Parents and carers of anxious kids/teens(part5)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi guys
Just spotted we have filled another thread!
I started part 1 during the journey with my sons escalating anxiety
This thread is a non judgemental place to support each other
As parents and carers we recognise how hard,stressful,and often lonely,this unseen battle can be.others dismissing small wins as the norm for most etc
Please feel free to offload here,share your small wins,take the support and comfort this thread brings

Merry Christmas.

I think it’s going to be a very quiet one here Ds is finding it all hard this year.

Have a lovely day everyone

PS. Sorry for being AWOL. I’m unfortunately still not well 🙄 I’m on a second course of antibiotics. How run down can one girl be?! But I have been thinking of you guys.

starry good to hear from you and there are positives to share

This is a reminder to all of us that for anxious DC Xmas can be a lovely distraction.it can also be an added "pressure" to conform,to not "ruin everyone else's fun" and overwhelming as routines are out the window
However you all spend today we are not living a hall mark movie Christmas and if there's more tears than joy it's ok
Christmas is 24 hours and if it's taken in managing a few minutes at a time that's just as ok and valid as anything you see on social media
Try and get a couple of minutes to yourselves (if you can)
Sending love and peace from chez zoo.xxx

Merry Christmas everyone, hope you all have a peaceful and relaxing day.

DD has done really well,has been downstairs lots, didn't get dressed and had noodles rather than Xmas Dinner but who cares she been downstairs spent time with us😀

Merry Christmas you lovely people. Thinking of you and wishing all the very best.

viking

Happy Christmas all ⛄🎄☃️.
Thank you for being such a supportive. kind & informative thread ❣️

Merry Christmas all

runner noodles is ok and yet for spending time together!
Viking how lovely to hear from you.how are you and the boys?

How's everyone doing?
Lil zoo refused anything to do with xmas dinner and I knew dd2 would want comfort foods so wraps it was for lunch and I'm totally fine with it as everyone ate something!
They did gifts to each other Xmas Eveand boxing day teams meet with dd1 to open her gifts so was spread over 3 days
Lil zoo was annoyed about not getting ll clothes asked for(some were a sizing problem ) and when dad offered boxing day to help her chose more with Amazon voucher she had from his sister she overwhelm in less 30 minutes as no idea how to find the very specific look she's after she can't even articulate
Lots panic attacks by teatime for dd2 as "holdingin" anxiety (cue walks around the block incold/wet/Dark with me and splashing face cold water)
DS did ok,but very tired and kept asking what was coming next
Other than that all good here

Hi all, merry Christmas, and hope you all managed to find some joy/peace/goodwill, even if it looked different to the versions on the telly.

We have been at my parents' for 3 days, which is a huge thing for DD. She has managed really well - Christmas eve she sat looking at family pics for a couple of hours after eating dinner together (no pressure to be social - her choice entirely). She managed to help prepare Christmas dinner, eat it, and do a couple of hours of pressie opening too.

Crashed on Boxing Day (unsurprisingly), but managed it ok. We had a lovely chat last night, which doesn't happen that often (and when it does it is ALWAYS when I am on my way to bed and desperately want to sleep!). She apologised for being 'a pain', which was heartbreaking.

Next steps are to find a psychologist she can work with (she wants to talk about thoughts, not feelings), and to pursue a possible ADD inattentive diagnosis. I found a great twitter thread about ADD, where it is described as 'bees in my fucking head', which DD really relates to. But not sure it will be an easy process - she has some kind of genius level IQ according to school testing, an eidetic memory, and an incredibly lovely group of friends who used to help her do her homework on the bus, so she doesn't show issues in school work; and she doesn't do anything independently, so it's hard to demonstrate her complete lack of executive function...

We had a lovely calm Christmas period.
Just us, as our usual big family meet up was cancelled for the second year running because of Covid fears and our very elderly parents.

Ds2 has been reasonable but a little irritable. He's been usurped from his big bedroom & bed by DD1. He is coming down for dinner every day but not joining in with the daily Monopoly and PubG ( sp?) With the other 3. He rather grumpily demanded that DD2 bleach the ends of his hair the other day at midnight. Which she did kindly.

@Bubbles ds2 & ds1 have both been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD here and are on medication. It helps reduce his anxiety & depression in ds2 case. Ds2 is very bright but loses everything.
Dd2 is being assessed in the New Year.
I think it's far more subtle and harder to diagnose in girls as they generally try to please teachers, whereas boys are happy to send work in incomplete & late.

Zoo it’s nice to read that overall things went well in the Zoo household. Things are difficult here, and to be honest I couldn’t bring myself to post about it. I wouldn’t know where to start! Hopefully the New Year will bring better things.

Fferny - how did you get the inattentive diagnosis? I asked DD if it would be helpful if she could concentrate on one thing at a time, and her 'OMG yes!!!' was quite telling...

Viking - sorry to hear you have had a rough time over Christmas. Fingers crossed for the new year...

Bubbles- Bees in head sounds like a description of inside my head, honestly when you have DC with MH problems it makes you reassess everything within your family that we see as normal.
Glad you you had a good xmas wishing you luck with finding psychologist.

Sorry things have been difficult viking, I hope 2022 is a better year for us all.

