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Mental health

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Original poster

Want to die because of my job

67 replies

Rosebel · 26/05/2022 22:51

I can't believe I feel like this just because of my job but I do. I just want to die. I've looked in to the quickest way to die but I haven't quite got the courage to go ahead.
I can't leave my job because my husband says we need the money and I can't change jobs because of the cost of childcare.
So I'm stuck in a job I really really hate, where I'm bullied all the time by the manager. I tried to complain about being bullied but I got shur down and the managers pulled rank.
The only good things are my husband and kids but they deserve something better someone who isn't in tears all the time. If I wasn't here my husband could find someone who would be a better wife and mum.
I'm so depressed I feel like I'm in a black hole with no way out except to die. No real point to this but just wanted to explain how I felt even if no one reads it.

OP posts:

Flackattack · 26/05/2022 22:55

You need to speak to your doctor and they will be able to help you.

there must be other jobs you can look at? What sort of you do you do?

have you explained how you feel to your husband?

Cheeseandlobster · 26/05/2022 22:57

No job is worth this op. Please contact your gp tomorrow to get signed off. Then speak with either your union or acas.

Verbena87 · 26/05/2022 22:58

In the morning, get in touch with your GP and get signed off. Ask them to refer you for support because you’re having suicidal ideation and you can’t stop crying.

Your husband doesn’t need a dead wife so he can ‘find someone betterI’, he needs to help you find a way of sharing the load (jobs, house, kids etc) that doesn’t make you wish you were dead.

There will be a way out of this feeling that doesn’t leave your family bereaved.

I’m sorry it’s all so utterly shit sometimes.

failing40s · 26/05/2022 22:58

Please call the Samaritans OP on 116 123 - Please call them now. And please call your GP in the morning.

Your family need you and love you.

JanePrentiss · 26/05/2022 22:59

Oh op, you need to look after yourself, you can't keep bei g ground down.

GP first thing for sick note
Union on the phone, you can't work like this it will destroy you
show your dh this threat, does he realise how you really really feel?

DramaAlpaca · 26/05/2022 23:02

You poor thing

Firstly, you need a break from the stress of work and that means getting in touch with your GP tomorrow and getting yourself signed off for as long as you need.

Your family love you and need you.

Mumwantingtogetitright · 26/05/2022 23:04

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. It sounds like you really need to quit your job or go off sick. And you need to get medical help, because you are really not well. You are not thinking straight.

Dying is not the solution here. Your family needs you, and you clearly care about them. They don't want a better wife and mum, they want you, and they want you to be happy and healthy. The problem is that you can't see another way out right now, but there will be one. Please talk to your husband and tell him how you're feeling. He might have said that you need the money, but I'm sure he wouldn't want to stay in a job that is making you so desperately unhappy. And frankly, you won't be earning anything anyway if you're dead - sorry, I know that sounds harsh.

Please try to get some professional help, OP. Things might look very dark right now but life will get better.

Dora26 · 26/05/2022 23:07

((hugs)) OP - have been in that black hole and there is a way back - you just need a guide. Ring Samaritans now for the first step. You are precious - there is noone else like you!

ChanelleH · 26/05/2022 23:08

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way and firstly I just want to say you are amazing! Working and being a wife, a mum AND yourself is hard work to say the least.

Your work situation sounds very toxic and I completely understand you feel powerless, sometimes the best option is to walk away, but I also understand the financial pressure this can cause with the ever rising living costs so you can feel stuck but I think a new environment is best for you.

I want you to know that your family are not better off without you, they need you! You are their world and they love you so much.

Please please contact your GP and if you feel like you can’t wait until the morning take yourself to A&E.

you can also speak to me now if you would like to speak with someone?

FrecklesMalone · 26/05/2022 23:09

I was were you are now. I could see no way out. I eventually broke down and told best friend and then DH. I talked, got help. And after a period off sick got a new job. We were skint for a bit but 10 years on I have a job I love and am happy.
Don't let the fucking bastards grind you down. They are not worth it. You are your children's world and they need their mum. Now and in the years to come. They don't care if you are skint for a bit if you can give them a cuddle.
It is so hard being around bastards who beat you down. But you are made of stronger stuff 💐

LondonQueen · 26/05/2022 23:16

Phone your GP and get a sick note, you can't work like this it will destroy you. Please phone Samaritans if you feel you will actually hurt yourself, their number is 116 123. You are worth so much more than this OP x

Calafsidentity · 26/05/2022 23:19

Op, I'm really sorry everything is so hard atm. Can you talk to your DH? Does he understand properly how you feel? How desperate you are? Please get some support from him, your GP, your extended family, or just one friend, or a union member, a neighbour. Get someone on your side and go from there. It's far better to be broke for a bit than tolerate this job and the way it is making you feel.

