The impact of this on intractable MH conditions has really caught my attention.
I have a recurrent transient, but, sometimes disabling tic from what a psychiatrist said is PTSD, a hangover from one of our kids being chronically and seriously ill.
I've had counselling but it made no difference - I just couldn't talk about it because I couldn't remember the half of it, and, TBH, I like it that way. My preference is to think "he's fine, hurrah for the NHS, hurrah for everything", rather than revisit fucking awful times. I was a terrible patient, polite but totally avoidant.
Even mindfulness, no thanks - if my brain isn't busy then memories creep in and I'm stuck with flashbacks and no sleep. "Mindfulness is proven to be very effective, just try it with me" She doesn't have time in a consultation to talk people through mindfulness, so I could see she was going above and beyond and obediently shut my eyes and imagined walking up that sodding path by that sodding loch. "look at me, Doc, I've got a right sweat on, my HR is up and I'm ticcing so hard I look like I'm a zoom glitch"
I'd much prefer to not have to process ANY of it, thank you - but also, I can't deny that I have symptoms which fit a diagnosis that I just don't want.
Mindfulness makes me anxious. I just wasted resources at counselling. Medication did help but made me fat(ter) (health impacting levels of fatness), and seeing as how I pretend I don't have PTSD then I'm not particularly motivated to comply with meds took away my capacity to have a carry on and a bloody good laugh, both of which are definitely therapeutic! Exercise helps the most of anything I've tried, I'm very disciplined with that til I feel better and then I stop because I don't have a problem, right?
If I'm stressed, tired, or unwell then some sounds can set it all off again, sometimes it's not too bad, sometimes it interferes with driving and I can't talk, usually lasts between a week and a month and spontaneously settles.
I do accept that I'm resistant to that diagnosis because I'm actively trying to minimise what happened when my son was younger.
My care has been excellent, I really can't fault the system I've been in - I just, to quote the kids, "can't even".
The psych had an interesting point that mothers of seriously ill children will cope, for years if they have to, and if the child recovers and we don't need to cope any more then the trauma manifests itself because that's what trauma does, cue MH crisis. If the outcome isn't as happy as my son's was then the crisis gets mistaken for grief and a diagnosis is missed or delayed. She also said that you can't avoid the trauma, that it'll pop up until it is processed, and I see her point.
So, my curiosity is piqued. And, I am rather partial to a pizza ai funghi...
I'm also VERY conformist. Haven't even smoked a cigarette. Went to Amsterdam in my 20s and failed to buy weed. Well, I did, but I didn't know how to roll a cigarette so left the cafe feeling Very Uncool Indeed.
So, how illegal is growing mushrooms and how ill advised is dabbling in stuff you don't know about without medical supervision?