Woke up to a panic attack because I am supposed to go to primark tomorrow

[ecoanxiety]

Background
For years I have been terrified of the effects of climate change. There has been increased flooding in my area that past 10 years and I have recently moved house to what is essentially the bottom of a bowl. Surrounded by 4 very big hills (built up not countryside) and there is due to be another massive housing estate (300 ish houses) to be built between the existing houses on one hill.
I am SO worried about flooding. the excess run off from having this many extra houses (plus the loss of mature trees)
a few members of the community and a local MP run workshops for people worried about the increased flooding. Its a real threat not just my anxiety.

Anyway to battle my anxiety about this I have made lifestyle changes to become eco friendly. No car, grow food, plant a couple of trees, compost, second hand everything... you know. Make my little changes to keep myself feeling in control.

I avoid going into the city centre. I can't stand it. The shops are just full of new things. fast fashion plastic toys
waste waste waste.
I have a panic attack every time and haven't been in years because it makes me realise that my efforts (significant efforts. my life is based around my eco footprints)
I woke up just and I feel the flight or fight feeling. its not stopping.
My sister is going to primark to get the same cheap shit she goes for every time (just more shoes and black clothes for work. its the Samuel vimes story for real) and its just making me feel so scared for my future, my children's future, my families future.
I can't fucking deal with it.
I've
already been sectioned for suicidal feelings and I have a serious worry that I will be again because I have a family history of a mental health condition (a big well known one) and suicide. we are counting 3 dead family members. and lots of attempts by others.

GP is useless. the problem is I feel threatened by climate change. GP can't sort that out for me. I don't know what I can do.
anyone feel similar? I fucking can't live like this i feel hunted.

Yeah, I also buy the black shit for work too 🤷‍♂️.

2nd hand stuff is cheap too

I know this is a little off topic but can I just tell you that Primark works on a completely different system than other high street clothing shops and you labelling it cheap with derision does not address why it is cheaper than other shops.

They don't spend millions advertising, they don't sponsor tv shows, they rely on word of mouth. In contrast Next spent £65 million on digital marketing. They don't sell online, even their website barely touches what the actually sell. Therefore no payments needed for pickers, delivery drivers, delivery vehicles, fuel, customer services.

Their stock turn over is less often than Zara and they use slow boats rather than planes to transport their clothing. Higher prices for clothes do not necessarily mean better ethical or environmental practices.

My Dad worked in marketing in the textile industry so saw all the practises first hand as he travelled the world with his job, he was dealing with the factories making the textiles and the clothes from the textiles.

If your sister can only afford Primark and you need clothes then that is where she needs to shop. Charity shops are hit and miss and sometimes more expensive.

That is a super-interesting way of looking at it SpudWithButter, thanks for sharing.

Commenters' calling the OP a snob or "absolutely vile" need to check themselves. The OP literally referenced the Samuel Vines story in her first post. OP sounds very empathetic, she can't help that it triggers feelings of panic. I've spent years of my life struggling with money in the past, and plastic-y fast fashion still makes me retch.

If your anxiety disorder is giving you a fixation, no amount of reasoning or moralistic lecturing will make it go away. I absolutely relate to this feeling. I once found myself in a week long spiral of insomnia and obsession over a pair of earrings I'd just remembered having lost three years prior. Nothing could calm me down. The threat was imagined, but the feeling was VERY real. This is the reality of some mental health conditions, so before commenters lash out because someone insulted their precious Primark, they ought to address their priorities instead.

OP, I know it's daunting and sometimes unrewarding to self-advocate for proper mental health care, and it's not as simple as "omg go 2 ur GP" as some posters seem to think. I found it helped to type out a list of how my condition was affecting me and bringing it to appointments, as it can be hard to get the point across in a GP appointment.

For now, though, it might help to find a reliable, calming distraction to see if you can shake this current spiral. I wish you the best.

Mate just don't go to Primark. It won't solve your MH problems but it'll take away one trigger that you can comfortably avoid. No need to make your sister feel bad, just say oh I fancy a coffee, I'll meet you afterwards.

I'm violently anxious about flying but it's fine, I just don't fly anywhere.

@JulieGoods

Primark and your sister are totally irrelevant here.

You need help for your MH. That's what today needs to be spent focusing on. Nothing else.

