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Original poster

If you could go to sleep today and never wake up again would you be OK with that?

117 replies

ToJabOrNotToJab · 14/12/2021 09:17

Just that really. Curious to know how many people feel this way. I'm not about to do myself harm, I just feel like I wouldn't be scared or sad.

OP posts:
YourenutsmiLord · 14/12/2021 15:33

No want to see the DGCs grow up ( a bit - I won't be around for all of it as too old).
I spend too much time looking forward to what I will do when - I have more time, I am more organised, I've finished task A, I've read that book , I am fitter, when I've lost weight etc etc - lots to look forward to, just need to apply myself and do them!

YodaiamsaidI · 14/12/2021 15:51

For myself yes.because of my kids no,they keep me here.

BettyfromBristol · 14/12/2021 15:55

Not yet, but in about 10 years time.

smallight · 14/12/2021 16:00

Its interesting reading these responses and I am glad I am not the only one.

For me, my life turned to shit a number of years ago and I have tried in those years to turn it around, but now don't see any way to do so anymore. The changes I may be able to make won't change the fundamental things that make me unhappy. I would feel happier if my life were different, but its not and its intensely, intensely lonely. I've just got to the stage that I have really had enough. The prospect of dragging myself through each day till the kids are grown is unbearable. But there is no alternative. I hate that I have become this person.

MrsGlum · 14/12/2021 16:04

If you’d asked me this time 2 years ago I’d have said “absolutely no way” - I was loving life and confident in myself as a wife and mother.

Now, though, with all the loss and damage (physical & mental) caused to me and my family by the pandemic my answer on most days would be “yes”.

My mental health is now so bad due to a culmination of physical health issues and other bad things happening that it is affecting my DH & DCs massively.

It seems I can do nothing right at the moment and every decision I make or reaction I have has a direct negative impact on them. I feel that everything bad that has been happening is all my fault and that I’m not such a good parent or wife after all. I sometimes think they would be better off without me, but logically I know that wouldn’t be the case. Even then though I think - well once I’m gone I wouldn’t know how it’s affecting them anyway so why care?

On the flip side I’m constantly terrified that something awful will happen to one or all of them. It’s exhausting and I often just want out which is such a horrible feeling when all I’ve ever done is try to nurture and protect them but can’t even get that right at the moment. I want to be able to look forward to mine and their futures but I just can’t right now.

I guess I’m just worn down with feeling so responsible for them in a Covid world where everything feels so frightening, dark, relentless and out of control.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/12/2021 16:07

Absolutely not. I do suffer with anxiety and it wears me out but I wouldn't be ok with death. Hope you're ok OP x

furbabymama87 · 14/12/2021 16:08

No because I'm a mother of 4 with a lovely husband. I have however been depressed in the past and have felt like this, but have always managed to pull myself through the fog.

FreeBritnee · 14/12/2021 16:09

Some days ~ absolutely.

TuesdayRuby · 14/12/2021 16:10

Absolutely not. After seeing terminally ill loved ones clinging desperately to stay alive for as long as they can, I’d never want to waste it. The chance of seeing my children grow up, listening to the music I love, tasting that food that I find delicious!! You have to get pleasures even out of the small things. Life is ALWAYS worth living.

Angel2702 · 14/12/2021 16:10

Yes always felt that way, I’m not taking about actively doing something or thinking about it but if it happened out of the blue it wouldn’t frighten me. I have never had a fear of death, I fear living and declining into extensive old age a scarier prospect l.

MsWaffle · 14/12/2021 16:15

Yup
I'd be quite happy to be honest

CommonRoom · 14/12/2021 16:21

OP ( and all the others who feel this way ) I really feel for you and my heart goes out to you. You are not alone. I have had those feelings in the past too.

It's really important to know that the feeling of bleakness, and that there is nothing worth living for, is not 'reality.' When you feel this way it seems to be a totally rational response to a shit situation, or feeling like you are shit. It's not reasonable or rational though, it's a distortion. You are not shit. Your life is not shit. You are depressed.

Whatever situation you are in right now, it will certainly change. There are also other things you can do, like take anti depressants or have counselling. Please hang on in there. Especially if your depression is related to feeling like a drudge. If you are caring for people this will change and you may well look back on this period and feel really proud of yourself that you did that for someone and you got through it.

There are a billion things in the world worth living for. There really, really are. And before too long you will remember that, and feel that. Just hold on tight.

ImmutableSexQueen · 14/12/2021 16:28

@ftw163532

I'm not worthwhile.
Standing with you.
grapewine · 14/12/2021 16:50

There are a billion things in the world worth living for. There really, really are. And before too long you will remember that, and feel that. Just hold on tight.

It's a nice thought. Constant chronic pain and decreasing mobility means that I can't really take advantage of it. Once I become too much of a burden to people around me, I'll make my decision.

lisaandalan · 14/12/2021 16:58

I think you think you would be okay with this but if it actually happened you would be upset if you could look down from heaven and not get back.
However sad you are feeling there is always light and the end of the tunnel and something to be thankful for, please find some help, death is not the answer. X

bellalou1234 · 14/12/2021 16:59

Yes I do

bellalou1234 · 14/12/2021 17:08

Yes

witsendeverytime · 14/12/2021 17:14

No way. I'd be horrified at how my children would cope - their father passed away when they were little and we have no close family near by. It would change their lives in a catastrophic way - sure they'd survive and grow etc, but the loss and it's affect cannot be downplayed.
So it doesn't matter how I feel (not that id want to - way too much living to do still), but if the thought ever crossed my mind all I'd have to do is think of them.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 14/12/2021 17:16

Not at the moment but I definitely have days like that. It's the fact that my daughter would wake up an orphan that keeps me going.

Servalan · 14/12/2021 17:26

Yes, I've been feeling like that a lot recently - though not so much over the last couple of weeks - which shows that things do shift.

I've had patches of feeling like I couldn't go on in the past too and always got past them.

When things are hard it can be impossible to see the big picture. I was very tempted to take an overdose a couple of weeks ago but rang the Samaritans and talking it through helped a lot.

I'm sorry that you and others on this thread are struggling too. xx

heidbuttsupper · 14/12/2021 17:38

Yes 100%. I've always felt like this

FlipFlops4Me · 14/12/2021 17:43

Yes. In a heartbeat if there was just me.

Sadly there's my now very disabled DH, and two dear little dogs (who keep me going) to care for so I have to say no, I need to be here for as long as the last of the three keeps going.

I can't face the thought of DH going into care, and I promised my dogs they'd be with me all their lives......

And I have a boss who depends on me at the moment (although I'm teaching my replacement) and I can't retire for 12 months.

But sometimes I just think about how easy it would be to just let it all slide away.

UserName404 · 14/12/2021 17:51

Yes, been wishing for this for about 15 years.

whatdoidonow11 · 14/12/2021 19:50

Yes.

Bagelsandbrie · 14/12/2021 19:54

I wouldn’t want to leave my children as they need me but as I’ve got older and seen people die from horrible things I’d be happy to pop off painlessly in my sleep.