Parents and carers of anxious kids/teens(part5)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi guys
Just spotted we have filled another thread!
I started part 1 during the journey with my sons escalating anxiety
This thread is a non judgemental place to support each other
As parents and carers we recognise how hard,stressful,and often lonely,this unseen battle can be.others dismissing small wins as the norm for most etc
Please feel free to offload here,share your small wins,take the support and comfort this thread brings

Anne lots of good advice.

I'm going to be brutally honest here always. DS is 8, if you wanted him to have the medication it shouldn't have been optional. Put it in a syringe and slowly syringe it between his lower back molars and cheek, that way he can't spit it out. Alternatively, tablet form may be easier. He also needed to have it earlier in the night. By midnight he will already be exhausted.

Sorry to hear it was another bad night @alwaysscared.
Almost cross posted with leap in that we always administer medicine with a syringe. As I posted yesterday, phenergan can take up to two hours to take effect….

Very good points from zoo upthread. I worry that your ds is constantly on high alert. It may be a good idea to not give him any choices for anything for a while. Take complete control so that he can relax. It’s hard but I know from experience that it can be a game changer.

Do you think he would wear thumbsies? These fit onto the hands to protect the thumb (usually for thumb sucking but work for skin pickers too).

Agree with @AnneOfAvonlea keep phoning the crisis team. Sorry if I keep banging on about this!

I’m sure this book will have already been mentioned on here before I joined but I would absolutely recommend it if you get chance @alwaysscared. It really helped me. I was enabling ds’ anxiety and I didn’t realise it until I read it.

www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Anxious-Child-Step-step/dp/1572245751/ref=asc_df_1572245751_nodl/?hvlocphy=1007266&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310856639426&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-433942052361&hvrand=15872559715499309031

Thanks for all the advice and thinking of us. I wouldn't feel comfortable forcing my child to have medication unless it was something that was essential, like antibiotics etc
We are probably too soft on him and I think that's part of the problem to be honest
We are all exhausted and trying to crawl through every day

always I work in Early Years education, and have spent many years talking to parents about boundaries! It is not about being soft or hard on him - you might find it helpful to think about boundaries not as you forcing your will/opinion on him, but as you providing a physical and emotional space where he knows he is safe.

Decision making is absolutely exhausting for small children (for adults too...). If children feel that they are responsible for making all the decisions in their lives, they get overwhelmed, and it can make them feel very anxious. This doesn't mean that we should take away their autonomy, and it doesn't mean that we should force or manhandle them into distressing situations. But it does mean that we, as adults, explicitly take responsibility for certain things.

So with the medication, for example, you might want to say to DS something along the lines of 'your brain is really struggling at the moment because it hasn't had enough rest. You need to get a good night's sleep, and this medicine will make sure that you can do that. I know that you're worried about it tasting nasty, so I'm going to squirt the medicine straight into the back of your mouth so you can't taste it, and here is [something delicious] to make sure that you can't taste it afterwards. Ready? 1, 2, 3 [do whatever needs to be done to get it into him]. Done! Amazing. Here's your xxx.

His feelings are acknowledged, but he doesn't have to make a decision about and take responsibility for making himself do something that he doesn't want to.

Hope that makes some kind of sense!

Anne don't feel sad to be a wise one,feel empowered to share from your experience 💖where would any of us be without leap experiences to guide us with EHCP,and when the LA are fobbing us off?
Where we would be as individuals without the support of each other?

Ds coped very well with his birthday yesterday let his cousins come round for a few hours and had some McDonald’s chips.

Paying for it today as I expected so he is hiding away on his iPad. Hoping he gets enough regulation today so school isn’t a problem tomorrow

sirzy glad he felt able to celebrate with others
Nothing wrong needing(and anticipating time out )today
Keeping everything crossed for you that's enough to recalibrate for week ahead
Dd2 and D's extra anxious today.ds2 only friend left Thursday and it caused final nail in coffin meltdown,so she WFH Friday and battled thru loads work to bring most up to date.shes anxious managing alone tom tho
DS stressed about impending transport
I'd expected it to be lil zoo circling the sun tbh as she's having covid jab at school tom and she's not good with uncertain plans,but currently she's busy editing and has been happily eating reasonably well by her standards today!

Just catching up with the new thread. Such a shame so many of our DC struggling with school. We’ve actually had a good few months, no school refusal at all and DD very happy…..hopefully this continues. She sees a child psychologist every 2 weeks and is slowly opening up. @alwaysscared I think I maybe mentioned this before so apologies if I’m repeating myself. My DD had a crisis last summer and we got no help from GP or CAMHS. I went private and DD was prescribed medication. You can arrange a consultation with a child psychiatrist via secure video call and they may not even need to speak to DS, all our daughter had to do was say hello. I completely understand that it is expensive but if you can find the cash I would do it, it helped our DD massively and I know we are so lucky to have been in that position. If you want any more information please DM me.

@Roxie55 yes we are thinking medication now. Can I ask, did your DD have any side effects?

Hello everyone, I've just stumbled upon this thread, may I join you?

Dd(11) is really struggling right now with health anxiety and emetophobia. It's been a slow burner and DH and I hadn't even realised there was a problem until the summer (she had had problems with sleeping in the past, but we didn't realise there was more behind it).

Anyway a few pennies dropped and we got a private referral to a clinical psychologist via a sympathetic GP (he said that she definitely needed support but that she could be waiting two years for CAHMS).

