Parents and carers of anxious kids/teens(part5)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi guys
Just spotted we have filled another thread!
I started part 1 during the journey with my sons escalating anxiety
This thread is a non judgemental place to support each other
As parents and carers we recognise how hard,stressful,and often lonely,this unseen battle can be.others dismissing small wins as the norm for most etc
Please feel free to offload here,share your small wins,take the support and comfort this thread brings

Hello all, I´m pleased to hear some of you are making progress and your young people seem to be turning corners. Sorry for the radio silence! Just popped back for those who are interested. We were turned down for place at Swalcliffe park on the basis of demand avoidance profile, although I think the LA would have been happy to fund. Tribunal date got pushed back from July to October. Fired the lawyer as we thought she was slowing things down and the LA were starting to cooperate. Tribunal is still ongoing/live though. DS has had a good few weeks where he has been able to open up about what he didn´t like about his previous school. He still wants to go to a mainstream school, but the additional COVID measures made it unbearable at the time. In discussing what he would like to do (code for what would get him out of bed in the mornings!!), and in a complete about-face about special schools, I suggested a technical college, our local UTC is specializing in the area that he wishes to work in and is passionate about. We went for a visit and he absolutely loved it! SENCo was kind and positive. To cut a very long story short we have been able to get his EHCP amended with updated SALT, OT, Ed Psych, Social care and with what DS wants (finally) and name the UTC where he will start in September year 10. Going to induction/transition day next week. He is sooooo excited but having missed a whole academic year (year 9) I guess we still worry whether he will cope. The school seem really supportive so time will tell. Social services have provided a lovely youth worker who is also working with us as a family until December, so fingers crossed it will all go smoothly! Thanks for all your good wishes and good luck to you over the summer. We will definitely be working hard with the professionals to get him into school when the gates open in September 😌

This is a great thread. Unfortunately I get more and more children and older teens being referred to me every day. As parents it can be extremely difficult to watch our kids struggle. Anxiety is increasing post-lockdown and unfortunately the schools, CAMHS and many therapists are overrun.

Hello @MackenCheese
So lovely to hear your update. Pleased DS has found a school he loves and wants to attend.
Hope he enjoys the taster week next week. it's natural to be apprehensive after everything you've been through but it's good you have support in place. I so hope it works out for him. Good luck!

mackencheesethat's fab news lovely.hope he enjoys the tasters

Amazing news @MacknCheese.
I'm so glad there's some positive feedback from other posters as well.
@Zoo I hope things are starting to pick up a little 🤞

I haven't posted for a while and this thread has fallen off the list of topics I'm on. So I thought I'd better rectify the situation.

Ds2 has finished his Gcse's.
I'm very proud of him for revising hard & not missing a single exam. He has to get 9's in his A level subjects to stay in his school. So we shall see ... He wants to do Sciences or Maths for A level.

We saw the psychiatrist the other day for the first time in months. A long standing deep seated issue came up, that's been playing on DS's mind. I'm not happy doing what DS wants me to. So he self harmed for the first time in about 10 months. I caught him doing it & he was really shocked, as he cut himself too deeply. He collapsed & said he couldn't feel his legs & I was really worried that he'd taken something. However he was fine later on.

The antidepressant he's on needs to be changed. So we're currently halving the dose with the aim of stopping it totally.
It's the best time to do it without any pressure. If necessary I have a prescription for fluoxetine if needed after a few days on no meds.
But obviously it's a pretty vulnerable time for him.
The rest of my family has gone overseas. Ds doesn't want to travel & so I'm stuck here with him. It will be worth it though if I can get him back to his normal self.

Thanks @Runnerduck34 and @Stilllivinginazoo we will just have to hope and pray that it goes well. I expect bumps in the road (ds and I have just had a big argument about him turning off the TV when I am watching it for example) . The anxiety and need for control is always there, sigh! Will keep you posted and I will be thinking of you especially @Cantonet that your son continues to get better. It sounds like he has done really well in the circumstances.

Great to hear from you @Cantonet , amazing DS managed all his GCSEs , fingers crossed he gets the results he wants, 9s are an almost impossibly high bench mark for any child let alone one who has been ill.
Maybe after cutting he got a bit scared, and that may not be a bad thing?
Im sorry you havent been able to get away with the rest of your family, as you say it will hopefully pay off but its doesnt make it easy, you need a holiday too. Hope change in medication goes smoothly, DD had a change of medication in January and it went better than I thought but we did remove all pressure/expectations
@MackenCheese the TV thing would really annoy me too! why did he do it? I hope that because DS likes the school and it specialises in subjects that interest him , plus the school is his choice it will motivate him to go especially If the school give him the support.

"the TV thing would really annoy me too! why did he do it?". Your guess is as good as mine. It has happened in the past and it is a real button push for me. It didn´t help that I had just come home from 3 hours on the motorway today and I was tired. I just wanted to veg out and catch up on Love Island (I know.... its rubbish) and DS decided he wanted to watch the British Grand Prix - after I had turned on the TV. So I reckon I had first dibs and he had absolutely no right to switch channel under my nose. I would not let him get away with it ; I did get a bit horrible and told him its my TV that I paid for I will jolly well watch what I want (and I would say I let him get away with lots as it is). This is one thing he should know by now not to mess with me!