This is correct. Try to filter out the replies that are criticising you for how you feel about your sisters choice of shoes! Don't engage with them. This is not about the environment or your opinions on mass produced cheap clothing (although I agree with you on that, I also understand that there are people who will need to shop there). You need to find a way to get your anxiety under control. It sounds crippling.

Growing your own veg etc has made absolutely no difference to the climate change. It needs to be billions of people working together. With this knowledge get support for your anxiety and start to enjoy your life. You only live once!

Op, on a tangent, but did you watch the new David Attenborough show yet? There was a bit about restoring rainforest habitat right in the middle of it. I remember being taught at school that once rainforest had been cleared it was gone forever and could never recover. And yet, there was old Dave, standing in the middle of a bit of forest which 30 years ago had been cleared for cattle grazing - it had been bought by a scientific project and left to recover. And it had! It was amazing. And it gave me such hope. I would watch it, if I were you. It’s good to get a bit of balance. Of course the climate and where we are with it is worrying - but there is hope, too. That’s not a reason for complacency, but hope is important.

I hope you are feeling better this morning.

I get it OP

I think you are having intrusive thoughts caused by anxiety and then OCD
Are you able to afford private therapy

Would your sister go with you to the doctor? I do think you need help managing your anxiety.

@TeddySteady

It sounds like your anxiety is something that would exist, even if climate change weren’t an issue. Of course you are genuinely concerned about it (as we all should be), but it has become the sole focus of all your anxious feelings. If it didn’t exist or was solved, you would probably shift those feelings to another worry or cause. I go through periods of general anxiety and I’ve noticed that if I’m fretting about something like a health concern that turns out to be nothing, I almost always find something else to fret about - and it becomes hugely exaggerated in my mind. And so it goes on. I know you don’t want to take drugs but there must be talking therapies available and so on that would help you address the root cause of your feelings and find ways to start changing your response to them. Wishing you all the best.

This exactly. You are using climate change as a hook and a defence. "I don't need to medicate for my anxiety, its the climate change that is making me anxious" You know really that's not true don't you? I am not saying that climate change doesn't exist or that we shouldn't be worried and take action but do you honestly think that not going boot shopping with your sister is a proportionate response?

I agree with everyone else that this isn't about Primark, or floods, or climate change. It's about anxiety. Climate change is the "hook" which your anxiety has attached itself to, and if it wasn't that it'd be something else.

Have you tried mindfulness/meditation? I find it really works for me as it's all about being in the present and concentrating on the here and now rather than letting your mind run away with the what ifs and worries for the future.

@cloudtree I'd say that's the exact opposite of what the OP should do, it's just feeding the anxiety. OP I think climate change is not the cause of your anxiety, it's a hook to hang it on. I'd kindly suggest you seek help for that in the first instance.

@cloudtree

IME you have to try to take control of it. The more changes you personally make, the more control you have and the better you will feel. I’d step up your efforts with eco friendly things. It sounds like you’ve done a few things but there will be loads more you can do.

This might not be the medically approved view but it helps me

I don’t mean an offence but I think this is really bad advice. You cannot control climate change (yes we can make better choices but on an individual level there’s only so much one can do) so this plan is only going to lead to more frustration and anxiety. It is also only focusing on the byproduct of the anxiety, it’s going to push op into a spiral. What is needed is professional help to get to the bottom of the anxiety and tackle is from the root. The climate change worry is really just smoke and mirrors.

You have no control over anyone's actions but your own.
You're doing your bit, be grateful you haven't bought the potential flood home it is a stop gap.
There is no point is being distressed.
The main offenders won't change, we can only take small steps individually on our carbon footprint.
Speak to the GP.

@listsandbudgets

OP if its any comfort I started shopping in Primark about 20 years ago. Im just starting to think about getting rid of the first pair of pyjamas I bought on my first shopping trip there. I've got plenty of thi gs from them that have lasted a good 10 years plus. I saw my neice just 2 recently and she was wearing a primark top my DD wore at same age which has been to all 4 of my nephews in intervening period. DD by the way is 16! I also see plenty of second hand primary in charity shops in good condition so it often gets reused by others too

I know its not huge comfort but its not all throw away fashion.

