DH is self harming

[Hadalifeonce]

Any experience would be helpful.
DH is self harming, we have been to GP/hospital due to infections. He is seeing a counsellor, who wants to write to the GP suggesting a psychiatrist/OT. DH feels he might need to be sectioned, any one had anything similar?

What has the GP / hospital said?
I'd expect at least the offer of seeing the psych team I'd he is presenting at A and E with self inflicted injuries.

I doubt he would be sectioned. The thresholds for that are rightly very high and unless he doesn't have capacity, he will be treated in the community. Is he taking any medication?

The GP seems satisfied with counselling, I really don't know what to expect from medical professionals. He has been offered no medication.
I am sort of hoping a psychiatrist may prescribe something, but I have no idea what any medication would actually do.
It's such a nightmare.

I am not sure medication will solve the self harm, unless the self harm is caused by a severe depressive disorder for example. Self harm itself is not a mental health condition, it is a behaviour, a way of coping for some people, a way of gaining control. It needs to be considered alongside a broader spectrum of symptoms. The counsellor will be best placed to make recommendations and if they are suggesting a psychiatrist or mental health input then they can make the referral themselves? It doesn't have to come from the GP

How are you with this? Are you getting support for you? Are dc involved?
Is the self harm in front of you or dc?
It may be you need to let him deal with this
You going to hospital with him may be unhelpful... he needs to get the help himself ...

Exp had a phase, it was a nite mare, yes; looking back holding his hand didn't help .... especially as I had dc to consider. Also mh team were not that interested in his self harm behaviour when I reported it, it was for him to address himself really.

If it is impacting you and your life talk to someone for you. Dealing with it may mean stepping back and letting him access doctors aNd help for himself.

Is he asking you to research medication?
He can do this himself
It is his to deal with. And to discuss with his doctors. And take himself to get infections treated. Let him own it.

How is he self harming? And how bad?

Self harm is in most cases (unless there's other conditions they've got as well) just a coping mechanism, a way of coping. So it's overwhelming emotions that he can release this way.
So it's about finding other ways of coping/talking about his feelings.

Does he have any other conditions or was it just this?

Thank you for replying, our DC are young adults, so are very aware something is very wrong, although they haven't seen the damage.
He has done the research re the counsellor, I take him to the GP and A&E, at his request, as he doesn't always feel he can drive.
I do breathing exercises, and meditation with him, and try to distract him when I can see he is in a distressed state. I just feel so useless and resentful at the same time watching the man I love trying to self district, battling with himself.
I do have family and friends who are there for me, but it's very difficult for them to understand the extent of the problem. Most people don't encounter this kind of thing.

@Embracelife let him own it? Are partners not supposed to support each other during difficult times? If he was refusing any help whatsoever then you might have a point but your advice just seems to be to be cold and distant and I don't see how that can be helpful in any way. You can be a supportive partner without being an enabler.

I dread to think what might happen if I just left him to get on with it. He is scared, as am I.

Unless he is at serious risk of suicide its unlikely they will section him or even offer him inpatient treatment NHS mental health services are woeful. Is the counselling offering any coping strategies? Like a pp said self harm is an outlet for overwhelming emotions, the counselling should help him be able to handle these emotions better. I spent many years self harming and it can also become a habit. Even now having not cut myself for many years it is often the first thing my brain goes to when I am overwhelmed by something. It took me a long time to and a lot of therapy to be able to resist that overwhelming desire to hurt myself but he need to learn to redirect that energy into something else. This could be flicking an elastic band on his wrist, clenching and unclenching fists, even digging his nails into his palms/legs. None of these are great coping strategies but I found they helped until I was at a point where more sensible options like going for a walk/run until the need passed was feasible.

I've self harmed in the past, from my teens into adulthood. And when things get on top of me I do still feel the urge, however I have it mainly under control now.

Things I've found helpful...
CBT. I know lots of people who say it doesn't work, but if you engage and work at it, a lot of the techniques are very good for bringing yourself back from the edge.
Taking to an actual psychiatrist. Not a psychotherapist or nurse. It helped me work through the root causes and identify why I feel the need to do it.

I've been through lots of counselling and on numerous medications. But those two things are what actually helped me get under control.
If I'm having a bad patch in my life I do occasionally end up back on anti depressants, but I find myself too spaced out and don't like the side effects. CBT techniques are much better for making me feel more in control; however, I need to be in the state of mind to actually use them.

It's a shit situation, for you, for him and everyone watching. But there are things he can do to help gain some control over it. It's harder for the people watching, that feeling of helplessness.

Have a very unmumsnetty hug

[quote Rustnot]@Embracelife let him own it? Are partners not supposed to support each other during difficult times? If he was refusing any help whatsoever then you might have a point but your advice just seems to be to be cold and distant and I don't see how that can be helpful in any way. You can be a supportive partner without being an enabler.[/quote]
That is what I was getting at.

He needs to work on it with his m h team.

Op is limited in what op can do
And needs support themselves.

Op get some support for you call MIND helpline , etc

Thank you everyone, I am so sorry for those of you who have experienced self harm, or tried to support anyone with it.
Today has been particularly bad, I have am urgent call out to the GP, as he has started having some kind of small hallucinations. Luckily we took out health insurance at the beginning of lockdown, so if s psychiatric referral is given it is covered on our policy, I think.

Thank you for the support, it really helps to be able to talk anonymously, I hate burdening people IRL as it could be all I talk about.

It sounds like he needs urgent care if he is self harming to the extent that he's getting infections, and now hallucinations.

He does need to be seen by a psychiatrist, it may be that the psychiatrist needs to recommend the medication before a GP can prescribe it.

I'm surprised he hasn't been offered medication for the short term whilst he waits on a psychiatry appointment.

I self harm when things get on top of me, and my head starts going 1000mph, so I do absolutely sympathise with your DP.

Check your insurance, some referrals require an NHS GP referral, and some you can go to a private GP which is charged to your insurance.

Also take care of you as well, as you won't be able to help your DP without looking after yourself.

Ask gp for the number for "crisis team"
He will need to speak to them

The GP has spoken with the crises team, we are waiting for them to call.

*crisis

Keep a charged up mobile on you in case you need to call 999 if things get bad.

All phones being charged, bag packed just in case.
No idea really, what to expect.

He needs assessing IMO, you cannot handle this OP it's not fair. I can't imagine the toll, keep making a fuss and don't wait too long for them to call - unfortunately they are often overstretched and often don't get back to people, you need to look after yourself of course but someone might need to advocate for him to get the help he needs if he's not able to do that right now. If you can just go private with you insurance I would do that asap. Counselling is definitely not enough but if you're not careful they will fob you off and just hope it resolves itself.

If you have health insurance, why has he not seen a psychiatrist already?

He has been seeing a PTSD chap privately, it has gone downhill rapidly recently.
The crisis team have called, they are coming on Saturday. Huge relief.

I’m so sorry, OP. But I would get a referral to a private psychiatrist in first thing tomorrow. NHS services are very limited in many areas, although you might be lucky.

How are you both OP? Any contact from the crisis team?