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Original poster

I'm done

98 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2022 17:53

I just want to get in my car and drive into a wall.

I cannot deal with the relentlessness of childcare. I wish I'd never had them. Every day is just a horrible horrible grind.

I want it to end.

OP posts:
latriciamcneal · 07/04/2022 18:50

Do you enjoy your work?
Can afford not to?

RosieRoww · 07/04/2022 18:50

Would air pair be an option for you ?

Swayingpalmtrees · 07/04/2022 18:53

Call the GP get signed off for two weeks and sleep, make a plan as to how you will manage afterwards. Are you able to stop working for a little longer to have half a chance of getting the baby sleeping?

I feel for you and remember it well.
It WILL get better I promise, but the lack of sleep is the hardest part.

Needtogetoffmyphone · 07/04/2022 18:54

When I was young and had young children - my friends went on and on about how was I coping? My aunts told me to ‘enjoy it and have fun’.
It changed my attitude.
I am not minimising how you feel. But if you can’t change the situation- change how you feel about it. Whatever it takes to cope.

Throughabushbackwards · 07/04/2022 19:00

So sorry OP Thanks

We also have no one to help. It's been very very tough for us at times. I'm a teacher too and find myself wishing the holiday weeks away so I can go back to school and be myself again!

Can you do alternate days of one parent doing bath and bedtime on their own while the other leaves the house completely for an long evening walk? This really did wonders for us, me particularly. Leaving the house after dinner to walk for a few hours and come home to a peaceful house and a waiting glass of wine really made it all a bit more bearable. Walking is so good for both body and mind and I had to leave the house to be able to have a proper break from the noise and mess.

Fritilleries · 07/04/2022 19:10

Getting more sleep is the priority. What is the reason for such poor sleep at the minute?

waterlego · 07/04/2022 19:20

If you can’t get away with your husband for a weekend, could you each book a trip away? So he has the kids while you book yourself into a hotel for a couple of nights or travel to see a friend in a different part of the country (or another country!) perhaps? When mine were little, I had a weekend in Norway visiting a friend and a couple of years after that, went to Budapest for a weekend to see a different friend. Also went on the odd hen weekend. I know exactly what you mean re feeling like you’re going back into captivity once the free time is over (you phrased that perfectly!), but the time away did me a lot of good. I can back with a bit more energy and a more positive frame of mind.

I realise I was lucky to be able to do that because we could afford it and my husband was willing to hold the fort while I went away.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2022 19:23

I love my job. I could afford not to work but I love it.

Sleep - toddler getting up mentally early, baby sometimes v dodgy - she doesn't want to be put down at the moment. He was awake for 2 hrs last night.. I going to bed too late then can't sleep.. Dad has just done bedtime and she is screaming. DH wants to leave her to cry and I can't. If I go in at night she wants breastmilk.

We both just feel utterly wrung out. It's just relentless. Everyday is the same pile of shit.

OP posts:
Fritilleries · 07/04/2022 19:26

Hugs. I get you. It is shit. And hard work. Mind is 3.5 as well.

Does the older child have a glo clock?
Do you breastfeed in the day?
Is sleep training something you'd consider, as sleep deprivation will be making it all seem worse

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2022 19:28

Both have been sleep trained, not sure what's gone wrong with the 18 month old atm. We are trying a gro clock again..

Bleurgh. Really didn't think it would be this shit.

OP posts:
Fritilleries · 07/04/2022 19:30

Solidarity. Have you spoken to a GP about how you're feeling?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2022 19:32

I'm on citalopram 20mg

OP posts:
Fritilleries · 07/04/2022 19:38

I'm on sertraline. Get yourself sorted with your sleep. Staying up late and then not sleeping well will be making it all worse.

Kittykat93 · 07/04/2022 19:39

It is shit. And it's fine to say that. No one would choose to be so sleep deprived they feel like a zombie, have no time to ourselves, have to deal with screaming and mess and thrown food and nappies and wasted dinners constantly. It's okay to feel how shit it is and acknowledge it. I tried to hide it and would say how much I loved being a mother but inside I felt like I was dying.

It's okay. It does get easier op 💐

Twattergy · 07/04/2022 19:39

😯 for the person who asked for the reason for OP's poor sleep! She has a 1.5 and 3.5 year old!!!!

Merlott · 07/04/2022 19:40

Can you put them in nursery during holidays? Often they have capacity due to the term time only places. 2 days a week for e.g.

Fritilleries · 07/04/2022 19:42

@Twattergy

😯 for the person who asked for the reason for OP's poor sleep! She has a 1.5 and 3.5 year old!!!!
Yes, but sleep shouldn't be causing issues to this extent. Hence asking if sleep trained. Mine is 3.5 and sleeps through but it took a lot of persistence to get here.
Hyppogriff · 07/04/2022 19:42

Mine are same age it is tough… hang on in there !
Definitely kick the bf for the little one and give yourself that break.
Then throw all the extra cash you have at as much help as you can afford

Fritilleries · 07/04/2022 19:44

Would suggest nursery that does year round care. I am a teacher and relish the half term days that my child is in nursery as it gives me a much needed break.

Twizbe · 07/04/2022 19:45

I have the same age gap. 3 and 1 is tough!!

Can you book 2 nights in a local premier inn or similar. You do one night and DH does the other. Get some proper sleep. If your nanny would take the overtime, book a third night together.

Then you and DH can have a chat when you're rested and figure out the next step.

I had a mumcation when mine were this age (the weekend before lockdown 1) and it was just what I needed. A whole night in a hotel alone, just me. It was bliss.

BirdyBee · 07/04/2022 19:48

I have a almost 2 year old and a 3.8 year old it is relentless, the endless tantrums, fights over toys, nappies, bath time, toilet training, the general house stuff, no bloody sleep, it's never ending, you are doing a great job, I phoned my health visitor in tears in the end and they are going to help, not sure how yet, just wanted to let you know you are not alone xx

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2022 19:49

Thank you everyone. I'm taking all suggestions on board. We both definitely feel.we are either just doing childcare or working and I do resent DH for being able to escape to work more which isn't fair.

OP posts:
MrsMo21 · 07/04/2022 19:51

@DueyCheatemAndHow

I really really understand how the lack of sleep thing can fuck you up. Strong language I know but the newborn stage (and some stages since) with my DD made me want to kill myself. That’s not hyperbole, that’s the honest truth.
You’re not out of order, manically depressed, a terrible mother or in need of doctors help for feeling this way.
Sometimes it’s fucking shit and you wish you never did any of it.
I also sympathise with how hard it is never having any help and having to just merely exist with your DH whilst raising the children.

My DH (when DD2 is born) is having both the children for a week so I can go away on holiday and then I’m doing the same for him. We’ve got no help so that’s how it has to be. Could you do something like that with your DH so you’ve at least got something to look forward to, might get you through the screaming tantrum piss filled trousers dramas?

Dizzywizz · 07/04/2022 19:58

I’m sorry you feel like this @DueyCheatemAndHow, I too remember this feeling. It will pass. Sometime soon the eldest (if an early waker like mine) can be left to watch tv so you can sleep a bit in the morning - I’m in a bungalow which is easier, if you’re in a house could you sleep on the sofa while eldest watches tv or plays (if will play alone - play doh or something)

Dizzywizz · 07/04/2022 20:00

And have I missed a comment - are they in nursery? A year round nursery is a must. I remember literally sitting in the car park at work when I finished, reading and playing on my phone, just to have some alone time before I needed to pick them up