Want to die because of my job

[Rosebel]

I can't believe I feel like this just because of my job but I do. I just want to die. I've looked in to the quickest way to die but I haven't quite got the courage to go ahead.
I can't leave my job because my husband says we need the money and I can't change jobs because of the cost of childcare.
So I'm stuck in a job I really really hate, where I'm bullied all the time by the manager. I tried to complain about being bullied but I got shur down and the managers pulled rank.
The only good things are my husband and kids but they deserve something better someone who isn't in tears all the time. If I wasn't here my husband could find someone who would be a better wife and mum.
I'm so depressed I feel like I'm in a black hole with no way out except to die. No real point to this but just wanted to explain how I felt even if no one reads it.

How are you feeling today @Rosebel ?

As others have posted - NO JOB IS WORTH THIS. I absolutely promise you that.
From what you've said I wonder if you're carrying the financial burden yourself?
You've said you wouldn't be able to afford childcare as it would wipe your whole wage.

Does your DP contribute?

I think your mental health is deteriorating and that needs to take priority. For some reason it doesn't seem like your DP is understanding that.

I would, as others have said, get a sick note from your GP. Take some time out to help you reevaluate.
It's awful being in a job you hate because you're being bullied. I get it. It's horrendous. I've been there. But the best thing I did was get a sick note and have a few weeks off, even though I was reluctant to at first.

Do you have any other support?

Hope you are feeling ok this morning. Please phone in sick today and rest. Do you have family or a friend that you could speak to as your partner is not understanding how much this is affecting you.

Hi @Rosebel

you poor love x.

I have been where you are and is a horrible dark place and very lonely.

you really need to acknowledge that you need help and support with this. Remember if you did go through with it the effect on your kids forever, it would change their lives for the worst and I know you love them so much you wouldn’t want to put them through that, you just feel really trapped right now.

go to doctors be honest, get signed off.

in the meantime we are hear for you to help you.

be proactive with work, don’t feel beaten by them. Make a diary of what has been going on. Ring ACAS they are brilliant and will help you with this so they can’t wriggle out of it.

thinking about you and sending love. Be strong, you have to be, your a lovely mum and your kids need you even if you can’t see that right now because of the dark cloud hanging over you xxx

Get signed off and use the time to job hunt. Good luck.

Your husband is not in control of you. You are in control of YOUR life. Ring in sick to self certify and then get a doctors note. You do need to give up your job. It will be tough initially but you will find something else x

Honestly @Rosebel you need to go to the GP and get signed off sick today. Like others have said no job is worth this.
A few years ago I was in a job I hated, I had no support and a manager who was abusive and lazy. It went on and on, I hated every minute of being there and didn't ask for help because I knew I wouldn't get any from my manager.

One day I stood up and told a work colleague I couldn't do it anymore. I went home, husband was out at a gig. I had a drink and took an overdose. Don't remember wanting to die but remember wanting to go to sleep forever because I was sick of worrying and just exhausted. Husband got home to me being sick in my sleep and I ended up in hospital for several days.
It was an awful time and I'll never forget the look my children gave me when they came to visit, they couldn't believe I had been prepared to leave them.

As soon as I got home I knew I'd never go back to that job and immediately felt a weight lifted. Lockdown happened so I had a few months at home, signed off sick, all work communication had to go through my husband and a colleague, manager wasn't allowed to contact either of us.

I've got a new job now which is great, I work with some fab people, my manager is supportive and I've built up my confidence again and am doing a good job.

There is hope and there are other choices other than wanting to die I promise you. Please don't do anything which will endanger your life, I was lucky but not everyone is. Get some help today and get signed off sick while you think about finding another job when you're ready. Tell your husband how bad it is, he won't want you to be feeling like this, how could he?

Thinking of you today

OP, please call your GP this morning. Get an urgent appointment. If necessary, tell the receptionist what you've said here. Beg for an appointment.

Your GP will be able to help. Will give you a different perspective and options.

Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Someone other than your DH who can help you find a solution. While your DH may be supportive (although he doesn't sound it), he is too close to your situation to be able to see other choices you may not have considered.

OP, we're all rooting for you here. Many of us have been in similar situations. There will be a way and many of the suggestions on this thread are surely better than how you we're feeling last night.

Your dh isn’t being supportive at all, I wonder how he would feel if he was in your situation?
Your mental health needs to come before anything else. Get a sick note and when your off sick look for another job. Tell your dh that “if you don’t leave your job he risks losing you completely”, he needs to realise how serious the situation is.

Get yourself signed off and have a few duvet days. Your job isn't worth it and I speak from bitter experience. Your hubby is being a knob obviously but tackle that issue once you're signed off and have got your breath back .better broke and happy than the alternative. Good luck. Xx

I’ve been in this position and in the end I just left, was the best thing I ever did. Yes we were broke, still paying off the money we had to borrow to get us by but it was all totally worth it then and now. After a few years at home now in a job I love that fits in great with the family.. Are you sure your Dh really understands? He shouldn’t be telling you to stay in the job if he does??

Hugs OP. Your DH sounds awful. You do not need his permission to quit or take sick leave. You are an adult who deserves health. Honestly, temporary poverty is something you can cope with. So angry at your DH.

