"Everything you've just said made you sound like a stroppy teenager" said my psychotherapist today

[becarefulouttheretoday]

No, I wasn't turning blue and sqeaming and sqeaming unti l got some bubble gum.

I spent ten minutes today opening up to my therapist about my difficult relationship with both of my parents, their constant criticism of me (especially my mother) and how I have reached my point of tolerance with their manipulation and bullying.

Would you expect a therapist to say this? Honestly? Think it, maybe, but say it out loud? I thought therapy was supposed to be non judgemental.

He's the same age as my parents, by the way, if that makes a difference.

Bloody hell. I wouldn't be happy about that. Does this therapist always take a tough love sort of approach?

Wow. Time for a new therapist!!!

um.... do you want honest replies or just ppl to agree with your affronted reaction?

He shouldnt be a therapist. Hes in the wrong job.

The context, if it helps is that these are the same people who denied that I was being sexually abused as a child which allowed it to continue.

So. Tell them 'when you say that I feel...'
What? Like walking out? Afraid? Angry? Amazed they had the balls to say it?

Engage. That's what you're there for.

The only angle it could be okay is to be curious about the process - it’s not uncommon to revert to child mode around parents. Is this a new therapist? Was he being critical or curious?

@DeliaDinglehopper

The only angle it could be okay is to be curious about the process - it’s not uncommon to revert to child mode around parents. Is this a new therapist? Was he being critical or curious?

Critical.

He seemed angry with me.

I dunno. I think my therapist told me some honest home truths and I was pissed off at the time, but actually did learn from it. I did tend to regress to a teenagey sort of manner when speaking about my parents, and it was useful for me to know that in order to examine and move past it

Also, Mumsnet is probably not the best place to ask. A snippet of therapy out of context can easily sound wrong. I agree with PP - engage. There’s so much healing to be had here, even if it’s eventually tell him to eff off!

Sometimes we need to hear these things. Hopefully it makes you reflect and helps you move forward. Therapists aren’t there to take your side or agree with everything you say.

@PermanentTemporary

So. Tell them 'when you say that I feel...' What? Like walking out? Afraid? Angry? Amazed they had the balls to say it?

Engage. That's what you're there for.

None of the above. Attacked by an angry man whose time I'm paying for.

Wtf?

Get rid of him! That’s appalling.

Did you share that with him? That he seemed angry? Was it the kind of reaction you would have expected from your parents? I’d definitely tell him how you experienced his response.
Has he been critical before?

Therapy from a person centred, integrative or pluralistic approach is meant to be non-judgmental, you can of course change therapists - if its private therapy, bit more tricky on the NHS.

@DeliaDinglehopper

Did you share that with him? That he seemed angry? Was it the kind of reaction you would have expected from your parents? I’d definitely tell him how you experienced his response. Has he been critical before?

We don't have an equal relationship wherein I can give him feedback. I came to him because I was crippled with depression and CPTSD. He's the boss in the relationship and he knows it.

And you can of course complain to the BACP/NCS or whoever his governing body is.

@Essexmum321

And you can of course complain to the BACP/NCS or whoever his governing body is.

Thank you it's UKCP and he's private. I'm paying (a lot) for this.

Well there’s certainly something unhealthy going on in the dynamic there.

He seems very invested in me forgiving them for not protecting me from abuse, but I'm fairly sure my parents knew about it and they scare the shit out of me. I don't know why he's so invested in telling me I'm the bad guy and trying to reunite me with them when I'm finally learning to separate out all the different things that went on.

One way or another he sounds like he's not the right therapist for you, although we don't have all the context. I think someone very much has the right to be upset if their parents didn't believe them about sexual abuse. Maybe he was trying to get some sort of point across but clearly it's not in a way that helps you so you need to be talking to someone else.

Do not go back, that’s damaging. Horribly unprofessional.

Just seen your post above mine and you really shouldn't have to forgive them, or certainly shouldn't be made to feel you have to.

He keeps saying he's a humanist and he believes that everyone is a good person deep down they just have wounds that make them behave a certain way and it's all about how really I'm in the wrong for not being ok with all the damage done to me because look, your parents really couldn't help it.

I thought therapy was supposed to be about me and my experiences not sacrificing myself for someone else's wellbeing which I have done my entire life and is the reason I am now clinically depressed.

Ugh he sounds unhinged and creepy.

Do not return.