. No evidence that hospital admission works for some patient cohorts - if it’s to maintain safety, a 72 hour “circuit breaker” admission is recommended, but beyond that it’s not beneficial. Community treatment is much more beneficial for the individual. No one should be sectioned “for years”

I agree, it is constantly assessed, what I meant was in handover we would know if the patient should be on line of sight or 5/10 minute OBS, I meant to reassure that she is in a safe place and risks are continually evaluated

Had more messages from her (nothing since February, then suddenly dozens every day) I'm not surprised they won't discharge her. She keeps repeating that she has to kill herself, they force her to have ECT which is useless. Now saying weird stuff about demons and taking her hair and teeth out.

The weird thing (to me, as I have no knowledge of severe mental illness) is she seems to have no awareness of how horrific it sounds, I never realised people could be this detached from reality.

@askgoogle are YOU ok? This is a lot to be dealing with, you must look after yourself - which could mean restricting how often she can message you.

I hope your friend feels better soon.

Sorry, wrong person, @aliasname , obvs. Hope your friends are ok too, @askgoogle !

Thanks, I'm okay. My temptation is to swoop in and try to rescue but I'm learning to take a step back & not be too involved. I'm confident the hospital have her safe and secure (how could they not when she's raving about demons and the devil) so I'm just going to try to listen without giving advice or becoming swept up in it.

I like the pp suggestion of talking about future visits. I did consider sending her a blanket (I crochet) but then worried she could unravel the yarn and hurt herself & that would seriously piss me off lol

Yes, ruining a hand made item is no good at all!

A nice card or promise of a coffee when she's fit might be best.

You are a lovely friend. It is hard to take a step back, for sure. She's safe where she is, just be careful that you don't get drained yourself. There's crochet to be done for a start!

Thanks for your reply. I like the idea of sending a card or suggestion to meet for a coffee.

Tbh I'm stuck for how to reply to her, other than basic platitudes, because I can see that nothing I say will have an impact. I mentioned that ECT needs a few sessions to be beneficial, but she just ranted about how they were forcing injections on her after she refused to take pills, and her therapist would send her to prison for tax evasion.

I'm actually shocked, I know people with various mental health problems including myself; but I find it hard to understand or believe that someone can be that detached from reality. In my limited experience, mental health means anxiety, depression, OCD... but this is another level.

Its actually insanity, which in my naivety I always thought just meant someone a bit different, an odd way of thinking or acting... but no, it really is long-term sectioned, suicide watch, voices in your head.

Oh, she must be really feeling disorientated.

I've been in a similar situation with a friend - and landed up just making sympathetic noises and saying to mention it to the nurse/doctor and that she'd feel better soon.

She's not going to be able to engage in a meaningful conversation with you so platitudes are fine.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you"
"I hope today is easier than yesterday"
"I hope you get some sleep tonight"
"remember the staff are there to help you, you are not very well. If it feels like they are not being helpful that might be a symptom"
all on loop - and then, when it got a bit much:
"I'm going to be busy for a couple of days but I'll speak to you on..."

Your poor friend. On the upside, psychiatry was able to help my pal and she's doing really well now. Took her a while to find her feet but she's working and managing and happy.

Tell them suicide is still possible in hospital.

Hello @aliasname

You are being a good friend. I'd certainly contact the unit and tell them what's going on. You could always ask them for guidance as to how best you can support and respond. For example they may advise that having a visit to look forward to would be helpful, equally they might say it could be disruptive and advise against. Definitely worth a call though.

When a close relative was in a secure unit we used to,take in scrummy food and sit with him whilst he ate it. He loved that. It was a different disease, but a nice simple way of bringing a bit of normality and home to someone who is likely feeling quite alone.

Your affection for 'mad Denise' shines through. She sounds like a really interesting and generous person who has given you some lovely positives in your life. I hope that she manages to regain an equilibrium that allows her to live well and long x

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Thanks for your replies; those phrases are perfect and I will use those.

Friend has had more ECT and although she says she's still suicidal, her tone of voice sounds slightly less negative. No mention of demons, but she says she needs her hair and nails done.

She's back to talking about being sent to prison for benefit fraud ~ as if that would happen! No court in the land would convict her, let alone sentence her to jail. I'm not sure if I should engage, point this out, suggest she contacts someone... or if it's just not worth it at this stage.

Another message today, she sends similar every day. It's frustrating because I can see how out of touch with reality she is (as if anyone would prosecute her or send her to jail when she is certifiably insane! ) but I know there's no point in engaging.

Personally I think she seems a bit better, sending me gifs and photos of animals. Talking about going to the bank, getting her hair done. I guess she might never be herself again though 😔 (I have removed identifying details)
>>>
I am still suicidal unfortunately even although I love lots of people and animals including you.

I had the barbaric ECT treatment yesterday. I wish I could hook Dr S. up to it instead

Neither the ECT nor the medication is making any difference and there is nothing that any doctor can do to help.

I still feel bad and want to die. Well not want to die ideally but unable to cope with this life and am done with it

my debit card is blocked and I have to get a new one which will take ages.

I am locked out of phone and internet banking and need to go into the bank with ID to unlock my phone and internet banking and order hopefully a new debit card

My eyebrows and eyelashes are needing threaded and tinted

My hair is WILD and needs cut

I need new glasses

I am super fat. REALLY fat. Soon I will not fit my size 18-20 clothes even

I look disgusting

I still have money worries

I still am affected by the spirits who attacked me. I am going to lose all my teeth and all my hair

I could be sent to prison for benefit fraud

I will have to pay the government back money

I could get a penalty imposed on me of up to £5,000

I could have my benefits stopped
In fact, PIP will stop anyhow whilst I am in hospital and I don’t know if it just starts again when I get out or if I have to reapply from the start again. But either way I won’t get paid it just now.

My ESA will stop in November and after that I don’t know if I am eligible for Universal Credit or not (it’s replacing ESA)

Also when I applied for my benefits in the past, I always got lots of strong medical evidence and did the forms very well in terms of describing my mental disabilities to get awarded the benefits. However I have not got access to the same medical evidence as I had previously and I am struggling for energy to do the forms the way I know they need done to properly describe mental illness which is hard to accurately describe.

But I hope for a good day for you all and sending you all LOTS of love
Xxxxx

If you ring someone like the MIND helpline they will have more suggestions of how you can handle this and caring for yourself too.

@JanglyBeads Thanks for the reply. I have a therapist, so will ask her.

I am tempted to leap in and offer to phone the bank/citizens advice/ a solicitor, but I think that would be futile. She's not going to be taken to court while she's in hospital, and anyway I don't think she would listen to any practical advice right now.

I did tell her there was NO WAY she was going to prison, but I don't think she believed me, after all I couldn't give any evidence for that except 'you're mad as a box of frogs' and obviously I wouldn't actually say that. How sad that she's worrying about that needlessly.

There's in a sense no need to contact any of those people because it's just stuff going round in her head.

Yes, that's exactly right! In a way it's positive that she's starting to think about stuff again, when last week it was just suicidal messages.... but as you say the stuff going round in her head, its so mixed up. There is no rational way to respond.

Respond to the stuff that is manageable? Ask about how she’d get her eyebrows or hair done? Could she get a pass to go to a shop? Is there a visiting hairdresser?

ahe quite possibly doesn’t have access to her finances at the moment, so the money atuff might be part of her delusions.

im sorry she is so unwell, it is hard to manage someone who isn’t quite in reality.

what about a game? Would she be interested in wordle or is there an animal site you could swap memes or somethinf That wouldn’t mean much conversation?