It's my birthday and I want to sob and sob

[DumbledoreWithBoughsOfHolly]

I have just completely fucked up everything. This is the worst birthday I have ever had, and I can tell you, I have had some absolute total miseries.

DD ill in bed.
DH ill in bed.
DH bought me presents I did not want and we cannot afford and I was so cross I threw them back in his face and told him to take them back to the shop.

I have exceeded even my own brattish expectations.

I feel so miserable and crap and OLD.

I think maybe you thought the picture issue had been solved

and he went into a shop thinking 'ooh, this is a nice way to show pictures instead'

and I think it would prob be cheaper to run a digiframe than to buy photographic printing paper and ink cartridges, esp if you wanted to update regularly

speaking as someone who used to do lots of colour printing for work - it costs

TT, that would be a nice idea too. I have already "spent" the money in my head on the plates, some dvds (I also asked dh for and he ignored) and some much needed clothes, but I do recognise that I behaved appallingly yesterday so I am a bit nervous about suggesting the whole digital photo frame idea is lost.

Oh no, not tacky to have slide shows - obviously not - but IMO it is tacky to have something on and constantly running as some sort of permanent display.

I hope you find a solution you are both reasonably happy with. It is tricky, isn't it?

I think you have to respect the fact that he tried

he must feel like crap at the moment when in his head he has tried to do something nice for you

I don't think it's so much about the issue of the frame as about - well, don't take this the wrong way please, please, but you do seem to be being a leeetle bit controlling about this

often presents are a surprise; It shouldn't cause this much upset. And planning what to spend the money on in your head - well why don't you just go out next time and do your own shopping? That's not really being 'bought' a present, is it, and nothing really that your dh could feel he had done for you, if he is trying to do something special. You do seem sucking a lot of the fun out of it.

all said with love

Oh yes I am the biggest control freak you are ever likely to meet. I am not offended by what you said. I thought that was a given!

Ok, well I am going to leave this now. We have said our piece to each other and I have so much more on my plate at the moment than just this issue so I think it is better to just leave it for now. Who knows? In a month or two's time, I might be here boasting about my must have Digital Photo Frame flashing away in the corner. The words "I couldn't live without it" are drifting through my mind.

Thanks for all your good advice and words of wisdom as always. I am sadly lacking in wisdom most of the time I think.

Excuse me for barging after you've signed off so elegantly DD.

I've just read this thread and, many things you say "strike a bell" with me too ie have similar issues/am same age/am going through "what shall I do with my life" angst/am often a shouty witch and hate myself for it.

So just wanted to say give yourself permission NOT to do the course if you are feeling embattled by the thought of it. I recognise that feeling of putting pressure on yourself. If you know in your heart of hearts that you don't want to go back to teaching then why not say "fark, I'm not going to do it?" Crikey, as a teacher you are more than intelligent/experienced enough to tackle a quiet office job which is what you say you want to do. Why not research some admin training at your local college and ask for info about courses in latest software applications?

Sorry if this post is a bit intrusive! Not my itention! Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

er, that was meant to be barging "in" ...

DDG - will echo what others have said - you've just had a bad day but it doesn't make you a bad person!

I'll be 47 in March and I'm definitely not old! It's all in the mind, so don't let yourself feel ancient or that's what you'll turn into!

I don't go clubbing or anything daft like that, but neither do lots of the 20 & 30-somethings that I know.

I ride, I play netball, I have fun...

I love it when all the "as old as me" or "older than me" people come on and tell me I am a spring chicken! Thanks guys!

Course started today. It was OK. I know what you mean Countingthegreyhairs, re not doing it if I dont want to (surely as we get older we can start being kind to ourselves sometimes?!) but tbh with you, if I allowed myself that approach, I could easily slip into doing absolutely nothing at all.

I am looking upon the course not as a gateway to definitely going back to teaching, but as an opportunity to see how I really feel about the job.

Good philosophy DG!

hi dumbledore...
I am 43 tomorrow and feeling a little wobbly about it so you have my understanding. It is a shit time to have a birthday - nothing more to be said about it. I am also a teacher. It is a wonderful, rewarding career but not one to return to if you don't feel at full strength. Take your time pet. My insticts are that you were probably a fab teacher and could be even better with your experiences of motherhood behind you - just don't jump too soon

hi dumbledore...
I am 43 tomorrow and feeling a little wobbly about it so you have my understanding. It is a shit time to have a birthday - nothing more to be said about it. I am also a teacher. It is a wonderful, rewarding career but not one to return to if you don't feel at full strength. Take your time pet. My insticts are that you were probably a fab teacher and could be even better with your experiences of motherhood behind you - just don't jump too soon

That seems like a very sound philosophy DDG. I know exactly what you mean and have to avoid that pitfall (slipping in to nothingness) myself. Hope the course goes well!

Good luck for day 2 DG!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

PCx

Just caught up with this DG - hope you have a good day today on your course and really proud for the way you are looking at it being something to help you make an informed decision.
I know you often beat yourself up about things but as someone who has not seen your threads for a few weeks I can really tell you are moving on - well done

I have to admit, after yesterday (first day of course) when it all seemed quite a positive thing, today felt a lot less positive. All the other people on the course seem a lot more motivated and interested than I am - I spent the day thinking "I wonder how much of this I really have to worry about....How little can I get away with?...." Not really the right attitude, I know.

Still, early days yet. Maybe it will begin to come together later....

Sorry today wasnt so good DG. I am sure you are not the only one wondering 'how little can I get away with'.

How is the family?

PCx

Second day is always a bit of an anti climax, plus you can't expect to feel up for it every day.
Have reasonable expectations for yourself DG!

Yeah thanks Jackstini (and as always PC) I did think the same thing myself. Also, I was rational enough to recognise that yesterday's topic was rather weighty. It was a bit lighter today. And anyway, it is the weekend now! Hooray!

Hope you had a good weekend DG and you enjoy your course this week.

HUGS for DG

PCx

More HUGS for DG - yesterday was a tough day for her.

PCx