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Original poster

It's my birthday and I want to sob and sob

123 replies

DumbledoreWithBoughsOfHolly · 31/12/2007 10:35

I have just completely fucked up everything. This is the worst birthday I have ever had, and I can tell you, I have had some absolute total miseries.

DD ill in bed.
DH ill in bed.
DH bought me presents I did not want and we cannot afford and I was so cross I threw them back in his face and told him to take them back to the shop.

I have exceeded even my own brattish expectations.

I feel so miserable and crap and OLD.

OP posts:
discoverlife · 31/12/2007 11:01

I would take the photo frame back and keep the mobile. But tell everybody that your birthday is postponed for a week (maybe two) and you will be having an unofficial birthday (like the Queen)on such and such a date instead because everybody is so ill.
DH and I do it for our wedding anniversary because it is on the 28th and we can't afford to do anything nice, so we postpone our aniversary celebrations till the end of January (and incidently buy pressies in the sales.)

HuwEdwards · 31/12/2007 11:02

god DD, I'm sure we've ALL kicked off like that on ocassion - stop being so hard on yourself and HAPPY BIRTHDAY >>

collision · 31/12/2007 11:03

Discoverlife....brilliant idea. An unofficial birthday at the end of January.

You should do that forever!

and go to the cinema later!!!!

scrummymummy1965 · 31/12/2007 11:04

43 is not old - 43 will be my next birthday.

ahundredtimes · 31/12/2007 11:07

43 is quite old, too old to be throwing presents in people's faces anyway.

Go have a bath. Deep breath. Get in perspective. Buy yourself a birthday cake. Apologise. Explain re the plates and the photo-frame.

SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 31/12/2007 11:07

i found the birthday card from my 50th birthday on the mantle piece las tweek and read the message lots of love from dp

and thought where on there does it say you were going to leave me 3 weeks later

make uip with your dh and have a happy rest of the birthday it can be done

collision · 31/12/2007 11:23

dd....you at the cinema?

Anna8888 · 31/12/2007 11:30

If you want plates for your birthday, you should get plates. Personally, I would find plates much, much more personal (since I do all the catering in this house, and that is a creative activity in which I am highly involved) than a digital photo frame (I don't find techy things remotely personal).

Try to explain why you would prefer plates in terms that make your DH understand that they really would increase your happiness.

Original poster
DumbledoreWithBoughsOfHolly · 31/12/2007 11:32

I am seriously thinking about the cinema. Is Enchanted a film that ds3 (4) ds2 (10) and ds1 (11) would enjoy? If I went out, I would have to take them too as they are at least well. I couldn't just go out on my own. Life isn't led like this in my family. In fact, going out alone would make the situation worse I think.

I know I am thinking too much about it but you dont really know the whole picture. I Have ruined more of my birthdays than I can possibly count, and I have had more hissy fits than is healthy for any one life. So you see, it is not just about today, but about my whole life really.

I feel such a failure as a personality.

But I am going to look up Enchanted on the cinema website now because I am determined to try and be more like all of you sensible people.

OP posts:
SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 31/12/2007 11:35

yes it would and if your dh was well enough he would laugh and have fun too

its a true all ages fil and will amke you feel good

i'm not sensible i know where you are coming from and what its like to feel down

but they are just presents in the end

nutcracker · 31/12/2007 11:38

Keep the phone, explain to dh that you really cannot afford to keep the frame and then when you are all better you can all go out and help pick another more suitable present, or perhpas just go out for a meal.

You remind me of me tbh, I always expect my birthday to be good and happy etc, it is my birthday after all, but I am always dissapointed, I think my expectations are too high so I am going to make myself not give a toss about them anymore.

If you can't go out today then stay in and watch a film, listen to music, anything, but do not do housework it will make you feel miserable.

lilmissmummy · 31/12/2007 11:54

My best friend is an anti birthday person too and we dont make a big deal about it because we love her we know that she is angry miserable difficult and bitchy on her birthday. To make up for it she gets presents early- wrapped in plain paper. friendship cards instead of birthday cards and a night out with the girls and their partners for a meal with no mention of birthdays or cakes! xx

Original poster
DumbledoreWithBoughsOfHolly · 31/12/2007 11:59

It makes me feel better to know I am not alone in this. I have always found my birthday difficult - my earliest memory is of refusing to open my presents one birthday when I must have been 3 or 4. I don't understand why I was like that then. But I do know, when I got older I found it hard to have a birthday so close to Christmas and I have a pathological hatred for the celebration of the New Year because it clashes with my birthday! I suppose, with that background, even adult birthdays are hard to deal with, though I have been much better lately and I do not really mind that my dd is as ill as I have ever seen her today thus stopping us from going out. I have grown up enough to know that it doesnt matter if we dont do anything today, there will be other days.

But I still can't get over the present thing.

Are you sure Enchanted is OK for boys? Looks a bit soppy for them...

OP posts:
elkiedee · 31/12/2007 12:01

Was £220 the total cost of the pressies or just the digital photo frame? What is a digital photo frame anyway? I wondered if it would be possible with the money to get you both something more personal and the plates. I know where you're coming from, I love mugs in designs I really like - usually silly stuff like cats (not very grown up tastes) and think it's lovely to be given things I'll really be able to use regularly.

