I don't want to be alive. There is a way I could kill myself that could probably pass as an accident. I have a young daughter. I don't want her to ever know I killed myself deliberately. I know my death would hurt her terribly anyway, but I know suicide would bring so many other difficult feelings for her. She's only four so she wouldn't remember me. Hopefully her dad would eventually find someone else to love and maybe my daughter would come to think of her as Mummy. Not Mama. It breaks my heart when I think of her calling someone else Mama. I am her Mama. But I am broken and so weary. I don't want to exist like this. I'm seeing my counsellor in a short while. What will she do if I tell her I'm suicidal? I don't want to go to A&E. It won't help. They will just make me sit around for a few hours and then send me home.