There are other jobs in the world. Right now there are low pressure jobs around in shops and cafes if you live anywhere near a big town. You could walk into one of these.

Sign off sick and totally recuperate. Talk to a therapist (free online self-referral with NHS, to Samaritans, to any local MH support groups offered by your GP. Maybe get some short term medication for anxiety and depression.

Try to take a philosophical approach (hard when you are so down). Your children and husband need and want you. You love them and want them. Hang onto that. Remember, they won't be getting that income if you are dead, so no point in using it as the reason for staying. Get well and find a less pressured job that is as close to your old income as possible.

Your DH is also a bully, yes I understand you need to work, we all do but he should be supporting you to find another job not just banging on about money.

What is your sick pay? How much spare cash is there after childcare?

Phone your GP and get signed off sick.

My job makes me miserable and the thought of the corporate world for a few more decades makes me feel very low to.

Your husband is a bully, he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself. Show him this thread and let the reality hit home. Rosebel’s husband - how would you feel if your wife killed herself because you have driven her to it? How will your kids feel? And how will you even pay your precious bills now?

OP, no job is worth this. Get signed off sick and look for something else.

OP, ignore your husband for now and take care of yourself. Like other posters say, see a GP as soon as possible and explain the situation.

As soon as you get some rest talk this situation through with a therapist, your friends and any family members who have supported you in the past.

Start making plans from there. You deserve a rest and so does your child(ren).

Hi OP,
I agree you need to get signed off sick to get some breathing space. Medication might help too.

Perhaps you will be entitled to some benefits if you aren’t working?
www.turn2us.org.uk/

If you have debts that you are trying to manage talk to Stepchange or Christians Against Poverty (CAP) - you don’t need to be religious. These are free charities - don’t pay for debt advice.

Perhaps you could work in the evenings or weekends, if your partner has a day job, to avoid childcare bills.

This too shall pass x

Will you get paid if you are signed off sick?

I'm sorry you feel like this, you sound as if the problem is depression. Please go to your GP and get signed off work.

You might think that you can't do any other job, but of course you can.

Dying is not the solution and your family love and need you.

Just make a GP appointment, today.

If your husband is on a low wage you might be entitled to universal credit which also covers about 80% of the cost of childcare. There must be a way around this. But go to your GP and get signed off work to give yourself some space to think it through. Im afraid your husband sounds like a bully too, and that famous quote goes...
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
Your children need you, so you will find a way through this. But time and space to think it through is important.

Hi Rosebel,

We're sorry you're feeling so low.

We can see you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters, but we thought we'd also add a link to our Mental Health resources as there are many organisations listed which could give you some more support in real life. The Samaritans are there for you too, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123, any time.

We also wanted to let you know about a text service called Shout - please click on this link for further information - giveusashout.org. Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. They can help with a range of issues including anxiety and depression or if you're feeling overwhelmed.

Please also take a look at the help available from Mind. They have some information on coping with anxiety at work, and about taking time off work if your mental health is suffering - please click on this link to Mind's website.

We really hope things start looking less bleak for you soon.

Thank you for so many kind words. I have been signed off for a fortnight by the GP. Manager was furious when I took my sick note in but I just left.
This job was supposed to be low stress and when I started 4 years ago it was but the new manager has destroyed me.
I can see its not really the job it's her and even though it's only for a few days I feel such a sense of relief.
I've just spent 30 minutes playing rough and tumble with my DS which he loved. I didn't feel up to it when I had work hanging over me.
I know I need a new job, thank to all of you for being there for me when I needed it. With time off I'm hoping I can recover and even get a new job.
My DH isn't really an awful person but he does worry about money a lot and we are both on crap wages. I think the fact that I'm being bullied while they owe me £300 has pushed me to the edge and the point I was at last night.

Glad your taking yourself out of the situation before it completely consumes you. I know I know I didn’t realise the magnitude of how I’d felt until I’d actually left. The same too with just little things like being able to play with the kids. I’d felt what I thought was bored/too tired playing with my baby and yet once that weight was off me I found I loved the time I spent with her. To think I’d gone through all that precious time needlessly feeling like that. I do understand what you mean about your dh, I felt utterly trapped as I’d kind of mentioned it to hubby but didn’t get the encouragement I needed to leave as obviously he’d expressed worry about how we’d manage financially. However when it one day just came to a head and I said outright I am leaving as I couldn’t cope anymore he was absolutely fine about it. Even though he thought that would mean we’d have to sell the house plus him take on extra hours etc. It wasn’t like anything as bad as that, once childcare, fuel etc was taken out of the equation we did still have a deficit but we were able to juggle things so as not to be in total poverty or lose the house and just became more creative and resourceful generally. Despite things we’d had to cut back, all the things we couldn’t afford we were both so much happier in the absence of that stress and even if we had lost the house I would still have said was totally worth it.

I was in similar situation and was signed off for two weeks. Employer decided to sack me because too many leaves ( ds just had started in childminder and got vomiting bug three times plus some colds). Anyway I was happy to be sacked because I couldn't resign. I found a new job couple of months later.

Well done. I'm really glad you've spoken to the GP and been signed off work. I hope you can get some rest and start to feel better.

Well done OP, you are brave and you will be fine. I have been in a similar situation and first and foremost we have to love ourselves xx