DD has had five sessions now (she started in September) but is feeling worse rather than better. Unfortunately we all had covid over half term and a combination of anxiety over that and the isolation has sent her into a downward spiral so quickly it is terrifying. Today was the first day I just couldn't get her in to school - the anxiety makes her feel sick, which triggers the emetophobia, which escalates the anxiety, and I have no idea how to break the cycle. Her psychologist has started some cbt and mindfulness techniques but she doesn't seem able to apply them yet and if anything it makes her more panicky.

Sorry that is a bit of a ramble.

@alwaysscared she started on fluoxetine at 10mg liquid and initially her anxiety increased, I would say for a period of about 24 hours, then it started to have an effect. She deteriorated again around Christmas and fluoxetine was increased but it heightened her anxiety and she was switched to sertraline (following a further diagnosis) and has had no negative side effects. She still has periods of real anxiety but nowhere near as bad as when in crisis. She absolutely needed the medication, of that I am in no doubt. It has improved her quality of life. We found a child psychiatrist through Psychiatry UK and she is incredibly thorough and professional.

cheeseismydownfall welcome
The logical part of the brain is the first part that stops working when highly stressed which us why she's struggling to apply techniques she's learning.some DC respond to quick grounding to help bring logic in.every child us different but I know in my quest to support D's we were initially given a lot if advicewith lavender,rosemary,ginger and lemon being used by some.heat or coldworks for some.
The trick is in time will learn to be able to engage the slow breathing that calms the parasympathetic nervous system even during panic.this does,however,take time

So a quick introduction.im zoo.i have 3dc at home still and I started this thread as my D's started having horrific meltdown panics screaming and clutching his chest,heart racing.fast forward 18 months and at 15 was diagnosed autistic after occupational therapist query an assessment,and a EHCP was given.during that time school was awful.he was given a Sen school last sept but as in another county he only did it online.we are now working towards a new setting 45 minutes away(I don't drive and transport is taking a while to sort

My girls have some anxiety too,although younger one doesn't accept has anxiety,believing hers to be a physical thing only

This thread is no judgement and we can offload,appreciate each others small wins (and sometimes nudge each other with reminders we matter too.you need be looking after yourself also as it can be exhausting!)

Would you like to tell us a bit about yourselves?do you have other DC?much RL support?

Welcome Cheese, although I am sorry you have a need to join us. Five sessions is still very early days. DS1 struggles to generalise strategies in day to day situations. He often needs prompting as well, he doesn't see the point as he believes everything is pointless, see above about him being a catastrophizer.

Sirzy I hope yesterday was enough decompression time to manage school today.

Zoo the LA are stringing you along, we are more than half a term in now. Complain to the Director of Children's Services. If that doesn't work contact SENTAS, a charity that specifically helps with transport problems. When LAs unlawfully fail to organise transport Judicial Review is also possible.

Hi @cheeseismydownfall, welcome please don’t think you’re rambling or worry about anything you post on here. Everyone is so lovely and supportive.
Hope everyone is ok. Today has been a hard day for us. Just really challenging and we’re all shattered. Just another Manic Monday as the Bangles sang…..

zoo, leap, mummy, thank you so much for your welcome. I'm really glad I found this thread. I'm a bit wrung out after a difficult day but I'll be back tomorrow to share a bit more about our story and read through the thread properly. Thank you again, hope everyone has a restful night.

leap there are a number of families

Just catching up on the thread, welcome to newbies, pleased you found this thread I have found it to be so informative and supportive
i'm sorry so many are struggling
@alwaysscared-how are you doing? I hope the past few days have easier
@roxie55, so lovely to hear your positive news
@ElftonWednesday- in our area we can self refer for an autism diagnosis but the waiting list is long,your GP or school,should be able to point you in the right direction. As the wait was so long we went private in the end but it is expensive .
Interesting what you say about your other dcs ,i also suspected my older dcs may have autism but never suspected my youngest might have it until school suggested it when she refused to go to school.

Welcome cheese

Always - my dd takes melatonin and sertraline. She has done sertraline, took herself off it, fluoxetine had side effects, then back on sertraline. It really helps reduce despair and crippling anxiety for us

Ds managed ok at school yesterday thankfully.

He seems to have fallen into a 6-7 hours of solid sleep routine which would be great if it wasn’t for rhe fact that means 4am is a lie in! He isn’t happy with the no x box until 6am rule.

We have camhs today. Third session with his new case worker who so far seems very good she knows it’s going to be a long process and that for now the key is actually making him like her!

sirzy good positive steps
Stand firm with no X box til semi civilized hours!!(D's has limited time on his or would be on it all day when there's no school to attend,and into the night ,but I find increases his agitation and anxiety if doesn't do anything else!)

@Runnerduck34 it's been bloody awful
Docs have referred for urgent paeds so hopefully we will get some sort of help

Sirzy good luck today. With DS1 if he decides he doesn't like someone there's no changing his mind.

Runner I didn't spot DS3's ASD despite DD2 already being diagnosed. It was DS1's CAMHS team who raised it.

DS1 takes Mirtazapine and Risperidone. They have reduced the big swings from high to low and back again, but haven't enabled him to access EMDR, which is disappointing.

Yes x box rules need to apply or we wouldn’t have any sleep!

Appointment went well, he wanted to paint so they sat painting and chatting in a “get to know you” way so he didn’t realise what was happening. His painting all in black except for the brain that was red as that’s his anxiety colour was telling too.

I am actually confident we may get somewhere with her. Unlike the dr there who DS refuses to interact with. After saying 3 months ago he was too anxious for therapy (I had to push) she now wants to take him off the setraline when we go next in January. Now that may be a wonderful goal long term but 3 or 4 play therapy sessions isn’t going to get him to a point where that can be on the table!