I'm done

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I just want to get in my car and drive into a wall.

I cannot deal with the relentlessness of childcare. I wish I'd never had them. Every day is just a horrible horrible grind.

I want it to end.

Trying to go to bed earlier would help I think! But I know what you mean about wanting time to yourself. Could your husband take them out for a few hours each weekend? Going for a little walk each day, getting out into nature / fresh air can help too. Someone mentioned stopping breastfeeding, I don't think that would help really, I find it a very useful tool especially for tantrums / when they are upset etc! But yeh it is hard and stressful and annoying, and I only have 1! How you feel sounds totally understandable x

We had a similar age gap. No help. The only break we ever got was when they were in nursery and even then we were at work. I remember being utterly amazed the first time either of us were without DS1 and not at work, he was almost five and it was his first day at school.
Stopping bf is a must I would say. You need that psychological space. And stick to a routine.
Sympathies. I hated those first few years.

You probably qualify for 30 hours free childcare for your eldest. Can't you look at putting the 3.5 year old into nursery even if it was term time it would mean the two days you are at home without the nanny they would be in nursery or with childminder. Might help? Then when the little one has a day time nap you have some time for yourself without the kids

Stopping breastfeeding might be right for you.

Just note that when you stop you can get a huge hormone crash that might make you feel worse for a short amount of time. Not a major issue but just to be aware in case you stop and wonder why you aren't feeling better.

You have a nanny, only work PT and have a DH - you have a lot more help than most people so this sounds so much more than you struggling with the children.

It sounds like you have depression which is why you’re finding the children hard instead of finding life hard because of the children.

I would go to the gp and see if you can get stronger meds.
Then I would ask the nanny to do more hours so you and your DH have more you time.

It’s concerning your DH is also struggling.
What does he do for a living?

Sometimes we need to acknowledge that it is actually shit. An awful situation, held hostage to small humans who can't know any better, while you are expected to get on with it. That's motherhood, especially if you have more than one. And people judging too on top of it all
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and also used in brainwashing.
I sometimes wonder if this whole modern, and not so modern reality of trying to cope with small kids and not enough adults to spread out the care is a kind of brainwashing.
Totally get what you mean about having a break and then feeling like you are being led into captivity on going back to them and the same situation.
A few years ago, my two went away for two weeks. When they were due to come back, I felt like a cow being led to slaughter (in a way) because I knew there would be no real break again for a few years, I knew I was losing myself, that there was no way out and I had to do it. Very, very hard.
People don't want to understand though. They want to believe in the well of ever giving motherly love.
Our culture needs improvement in this respect and a wake up.
So, reàlise, yes, this is shit, do whatever you need to make it better. Be 'selfish' as much as you can become you have to be functioning to make the family work.
Time will make it better as the kids will get more sense as they get older.
I also found that a parenting course helped. Maybe you could look into that. I found it really worthwhile.

I don't see how stopping breastfeeding would help?

I agree with Twizbe

I suffered with bad PND (led onto psychosis) I did have meds but had no partner, family or money for a babysitter.
Due to an illness I had to stop breastfeeding which made me hormonal at first but really helped me in the end - my DD slept better and I was less stressed out as she wasn’t crying for me every 5mins.

They will still have tantrums / get upset / wake in the night, the same amount, you'll just have one less tool to deal with those things!

Thanks everyone this is all really helpful to read.

DH is a badristerm.works mental.ours when it's stressful.

It's interesting whether it's the kids making me miserable. I'm just absolutely baffled that anyone would enjoy this. They are so so full on.

I would like my boobs back 2bh..I've been pregnant or breastfeeding every single day since Christmas Day 2017.

In your shoes, the immediate thing I would do is get onto a babysitting agency and book an afternoon or two for next week. Then use that time to sleep.

You also need to speak to your DH about doing sleep shifts until the sleep improves. If possible during the week (one sleeps 7-12 uninterrupted, the other 12-6), but definitely at the weekend.

