Woke up to a panic attack because I am supposed to go to primark tomorrow

[ecoanxiety]

Background
For years I have been terrified of the effects of climate change. There has been increased flooding in my area that past 10 years and I have recently moved house to what is essentially the bottom of a bowl. Surrounded by 4 very big hills (built up not countryside) and there is due to be another massive housing estate (300 ish houses) to be built between the existing houses on one hill.
I am SO worried about flooding. the excess run off from having this many extra houses (plus the loss of mature trees)
a few members of the community and a local MP run workshops for people worried about the increased flooding. Its a real threat not just my anxiety.

Anyway to battle my anxiety about this I have made lifestyle changes to become eco friendly. No car, grow food, plant a couple of trees, compost, second hand everything... you know. Make my little changes to keep myself feeling in control.

I avoid going into the city centre. I can't stand it. The shops are just full of new things. fast fashion plastic toys
waste waste waste.
I have a panic attack every time and haven't been in years because it makes me realise that my efforts (significant efforts. my life is based around my eco footprints)
I woke up just and I feel the flight or fight feeling. its not stopping.
My sister is going to primark to get the same cheap shit she goes for every time (just more shoes and black clothes for work. its the Samuel vimes story for real) and its just making me feel so scared for my future, my children's future, my families future.
I can't fucking deal with it.
I've
already been sectioned for suicidal feelings and I have a serious worry that I will be again because I have a family history of a mental health condition (a big well known one) and suicide. we are counting 3 dead family members. and lots of attempts by others.

GP is useless. the problem is I feel threatened by climate change. GP can't sort that out for me. I don't know what I can do.
anyone feel similar? I fucking can't live like this i feel hunted.

Climate change and its impacts are real, of course, AND your mental health problem is affecting your life and relationships. You’re dismissing ideas for help and focusing instead on the intrusive thoughts, doing things to try to alleviate them etc.

Please do seek professional help and do everything you can to improve your health.

In the meantime, your sister sounds more than understanding, so if you want to avoid Primark, do that, you can still spend time with your sister.

you can't offset primark or lidl or waistrose or Coca-Cola.
its like I just realised my lifes mission is pointless because I'm an ant.

But this is the cause of all of your spiralling thoughts, why are you try take on an elephant as a solitary ant? It's the army of ants that bring things down.

The tide is changing, people are making better choices. The ONLY thing you have control over is what YOU do, and to some extent what your sister does as she's kind enough to accommodate you. Many siblings wouldn't compost etc just to make you feel better.

Until you accept the things you can't control, with help from your GP, you won't get better. You can't carry on feeling helpless because no matter what you do as an individual its never enough.

You don't have to go primark if you are not comfortable I wouldn't go if I didn't agree with it. But I would go back to gp and ask to be referred for cbt you are catastrophising and living in the what ifs of the future. You need to learn to live in the present where there are no floods and it's not scary. You can still do your bit for the environment which Is a fantastic thing to do but without constantly worrying about what ifs.

do you have contact for the psychiatric team? a cpn visiting?

@cloudtree

There's really no need to be so aggressive

Climate change is real and it's a big concern, I am concerned as are many others.

However, your mental health is suffering badly, and as you say, mental health issues do run in your family.

This is the difference - some people can see climate change as an issue, understand its impact, but still be able to function in their day to day life. In the kindest way, you are not able to do that, and you need some help to cope.

That is where the GP can help if you will let them. Please go and see someone about your mental health and taking some medication. If your previous medication did not work then they can put you on something else. Yes it's in a plastic blister pack but those are tiny - you need to get some perspective and balance the good it could do for you vs the extremely minimal effect on the environment of that blister pack.

Good luck

OP if its any comfort I started shopping in Primark about 20 years ago. Im just starting to think about getting rid of the first pair of pyjamas I bought on my first shopping trip there. I've got plenty of thi gs from them that have lasted a good 10 years plus. I saw my neice just 2 recently and she was wearing a primark top my DD wore at same age which has been to all 4 of my nephews in intervening period. DD by the way is 16! I also see plenty of second hand primary in charity shops in good condition so it often gets reused by others too

I know its not huge comfort but its not all throw away fashion.

Are you able to move out of the bowl? I think you may be more suited to hills than valleys

You mention your children, how old are they?

Look - you're not going to stop climate change, none of us can by ourselves and no, tiny singular actions might not make a dent.

But you definitely 100% will have an impact on your children, who have to live in that future no matter what.

They will absorb and learn everything, including unconsciously learning about anxiety and suicide too. That to me is more scary and something you could do something about.

Therapy, medication, meditation could all help you if you stop focusing on the thing (climate change), and tackle the way you think about it instead (anxious thoughts, obsessions, panic, ocd maybe).

You could live a positive eco-friendly life without being terrified all the time, and most importantly, help your children to lead lives that are as balanced and calm as possible.

There's really no need to be so aggressive

I don’t want to derail the OPs thread but if you don’t want an aggressive response don’t be patronising to others who are also trying to assist the OP. When you’re struggling with stress and anxiety, someone coming along and making a patronising and critical comment like yours can derail your whole day. So you got the aggression before I then burst into tears.

Anyway. Off to name change!

Maybe that's all she can afford?

You need to see a licensed therapist for your mental health problems, not judge others so harshly for their choices.

You say you don’t need medication but it sounds like you definitely do..I used to hyper focus on things before being medicated and it wasn’t fun. Also what do Lidl & Waitrose have to do with it?

I think you need to try different medication what did you try before??

You have a choice OP. You live the way you are, worrying about stuff you can't control that other people are doing, or you take medication. Up to you. Your reactions are extreme. I'd be worried about how your mental health is affecting the lives of your children too.