Hope lilzoo found some clothes she liked zoo, so much expectation is hard to live up to, sounds in balance you had a good Xmas.

DD also crashed after Xmas day, retreating to her room , managed to come ice skating with us monday but that was touch and go.
Psychiatrist is changing her medication so Im anxious about the next couple of months, 2 weeks of reducing her current medication, 5 days no medication then 3 weeks of slowly building up new medication that will take up to 8 weeks to settle and really kick in.
I know it's necessary but I'm not looking forward to it, hopefully it won't be as bad as I fear.

DS school sent email of return date and lft prior to that.no word of what part time will be.im not impressed
He's not sleeping til after 1am fretting and can't get any sense out of him most of the time for be in a tizz and not able to concentrate..

Bubbles , Runner, Zoo - thank you .

DS1 is anxious, depressed, frustrated, you name it. He refuses help as he is now legally an adult and wants to make his own decisions. He would benefit so much from medication and therapy but he is against it.
DS2 is seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks for an updated assessment. He's been really good during Christmas break. He usually enjoys school but gets easily frustrated to the point of needing a school safety plan. Puberty has added an interesting layer to this mix.

Viking puberty adds an interesting layer to the mix well that's one way to describe it I guess!!D's gets angry now,very angry and frustrated and then very upset with himself afterwards..

Zoo that sounds really hard, DD needs certainty too and would react in a similar way to your DS school staff should have anticipated this as its totally predictable and could have been avoided. Let teachers know the impact of uncertainty on DS and knock on effect on the whole family. If you can take charge and agree with DS when he will go into school on first day until you can talk to teachers.

Viking, that made me smile something of an understatement re: puberty!
It's so very difficult when they reach 18 and are legally an adult but still don't have maturity to make rationale choices, we had similar with oldest DD when she had anorexia.
No easy answer. If DS is agreeable then he can give permission for you to talk to GP /medical staff on his behalf but of course he may not want this.

@Bubbles the Psychiatrist thought ADHD was worth testing for after questioning ds2's depression. It started during lockdown when he felt he wasn't coping so well online academically.
The diagnosis was a total surprise for me, as he is at a very academic school and seemed to be fine before this.

Then it became obvious that ds1 needed to be assessed. He was already diagnosed as being dyslexic but came out as a moderate to severe ADHD.

Now dd2 is being assessed. But it may be more difficult to obtain a teachers corroboration in her case. As she has new teachers this year apart from in Art - which she's very good at...

All of these are private assessments. But ds2 is the only one with depression now.

Dd2 got very depressed over lockdown this year ( SAD) as full time lessons & only 20 mins. Lunch break meant she never got any sunlight. But she recovered rapidly once back at school.

Happy new year everyone
May health,happiness and kindness weave its way through the year

How's everyone doing?
How are we feeling as back to school approaches?

Viking it is good to ‘see’ you. I am sorry things haven’t become easier.

Currently all is quiet here. DH, DS1 and DS3 are building Lego separately in the living room, DS2 is on the Xbox in the playroom and DD2 has taken over the kitchen. Unlike last night when DS1 was a wreck with the fireworks, we nearly had to give him some Lorazepam we have for emergencies.

Bubbles have you heard if the LA are going to assess yet? If/when DD is assessed by an EP it should include cognitive testing. This can often show a spiky profile. DD2, DS1 and DS3 all have spiky profiles. For example, DS3 has a high IQ, non-verbal reasoning skills on the 99th centile, but significant working memory difficulties (3rd centile) that were masked by his excellent long term memory. Have you looked at something like Brain in Hand? Some teens and young people with executive functioning difficulties find similar support helpful.

leap fireworks have been randomly going off here for 3 days now.ds is very unhappy about it.some huge sudden bangs last night even upset our cats causing one to jump awake off the back of the sofa.i so wish there were better restrictions on the sale to the general public of the damn things!

Happy New Year everyone. We're enjoying having DD1 home from university for the holidays and DD2 has managed quite a bit if time with us playing board games and the interaction has sometimes been initiated by her! She managed to spend most of Christmas Day with us too including having lunch downstairs.

meddling that sounds wonderful 🥰

Yes Zoo every bit of family time is a lovely bonus as well as enjoying small shared moments. DD2's Sertraline was increased a few weeks ago so could be a factor plus she seems to have decided she wants to move forward - she's decided she's had enough of education and the negative feelings associated with school apparently. In reality she needs some qualifications and for next steps to be carefully managed. It's going to be a balancing act nurturing her confidence and encouraging her to progress with small positive steps while managing her expectations.

Muddling so glad you had some positive times at Christmas.
Leap and zoo- sorry about the fireworks - our DD is fine with them but some of the dogs aren't! We are lucky to live pretty rurally, so we don't suffer as badly. Just a few at midnight, and they were a little way off.
Leap - no word from the LA yet. 6 weeks from submitting the EHCNA application will be the end of this week, so we'll give them a week's grace for Christmas, then I will be starting the threatening emails... I think a cognitive assessment will be really helpful. DD scored very highly in some of the CAT tests, but has never had working memory tested. Brain in Hand looks great - it might be very useful in future when she is doing something other than watching Netflix in bed...