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Original poster

I'm done

98 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2022 17:53

I just want to get in my car and drive into a wall.

I cannot deal with the relentlessness of childcare. I wish I'd never had them. Every day is just a horrible horrible grind.

I want it to end.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 08/04/2022 18:26

You said you can afford not to work, so can’t you afford some childcare in the holidays? Even if it’s a morning a week!

I’d also recommend stopping breast feeding (I did at 18ths with Dd2) I felt I needed to get my body back for my own mental health.

Bonheurdupasse · 08/04/2022 18:29

I'm sure I'll get flayed but can you start doing the opposite of gentle parenting. Time outs, install a gate on their room doors, natural consequences - try all to reduce the screaming. It'll be hard but you need to be hard nosed, consistemt.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 08/04/2022 19:13

Believe me my parenting is very ungentle at the moment!

So at the moment Monday morning I take DS swimming and godparents look after DD but breakfast and lunch and putting down for naps is still me then afternoon it's just me and the kids. Tues 9-12 DS is at preschool then afternoons I have them.

I feel like as a poster said uptrend I shouldn't be finding it this hard. I had three days off last week totally to myself (though that was the first time ever)

I've messaged the nanny and asked if she fancies some extra shifts next week

OP posts:
Ilikepinacoladass · 08/04/2022 19:16

@Kittykat93
The op said about wanting her body back after a few people had already stop her to stop breastfeeding. She never mentioned anything about it
being an issue before then other than the toddler wanting breast milk if she goes in at night. It doesn't matter if they are babies, it's totally normal to breastfeed beyond 18 months, and for a lot of people is a useful tool / positive thing rather than burden. Toddlers are going to be a pain / have tantrums / get ill whether you're breastfeeding or not, at least if you carry on you have a way of comforting them which is convenient and easy! I don't think she's even said they are waking up a lot? So not sure how stopping breastfeeding will mean more sleep.. in my experience breastfed babies sleep just as well as non breastfed, especially once you get past newborn. I have a friend that is getting up 4 times a night giving milk in a bottle to get her toddler back to sleep, just saying it's not necessarily going to help .

musicalfrog · 08/04/2022 19:22

No OP it shouldn't be this hard, but it IS hard a lot of the time and some people are just not able to cope as well as others. It doesn't make you a bad person and if some more time out helps you then don't feel bad about taking it. Flowers

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 08/04/2022 19:22

I really appreciate different ideas, thank you.

DD isn't feeding at night. But today we had an estate agent round (don't get me started, DH wants to move) and she just kept going 'booby booby booby'. I just felt a bit more used 2bh

OP posts:
Ilikepinacoladass · 08/04/2022 19:34

I know what you mean about feeling used sometimes, mine shouts boob, boob and whacks me in the chest haha. I just figure that if he wasn't doing that he'd probably be doing something else annoying/moaning about something else etc and probably something that's harder to fix than just putting a boob in it. But obviously do whatever feels right for you. There just seemed to be a lot of people saying to stop breastfeeding before it had even been mentioned as an issue which seemed strange. I hope things start improving and you have some good days amongst the harder ones soon x

D0lphine · 08/04/2022 21:56

@DueyCheatemAndHow

I really appreciate different ideas, thank you.

DD isn't feeding at night. But today we had an estate agent round (don't get me started, DH wants to move) and she just kept going 'booby booby booby'. I just felt a bit more used 2bh

You're already on the edge. Moving is so stressful! Sounds like the worst thing you could do right now!
LizzieSiddal · 08/04/2022 22:15

Agree with previous poster, do not even think about moving at the moment, it would be madness to do that when you’re already feeling so overwhelmed.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 08/04/2022 22:32

That's how I feel, thank you ladies. Had a bit too much to drink so ready for bed

OP posts:
Needtogetoffmyphone · 08/04/2022 23:08

It’s not that it’s not hard, but it’s trying to view it in a slightly different way - and focus on making it more pleasant. Trust me, it passes too quickly, and in future years you want to have strong bonds with your children - in order to see you through what problems the teenage and young adult years bring

I’m not being negative- just realistic

Try to make it enjoyable- let go whatever you can. Get help wherever you can. Build and enjoy your relationships in the family.

We’ve had an unbelievable time with one of our children in lockdown. If it wasn’t for the early fun and early bonds we would have lost her completely.

Who gives a monkeys about housework/ baths/ perfection. Love them/ laugh/ feed them/read to them/ exhaust them/ love each other. Twenty years passed in a flash for us.

Ilikepinacoladass · 09/04/2022 04:27

Personally I find parenting with a hangover or after a late night hell, if you can getting to get bed early and not drinking would go along way to making you feel more calm I think, but I know that's easier said than done and a totally understandable way to decompress after stressful day with kids. Focussing on getting out and doing enjoyable things with the kids rather than even thinking about moving / trying to have estate agents round etc, unless it's super urgent that you move?

madeinthe80z · 09/04/2022 05:55

Sounds like you could do with some parenting coaching support.

Toddlers are difficult to navigate and you have 2 of them! The way you react to and handle their emotions can have an impact on their behaviour.

There are so sorry techniques to help both you and your husband if you are up to stripping it right back to basics and starting to rebuild a connection with them.

I know it sounds airy fairy but I have found a few groups / techniques which make me enjoy parenting a toddler so so much more. Meeting them where they are right now, setting boundaries, allowing them to have their emotions and supporting them through it when you hold those boundaries etc

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 09/04/2022 07:08

Thanks - where might we find these?

OP posts:
musicalfrog · 09/04/2022 07:24

Ask your health visitor. They should be able to signpost you to a parenting course which could be very useful. They might also have some other advice/tips for you.

madeinthe80z · 09/04/2022 08:00

If you search visible child on Google and read the blog posts in there, that would be a great start to help you start reframing your mind and feeling more in control 🙂

bumblingbovine49 · 09/04/2022 08:13

@Swayingpalmtrees

Call the GP get signed off for two weeks and sleep, make a plan as to how you will manage afterwards. Are you able to stop working for a little longer to have half a chance of getting the baby sleeping?

I feel for you and remember it well.
It WILL get better I promise, but the lack of sleep is the hardest part.

Sorry but this would have driven me mad in the first 18 months of DS's life . I just could not have fun on so little sleep, it was not possible for me. Op you really need to put as much resource as you have on getting more sleep. This will 100% help, after that you can work on changing how you feel about it I too often wished I had not become a parent and I was able to change that thinking by changing my attitude but only after I was consistently getting 6+ hours of uninterrupted sleep a night again.
bumblingbovine49 · 09/04/2022 08:15

Sorry I referenced the wrong post. I agree completely with the one I copied. I meant to say that advice to have fun and change your attitude is not bad advice per se but only if your basic needs are being taken care of first and sleep is a basic need

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 09/04/2022 08:29

2 better nights sleep in a row, had from about 10.30 to 6 last night which was amazing and I got to the gym whilst DH did bedtime. We are off to find a new park today then take them to an airfield for lunch.

OP posts:
LouLou198 · 09/04/2022 08:42

Glad you have managed some sleep and to get to the gym. I remember parenting being relentless at those ages. Many a time I was thinking what on earth had we done!!
It will pass, but when you in the midst of it I know it's difficult to see.
Some of the best advice I received when mine were this age was that dc are very similar to dogs, they need that daily exercise to wear them out! I still try and do this now they are older!

Ilikepinacoladass · 09/04/2022 17:52

That sounds really positive :-)

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