DramaLlamadodah · 26/05/2022 23:22

Hi Rosebel. It gets better. I promise it gets better. As above please contact the Samaritans asap. If you feel that you want to hurt yourself or if you do hurt yourself please call an ambulance or get yourself to a&e. I think theres also a texting service for the samaritons if you would rather.
I felt like this in January. Panic attacks at work and everything in shades of grey. Please be explicit when talking to your husband. You are so much better being healthy and skint rather than going on like this.you can do this, keep going keep going keep going xx

nocoolnamesleft · 26/05/2022 23:25

You are the mum your children know. You are the mum your children want. You are the mum your children need. You are the mum your children love. For the sake of your children, who would never recover if you killed yourself, talk to your GP. Get help.

tootiredtoocare · 26/05/2022 23:47

GP. Emergency appointment, tomorrow. Insist. They won't have anywhere near the time you need, but they will be able to give you a sick note to get you away from your job. Then you need to take time to think, because you can't carry on like this. You work to live, and it shouldn't destroy the life you have. Talk to DH and/or to someone else you trust, and be honest, and ask for help. There is a way through, but you need to find it.

Original poster

Rosebel · 27/05/2022 02:35

I have talked and talked to DH, he has seen me in tears [post redacted]* but he just keeps telling me I can't give up work and I can't really afford to be off sick.
You would think as I'm actually qualified and experienced in a different field to where I work I could get a job easily. Well I can but can't afford childcare. It would wipe out virtually my whole wage and leave us struggling on one salary.
Back in work on Saturday and feel absolutely sick at the thought of it. It feels like the best solution but I still love my family..

[this post has been edited by MNHQ to remove detail re self-harm, in line with guidelines we must follow]

OP posts:

BadNomad · 27/05/2022 02:50

Well, your husband is just going to have to help come up with other ideas then because he's going to end up in an even worse financial predicament if you kill yourself.

Honestly, no job is worth destroying your mental health over. Do you have savings? Or luxuries you can cut back on for a while?

lovinglavidaloca · 27/05/2022 02:54

OP please see that a job is not worth feeling this way over. There’s a thing that does the round on Facebook that says something about not stressing over work because they would replace you in a minute.

Money is important, of course but what is worse - a few months/years of bad finances or a lifetime of your children mourning their mother?

On a practical level you wouldn’t be bringing any money into the home if you weren’t here would you? So the financial issue will still remain either way.

I’ve been reading another very sad post on here tonight and the thought that something as inconsequential (in the grand scheme of things) as a job is making you feel this way is just awful. Please see the bigger picture here. I know it isn’t easy.

Why isn’t your husband supporting you here? I think your husband is more of a problem than the job at the moment!! What is wrong with this man?

Calafsidentity · 27/05/2022 02:56

Very gently op, in that case, you have a DH problem. He surely can't stand by and see you so miserable? And why are childcare costs solely your responsibility? Why aren't they a shared expense?

Ultimately, you don't need your dh's "permission" to switch jobs. You love your family and they need you in good health. Sometimes you need to prioritise your own mental health and there's nothing selfish about that, in fact the opposite is true.

Take care op. You always have choices. Don't be railroaded in a direction that is detrimental to your core health and wellbeing.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 27/05/2022 03:08

I am so sorry to hear this.

Can you say how you are being bullied so we can come up with ways that you can cope?

Flackattack · 27/05/2022 06:48

You need to find other options.

Can you move departments or organisations?

get a weekend or night job so childcare isn’t an issue.

how old are your children?

Rosehugger · 27/05/2022 06:56

Excellent advice above. Also I think you should seriously consider whether you want to be with someone so horribly unsympathetic.

Go to your GP first and explain how you feel,and hopefully get signed off work for a little while so you can start to have a think about the next steps.

HairyBum · 27/05/2022 06:59

You have no choice but to change jobs regardless of what your DH says. Call the GP and get signed off today first thing.

when does your DH work? If you worked when he’s at home the kids would not need paid childcare as he would do childcare

HairyBum · 27/05/2022 07:02

I also think your DH doesn’t have your best interests at heart but you need to change things so your best interests are at heart so that you recover for your children who love you so deeply

Anonnnnnnm · 27/05/2022 07:03

Please, please get a sick note and rest. I'm sorry but your husband needs to understand he can't afford the bills if you kill yourself either. Perhaps he could step up and get a better job rather than being so selfish. You need to find another job long term.

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