Are you able to move out of the bowl? I think you may be more suited to hills than valleys

I also have clothes from Primark that are over a decade old. Not all the stuff in there is poor quality. Baby clothes I've got there have been used by multiple children.

I think OP you have to get things in perspective, yes you can do all you can to help the environment but until the world's big polluters like the USA, China and India sort themselves out anything you do is pretty much futile except for (falsely) making you feel like you are in control. Sorry if that sounds defeatist, but that really is the case. Can you put your energies into lobbying your MP rather than concentrating on your sister's trip to Primark?

I haven’t read the full thread so I apologise if this has been mentioned

Would it help for you to help your sister shop for clothes and shoes for work on places like eBay, depop, Vinted or marketplace? So many people buy clothes and only wear them once or not at all. You might even be able to find your sister some really good quality shoes. I don’t know if you go to charity shops, but the one I volunteer in gets so much new stuff. I agree with you that fast cheap fashion is a worry. People think that’s all they can afford, but with a bit of work it isn’t.

Yes you are only an ant trying to bring down an elephant, but if you could help your sister not NEED primark etc, she’d be another ant. Lots of people where I live are doing this, and we have a very popular zero waste shop. Lots of ants to join your army…

I see this as a put your own oxygen on before attempting to help others scenario. You need to manage your anxiety and the best way to tackle that is to accept help and engage with it.

You personally don’t need to manage climate change. Although the steps you are taking are important and impactful. Action needs to be taken at government and intergovernmental level. When you are well, you will be able to campaign and influence change, but you need to look after yourself first.

I found a combination of meds and therapy gave me my life back. It took time, but it has made such a difference to me. I hope that you can write similar before too long.

YABU to target Primark as a problem.

But, they are everyone’s favourite to single out as a problem so I can see why you would be sucked in to that.

Very extreme reaction to visiting one store, you definitely need more help from your GP. Hopefully they won’t be using single use plastic aprons, gloves and masks.

its just fucking annoying. she saves me all of her food waste to compost and doesn't drive and other things to help me feel better (seriously) but you just can't escape it. she needs shoes for work and primark is where she can afford.
I know my sisters circumstances very well and it's just not fair

So wait - your sister doesn't drive because of your anxiety?

What?

If this is the case and i haven't misread that, then how has it got to the point that your anxiety is impacting her life to that extent?

You need to go to the GP and get some sort of intervention because this is a really high unsustainable level of anxiety. A trip to town shouldn't cause you to spiral this much.

Gently and kindly OP, I'd like to ask what you want to achieve from this thread?

You've said you don't want help from the GP, you're not here to bash your sister...what do you want to happen as a result of this post?

Validation, reassurance?

With respect, I think your MH and anxiety around the environment means moving to a flood-prone valley was a bad move. You cannot control flooding by avoiding Primark and growing your own veg. It's a big upheaval to move again but I'd seriously consider it if I were you. If you won't accept medical intervention for your MH and have acknowledged suicidal thoughts due to environmental anxiety then think of moving house to somewhere safer as an essential step in your hopefully recovery from this illness.

@JulieGoods

Primark and your sister are totally irrelevant here.

You need help for your MH. That's what today needs to be spent focusing on. Nothing else.

Absolutely. Speak to your GP today.

@cloudtree

IME you have to try to take control of it. The more changes you personally make, the more control you have and the better you will feel. I’d step up your efforts with eco friendly things. It sounds like you’ve done a few things but there will be loads more you can do.

This might not be the medically approved view but it helps me

The problem with this is your headspace becomes dependent on these ‘reassurance seeking’ behaviours. And the nature of anxiety is that you’ll likely never feel safe with the measures you take, it’ll never feel enough, your brain will cast around for other things you’re not doing and focus on those.

What you have to do is get to the root cause. And that is not climate change it’s an anxiety disorder that is not managed.

You need to treat this problem as what it is: severe mental health issues. You need therapy and medication.

Are there any children involved in this situation? Your actions are extreme and your sister should not be pandering to your anxiety.

Frankly as you are prone to this kind of obsessiveness I don’t think you should allow yourself to get involved in any causes. It’s not healthy for you. The only difference your actions are making a re to your life. You need to block any website/news etc about the environment and beyond basic recycling go utterly cold turkey, quit all environmental things. You’re going down a path of extremism here