Dottydot · 31/12/2007 12:02

Enchanted will be lovely - dp's going to take ds1 soon I think.

I'm starting to wobble about my next birthday in February - I'll be 39. I seem to be not very good at the end of each decade - had a HUGE wobble when I was 28 (the year I realised I needed to have children - and dp was very much not into having them at that stage). So now 10 years later I'm stressing out about only having one more year left of my 30's.

Ho hum. at least you're "early" something, not "nearly" something or "late" something!!

Cappuccino · 31/12/2007 12:09

It is really frustrating to be given things that you can't justify spending

if you do decide to keep the frame, load it up with pics of the kids and keep updating them so they are always there to see

or say you would like a cheaper one - you can get bog-standard digital photo frames for under £50 - then you could enjoy it and feel less guilty

in the future is it possible to rearrange your finances so that your dh can make gestures that are his decision and responsibility? your dh works v hard from what you have said before but it is you as the mum who shoulders the financial worry, if you are anything like me

we solved this by having a separate small account each with a little bit of money going in on a standing order each month - peanuts really - but it does mean that dh can splash out at birthdays and Christmas which he really enjoys doing. He is not a 'saver' like me and just doesn't see money in the same way

LowFat · 31/12/2007 12:09

Please try and make up with your DH, a digital photo frame is a lovely idea and I can understand why he did it instead of plates. Although do say to him in private that he does not need to spend so much on gifts in future

My DH was the opposite and typical of what women think when it comes to men buying presents.

My Christmas present from DH was 2 DVD's I had specifically requested and 4 (yes 4) boxes of chocolates. Then whilst eating box no.2 with him I got 'when are you going to start being good again?'

Have a takeaway tonight, while you're out get yourself a birthday cake. If they can't come out to the cinema bring a little party back to them, by way of an apolgy.

Happy Birthday
X

FrannyandZooey · 31/12/2007 12:16

DG this is all fine, you fucked up a bit and now you are taking steps to put it right

personally I think you should go further and try to sort this out altogether so that this problem doesn't keep occurring in the future. I know it isn't everyone's idea of fun but a counsellor could help you sort through all these long standing issues you mention

I think you had better explain very clearly and simply to the children that although you love the present, it really cost too much money and you will be worried about it unless you can change it for something less expensive that you really need.

Can't the boys stay at home if they don't want to see the film?

TsarChasm · 31/12/2007 12:22

Oh dearie me DG! Come old...hold my hand...Jump! We'll be 43 together. It's mine on Friday. It's not so bad. Just knock five years off if it bothers you!

It's me, btw TinyGang - I have come up with stupid new name for 2008 cos my 'gang' aren't looking so tiny anymore...sob!

lulumama · 31/12/2007 12:25

no good me saying a trite happy birthday, is there? have a better day tomorrow, you've had some good advice here.. specially from franny.. she is so very sensible and wise

you can sort things out, really you can, and you will feel better for it. xxxx

dooley1 · 31/12/2007 12:27

Oh Dg I know how you feel
I drop hints for my dh all year round about what I'd really really like for presents. Something as simple as box of chocolates and nice wine and he always gets something extravagent and not really what i want. He did the new mobile thing last xmas and I did get used to it (although of course now this year he's had to upgrade it so I'm back to square one now)
have you apologised yet?

NotquiteChristmasyet · 31/12/2007 12:29

No words of wisdom for you, but just wanted to send loads of sympathy. Having ill children in the house always does my head in completely. After a day or two, thinking nrmally becomes impossible. Add to that the strain of trying to enjoy a birthday, after all the Christmas hype, and a well intentioned but misguided dh and I can completely understand your reaction.

Hope you manage to hug, make up, and enjoy something yummy to eat together tonight. Your birthday. Your choice of food.

lou33 · 31/12/2007 12:30

sympathies to you

i am 41 on thursday, the highlight of my day will be 2 hours up the local working mans club, so the kids get to see a belated santa, and get gifts from him

luckily charliecat has come to the rescue and invited me to hers on friday night, or else i would have nothing planned at all

Original poster
DumbledoreWithBoughsOfHolly · 31/12/2007 13:09

Thanks everyone. You are all so wise and sensible. I don't think I will ever be anything but a little girl when it comes to my emotions and reactions...

Nice to know who you are TsarChasm (I was wondering the other day having missed your announcement). You will always be TG to me though!

What I really meant to say though was this: SantaBaby, I am so sorry about your situation. You posted what you did and no-one seemed to notice it and I am very sorry I did not comment on it earlier. I did not get a card from dh this year (because of the illness) so at least if mine leaves me in three weeks, he will not have made any declarations of love for me that he did not mean.

I have just done an hour of gardening (well, it is not housework and I do need to get some fresh air after so many days cooped up in the house). No, I have not apologised yet. I feel so raw. And I am a stubborn bitch. I don't know whether the cinema would be a good idea after all...

OP posts:
SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 31/12/2007 13:18

thanks

go on babe say sorry

and the film would make u smile it did me

i got a troll bead bracelet for my birthday from (ex)dp so he could add to it on future occasions

we spent ages looking at the beads on the internet and chose a gold and silver sun and moon as he doesnt have a bank account i paid for it on my credit card...i'm still paying for it it was 250 quid

and fuck him i'm still wearing it too