There is medication for anxiety like beta blockers which doesn't have a link to increasing suicidal ideation.
It might make the anxiety more bearable.
Can you afford private psychotherapy/counselling?
I think going to primark is something you need to avoid for now. Could you meet your sister afterwards or another time?
Maybe for now Google thought stopping methods to interrupt the intrusive thoughts re flooding etc.
Re climate change, all we have is now. We can't know the future, even if it does look bleak. Maybe in ten years things will have changed massively.
I have ocd thoughts and ruminating so I'm empathetic. I know you can't just go to a GP and get made better. But little things can chip away at it.
I'm just starting some mental health work on an issue I've had for thirty years and I'm terrified so I know none of this is easy.

I really feel for you. I get panicky about climate change too and feel a real squeeze in my chest about it. I’ve been thinking recently about what else I’d be worrying about if it weren’t that and I realised I would always find something because there is so much suffering in the world. It’s stopping me enjoying all the simple but wonderful things about my life (time with the children, reading a good book etc) and it’s pointless. I could do just as much good without the worrying and enjoy life more. There will always be something to worry about! Regarding the specific flooding threat it sounds like there is some local action going on already to mitigate the flooding risk. Can you join in that? If there isn’t, post on a local group to ask who else is worried and firm a group? Make sure the mature trees aren’t cut down etc. They can be built around! There must be other concerned local people and it might help you to join forces

I'm thinking that if you are experiencing serious OCD and intrusive thoughts and your focus is on climate change but could easily be something different. Your reactions are very extreme and like everyone else here I would be really concerned about your mental health. You must get help. Go to the GP. Its so much about the climate as it us about the thoughts and feelings you are having.

OP,

Sorry I feel like I'm getting defensive and trying to prove myself.
I appreciate the responses but I've had experience and I'm not near suicidal feelings at the moment.
or the need for medication.
I just feel powerless against climate change and have felt suicidal about it in the past and I'm worried that the trip today will enhance those feelings and push me down again.

It’s understandable to feel defensive about this, I think that’s fairly normal. You’re feeling threatened already and then strangers are poking about the most personal thing you have, the inner working of your mind. I know you’ve been in crisis before, I have too, and you recognise that right now you’re not at your worst level, which is great news…..but from my experience, most likely further down the track than you with OCD/anxiety, when you’re not at you’re worst is exactly the time to do the work in therapy to overcome the root cause of your problem here, which is not climate change or Primark or where you live - those are current specific triggers - but your MH. The nature of which is, if climate change was fixed tomorrow, Primark closed down and you moved house to the top of a hill, your anxiety would just find something else to focus on. That’s how it is. When you’re in crisis, and suicidal, all you can do is survive, you are not in a position to engage productively with the work you have to do in therapy to overcome the root issues. But when you’re not in crisis, when you still have some insight and rational understanding of your thought patterns and can recognise the layers of what is causing you such distress - that is when it absolutely is possible to do something about this. What have you got to lose? Why not give it a go? You don’t even have to talk to your GP. Look up IAPT in your area, you can self-refer. You have to go through basic level CBT first before they can offer longer term more in-depth therapy, but it’s a marathon not a sprint, you have to stick with it over time. Honestly it can be done. Personally, I found the right medication helped to lift me just enough to engage properly with the work, but IAPT won’t push you to try medication I don’t think, they can’t prescribe anyway, they’re not doctors.

@Vanishun

You mention your children, how old are they?

Look - you're not going to stop climate change, none of us can by ourselves and no, tiny singular actions might not make a dent.

But you definitely 100% will have an impact on your children, who have to live in that future no matter what.

They will absorb and learn everything, including unconsciously learning about anxiety and suicide too. That to me is more scary and something you could do something about.

Therapy, medication, meditation could all help you if you stop focusing on the thing (climate change), and tackle the way you think about it instead (anxious thoughts, obsessions, panic, ocd maybe).

You could live a positive eco-friendly life without being terrified all the time, and most importantly, help your children to lead lives that are as balanced and calm as possible.

Absolutely this with bells on. Spot on.

Take the bloody medication, FFS. If you had a physical illness you would.

You have a very simple solution but you aren't taking it. There's nothing anyone can do to help you unless you help yourself.

Big hugs for you, anxiety is so hard and I feel for you.

The truth is it's a crazy world that we live in and all you are doing is recognising the truth of that. So having recognised that, which is a lot more than most people have, I think the only sane thing to do is to try to accept it and work out how to deal with it best and help your family to deal with it - in a crazy world it's more important than ever to be there for your family and make life as relaxed and fun as possible for them. That may involve medication, and maybe you could ask about starting on a very low dose in liquid form and building it up very slowly to avoid the adverse side effects you mention. The liquid dose is in a single bottle so may make you feel better regarding the waste aspect.

@EishetChayil

Take the bloody medication, FFS. If you had a physical illness you would.

You have a very simple solution but you aren't taking it. There's nothing anyone can do to help you unless you help yourself.

But why would you say that when there is a documented risk of ssris increasing suicide attempts and the OP has direct experience of that? I am on ssris but I don't experience that effect. Also they don't work for a lot of people

Tell your sister you don't feel up for going. Contact your GP/local crisis team and tell them you aren't coping, which you aren't.

Apologies for formatting fail in my previous post the whole quote from you OP is supposed to be in bold.

It is possible btw to recycle blister packs from tablets btw, there is a terracycle scheme. I use it for all the pain meds and supplements I take to help my mental and physical health!

The trouble with anxiety is that once you ‘solve’ the thing you are obsessing about, you’ll find another thing to obsess about.
You need to dampen down your thoughts with antidepressants and talking therapies.