I'm done

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I just want to get in my car and drive into a wall.

I cannot deal with the relentlessness of childcare. I wish I'd never had them. Every day is just a horrible horrible grind.

I want it to end.

OP I’m sorry to hear you are so low. Have you spoken to a health visitor or GP?
Tell us more - children can be very challenging

OP

Can you get a job and put them into childcare.
Even if it takes up all your wages.

@DueyCheatemAndHow, I’m listening. And I hear you- looking after children can be incredibly relentless and immensely tough.

Is there someone nearby who could come and hang out with you a bit? Do you have a partner?

For now, just breathe in and out.

How old are the children? Are you alone caring for them?
I have a very serious lot disabled DD and I know how tough it can be

Please feel free to vent. Or DM me if I can help

Oh love. Sorry to hear this. Have you got anyone near by to reach out to? Tell us more. Can be so hard. Xx

I hear you.
I understand.
How many children do you have?

It can be so hard. How old are your DC? I have definitely found it easier as they have grown up.

Gosh thanks so much for your replies.

Yes I have a DH who is equally done in. We've no real help.

I've had an average of 4 hrs sleep for weeks. I'm shattered.

I'm so done on from the relentless cajoling, the battles, the conversations, the pram harnesses and the car seats and the spilled drinks and the pissy trousers and the shitty nappies and the defiance. I hate my existence

2 children. 3.5 and 1.5. No more.

It’s so tough, so relentless. I remember feeling like you do, you are not alone

Oh that's a tough age. You definitely need a break from them!

Do they go to nursery at all? Could you afford to put them in for a few hours a week at least?

I'm starting to dread waking up. I'm going to bed later and later just so I can have more time alone. Everything is a fight. There are so many tears.

Oh OP, I’m glad you have come here to talk it out. We are here for you. I’m a single mum of 3 and it is so stressful at times.

Have you absolutely no one to help you out? I literally don’t either apart from ex taking kids 10 hours a week. But I drive myself through it all when I see how much they need me and rely on me. I know someday it will all be worth it.

Massive hugs to you xo

I work 3 days a week and we have a nanny for those days but I'm a teacher so she doesn't do holidays..

Is that the nanny's choice? Could you ask her to do some work over the holiday as overtime?

If not, get a babysitter over so you can have at least one evening away from them. Just go for a drive and sit somewhere quiet, you don't need to have a night out (but you could if you felt like it).

Your kids are at probably the worst/hardest ages. It's a cliche but it does get better, even though it seems so far away one day you'll have some freedom and independence back. And they won't always scream every time you give them the wrong colour spoon. They won't always need to be strapped into a pram kicking and screaming. They will grow into older children and then into adulthood. Your life now is not how it is always going to be. Please keep going, get support, stay strong.

Oh my. A similar gap to me and I have to say the toughest ages I think. I think it is hard when you work part time also, as you are already tired and do not always have the time and tactics to deal with them! Fresh air always used to help - me mainly but also them - and I have to say, they watched lots of telly! And I drank lots of wine!

Hi OP

I felt exactly like you 12 months ago. It's a tough slog with young kids and in the moment it feels like things will never get better and you wonder why you ever wanted them in the first place.

But trust me when I say, this will pass!

Can't you and your dh take it in turns to get a bit of free time. Like you get out in your own for a few hours on a Saturday and he does the same on a Sunday? Or even taking it in turns to do night shifts so one of you can get a decent nights sleep?

I would also really recommend calling your gp and telling them exactly how you feel. When I opened up to my gp he was so sympathetic and he even admitted he had similar feelings in the past. He prescribed me
Ads and they really made a huge improvement to my mood and I have more energy. I know they aren't for everyone but they really helped me when I felt my lowest.

Remember OP, this too shall pass!

I know it feels like it's never ending, it's so hard.
I just used to keep repeating to myself,
"This too, shall pass." And although it seems like the stages go on forever, it does pass, and things do get easier.
Grab any opportunity you can to get 5 minutes to yourself. It won't hurt them to shove them in front of the TV while you have a coffee. Go for a drive if they are ok in the car, take a flask and a book in case they nap. And chocolate!
If friends or family offer any help, take it. It feels strange to say yes, because we're so conditioned to refuse. But I find people are pleased to be able to help if they can.

Thank you everyone. I think DH and I are becoming strategic with who does what. Ds was not accepting DH doing bathtime which was a nightmare but now is OK. Thing is I'd then say let's alternate but will that confuse them?

I feel very conflicted between having boundaries and having a strong routine and going with the flow.

Oh goodness OP. I remember that age/age gap and it's a nightmare. It really is. So much so that the "it shall pass" comments, which are true, seemed utter nonsense to me because it was utterly relentless.

You deserve a break. If there's any way it's possible for the nanny to do a day in the holidays where you leave the house and do something for yourself it's absolutely worth the investment. Lunch in a cafe, going to the cinema, having a massage, going to a museum, seeing friends - whatever floats your boat, it doesn't matter - can be a nicer break than they seem when you're too exhausted to even think about doing anything.

*Just seen bath update. Look, it doesn't matter. DH is their father not a stranger. Let him do it. You can keep bathtime routine at similar time, with story (or whatever) after and same bedtime regardless of who does it.

Those are tough ages. You’re right in the midst of the madness and sheer relentlessness. I didn’t enjoy those years very much (but now, of course, I sometimes catch myself feeling nostalgic for them ) Like you, I wished sometimes that I hadn’t become a mum. I didn’t really enjoy my life for a few years. Like another poster, I also ended up on SSRIs but that won’t be the right thing for everyone.

This will pass and things will get better, I promise. It just feels like it’s taking forever when you’re right in the middle of it. You have to carve out some time for yourself; some headspace (cause noone else will so you have to make it happen).

Is there anyone who would have your kids for a weekend so you and your husband could get away somewhere? It won’t transform your life and you’ll still have to go home and back into the relentlessness, but at least you’d have had a change of scene and some uninterrupted sleep.

We've really no one.

Nanny is state school holidays whereas I'm private so from now on I'll get 15 days a year of own time. I had 3 last week for the first time ever. It was amazing. But it felt like being led back into captivity afterwards.