Are they waking up a lot, or is it the combination of you going to bed lateish / then not being able to sleep and an early start with the toddler that's causing the only 4hrs a night?

@DueyCheatemAndHow

Thanks everyone this is all really helpful to read.

DH is a badristerm.works mental.ours when it's stressful.

It's interesting whether it's the kids making me miserable. I'm just absolutely baffled that anyone would enjoy this. They are so so full on.

I would like my boobs back 2bh..I've been pregnant or breastfeeding every single day since Christmas Day 2017.

Stop breastfeeding asap.

Take the easy option for a bit. Get in some ready meals / sandwich ingredients. Won't do you any harm.

Sleep in shifts like a PP said. Stick them in front of the telly more often. Get shopping delivered to the house. Don't aim for a perfect home- let everything slide.

Look after yourself!!!

No advice. It will get easier though okay? This isn't forever xxx

I can't imagine parenting without breastfeeding being the easy option to be honest, I found it hard in the newborn days but after that just really handy / convenient. But only you know how your feeling, and if you've had enough then do what's right for you! I just find it interesting that people are posting saying stop breastfeeding like it's a full gone conclusion that it makes life harder for everyone, as far as I'm aware you hadn't mentioned it originally as being an issue other than the baby wanting to breastfeed when you go in at night. Is she waking up a lot?

I didn't want to read and run. I have a three and a one year old. I've had a really hard year with it. I spoke to my GP who initially referred me to councelling and then i started sertraline. I feel so much better. I feel that I can manage better, I lose my temper less. It's the most difficult time. It does and can get better. You're not alone.

I remember those early years. It gets better; when they're 3 and 5 it will already feel very different.

Cold comfort I realise as 18 months must seem an eternity on 4 hours sleep a night. I hope you find something to mitigate the situation short term. Sertraline worked for me. All the best.

It sounds totally exhaisting for you at the moment. I teach and had to stop breastfeeding my youngest cold turkey because she just wanted me all night long. I couldn't do it once I was back at work. From that point my oh was sent in at night. Took her a while but once she realised she wasn't getting milk she started sleeping.

Also with the gro clock. Start at the time they wake naturally for a few nights. Then move it forward 15 mins and ignore them till the clock sun is up. Give it a few days and move it on another 15 mins. It's the new light mornings and singing birds, I had early risers too. You could try more blackout blinds and white noise too!
Hope things feel better soon, hang in there!

@Ilikepinacoladass

I can't imagine parenting without breastfeeding being the easy option to be honest, I found it hard in the newborn days but after that just really handy / convenient. But only you know how your feeling, and if you've had enough then do what's right for you! I just find it interesting that people are posting saying stop breastfeeding like it's a full gone conclusion that it makes life harder for everyone, as far as I'm aware you hadn't mentioned it originally as being an issue other than the baby wanting to breastfeed when you go in at night. Is she waking up a lot?

The op has said she'd like to get her body back. Her children aren't babies anymore the youngest is 1.5 years old. It will give the op her body back and may mean she gets more sleep at night.

Honestly it's a living nightmare.

We had a builder round. DH dealt with him. DS had a total meltdown and I had to shut him in a room with me because he just kept screaming at DH

Then I needed to put some washing away so DH had him. He role his sunglasses and threw stuff, screaming because he wanted me.

Now the little one is screaming blue murder because DH is changing her nappy.

We are both absolutely sick of it. It's just like.walking on a tightrope all the time.

Get an extra day nanny in interim .
Or a helper on weekends a student contact childcare colleges extra pair of hands

Yes you need a break, regardless of how good sleep is or breastfeeding or any of that other stuff.

Please get more paid help if you can afford it.

Stop breastfeeding.
Start looking into either extending the nanny towards full time or put them into nursery the extra days & holidays.

We can't afford childcare full time, given I'm term time only.

Some ad hoc would be good though

Can you do even an extra half day a week. Anything