@Cantonet so good to hear an update from you.im sorry D's is having some difficulties at the moment,but finishing his exams ...wow that's a great achievement.straight 9s is very harsh benchmark,I wonder why it's so high?(most schools need 6 pass grades where I live)
@MackenCheese I'd have flipped my lid one of mine turned TV over too!

Twirl hope you continue to get some sleep and night and the respire for D's has/will soon go ahead.how you doing?

MackenCheese the TV issue sounds like your Ds is demanding attention.So he's going to do it by annoying you. Especially if you had been out all day.

@Zoo Ds is at a selective school, so that's actually a lower offer than normal.
He was pretty much heading for 9's before this. Who knows how he's done this summer though. Especially in the morning exams when he was half asleep.

Thank you for your kind thoughts @MackenCheese & @Runnerduck34 .
Yes, I'm hoping the fact he was so shocked after he cut himself, that it might help thwart any further incidences. His school have been fairly tolerant so far. He's been going in late every day & missing the early lessons, as he has major problems getting to sleep. Although he was working until later in the library most days.

Mackencheese I hope the UTC works, especially as it has captured his interest. In case the UTC doesn’t go to plan, Swalcliffe is a non-maintained special school so you don’t need them to offer a place, the LA can name them even if the school say no. And, you can appeal for a place without the offer of a place.

Cantonet DS2 did amazing to sit all his GCSEs, I hope his effort is rewarded and the change in antidepressants helps.


DH took DS1 to hospital this morning as I hurt my arm yesterday and can’t drive. I think I’m going to have to get it looked at. The new sleep medication seems to be helping. It isn’t a magic wand but he has been going to sleep better than he was and has slept for at least 2 straight hours most nights which is a big deal as he was constantly waking previously.

That's so helpful @1twirlforward2back . Yes, SPS are quite selective on who they will take and they want compliant boys who will not disrupt (for want of a better word) the current cohort of boys they have. The school shouldn´t be doing this, but that is the reality. We decided to take the view that given our recent family breakdown (DH and I splitting) it would be additional trauma to send DS boarding as well. Especially as it was not his choice. The UTC is his choice, so the chances of success we feel are marginally higher.

Mackencheese SPS like people to think they are wholly independent, but they aren’t. There’s another poster on MN whose DC’s place there was nearly scuppered recently by that as they (and their barrister) didn’t realise it wasn’t wholly independent. They also told me a well known education solicitor told another parent it was wholly independent - very worrying. Hopefully it won’t be a problem anyway and the UTC will work out.

DH text me DS1 coped brilliantly at the hospital today until this evening when the wheels have fallen off and he is very upset and anxious. Feeling bad I couldn’t take him but there’s no way I can drive at the moment as I can’t move my shoulder or upper arm at all without significant pain.

Twirl- I hope your arm is better soon, sounds very painful and frustrating.
Hope DS is OK, hospitals make most people feel anxious ,even if they don't suffer from anxiety! Try not to feel bad you couldn't take him I'm sure DH can cope and DS is in safe hands. you can always chat or video call. I hope he is ok and home soon.

twirl how long is D's going to be in hospital?
You should get medical advice for your shoulder/arm especially as you are relied on so heavily by others.its easy to put ourselves at end of to do list but you need to look after yourself💐
Any improvement in sleep patterns is a win.ds is terrible at mo at settling.dd2 has taken to sleeping on me..she's taller and weighs almost twice as much as me so it's quite painful depending how she lies....

A very kind neighbour dropped me at minor injuries this morning and I had dislocated my shoulder. It’s now back in the right place and I have a sling, some pain relief, and a referral for physio. Zoo you are right, it is easy to brush things off when there’s other things to do/focus on. I perhaps should have gone on Sunday.

DS1 will be in hospital up to 2 weeks, but we are hoping less than that and we are allowed to finish the IVs at home. I had hoped he would only be in 1 night but the team want him to stay a second night much to DS1’s disgust. I have spoken to DS1 via text and on the phone, he can’t do video calls. Rationally I know DS1 will be absolutely fine with DH and the medical staff know him well, but I also know he would prefer me.

Gosh @Twirl poor you.
That must have been so painful. I'm glad it's sorted now. Your Ds sounds very safe with your DH looking after him.
Here's hoping that he doesn't need to stay in for so long.

Poor @Zoo you must be literally crushed.
Your DD must really need the comfort & reassurance of you lying next to her.

Gosh, sorry to hear about your shoulder @1twirlforward2back that must have been agony. I hope and pray that your DS won´t be in hospital too long. Of course he would prefer you to be there, but at least he is somewhere safe and you need to heal now. Take care.

Wishing you a speedy recovery Twirl, look after yourself

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Pain relief, and are helping. The pain eased somewhat once it was back in place.

No wonder you were in pain Twirl! hopefully now it's back in place you will start to feel better. Get well soon.
I hope DS isn't in hospital too long, I expect you want to be there for him it's very hard as a mum to step step back.

Zoo,goodness knows how you get to sleep like that ! is there anyway DD will sleep in a different way / position but still be close to you? you need your sleep too and you can't run on empty, plus physically it can't be good for you sleeping like that. Take care of yourself, I hope you get a better night's sleep tonight

Thank you Runner, it is the stepping back that I find hard. It is 11pm, I have the bed to myself, DS1 isn’t here to wake me up or wrap himself around me, I have had pain relief so why I am still awake?

Threads full.part 6 up in MH section.
"See you" over there.xx