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Mental health

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Original poster

Please help I can't go on

39 replies

strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:24

Is is normal to just sometimes look at your baby and think "life was so much easier before you" and that you made a big mistake? Please don't judge me I'm really really struggling and want to make it all stop.

OP posts:

CrispNeveN · 27/10/2021 16:51

Oh wow lovely he's a charmer isn't he? It does sound like you'll be better off without such a dickhead tbh! What an arse!!!

Are you suffering from PND do you think or are you depressed with something else, were you depressed pre baby? Xx sending you lots and lots of virtual hugs xxx

jupitermars1345 · 27/10/2021 16:52

I'm 4.5 months in with DD2 and I feel exactly the same

I have a 5 year old and it does get easier.
I don't remember when but it does xx

SunshineCake1 · 27/10/2021 16:54

I remember looking at my baby and while he loved him so much I thought my heart would burst, I also had resentment that I had to live for him.

Please get help. The first year is hell. It's all new, your body is knackered and it never stops. If your partner isn't bringing love, support and taking his share then maybe he needs to be your ex.

Katnissx · 27/10/2021 17:05

I had similar feelings after DC2 was born, I spoke to my health visitor who referred me to Vitaminds (you can self refer) and some other services in my area (bluebell care, Pandas) and I also booked an apt and spoke to my GP, she discussed medication which at the time I didn't want to start but also discussed therapies. However after a few weeks I started feeling worse and was suicidal so I called my Dr and decided to try medication, I also was referred to the perimental health team due to risk and they were great with regular calls and coping strategies. My daughter is now 10 months and I am in such a better place, I'm hoping to come off medication soon. Reach out for help, get your partner or a friend to call your GP on your behalf if it feels too hard, and trust me it does get better. It sounds like you're struggling to bond with your little one which is common with postnatal depression. Hope you get the help and support you need. Sending love xxx

SpookyPumpkinPants · 27/10/2021 17:05

(((HUG)))

I think lots of people do feel like that, but just don't talk about it. You probably feel your relationship wouldn't be crumbling if you hadn't had the baby?

I'm so sorry that you don't have any other support. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Can you afford even a half day with a childminder? Or even a teenager to come after school for a few hours just so you can have some time to yourself?

Although you might find it hard breaking up eith your partner, often
It's better when they go because there's no stress, no tension, there's not that horrible feeling of not being supported . You can sort your routine out to suit yourself.

Are you eating/drinking? You need to, even if it's only small bits at a time.

Do you have a neighbour that might be happy to have the baby got an
Hour or so?

If you were my neighbour I'd be more than happy to help.

Look after yourself 💐

Peridot1 · 27/10/2021 17:09

Have you spoken to your gp or health visitor? You may have PND. And that is definitely treatable for most women.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Start with talking to your GP.

Your partner doesn’t sound overly helpful but he may be overwhelmed by it all too. Do you think he would stay around a bit while you get help? Would you want him to?

sleepingrabbits · 27/10/2021 17:24

I think it's pretty normal at any age, worse when they don't sleep through though. But saying that it maybe worth taking some antidepressants to see if they can lift you a bit, do speak with your GP. I wish I had with my first, it was such a massive change to my life, I struggled at times to enjoy it.

Original poster

strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 17:30

Ok so I'm already on antidepressants from GP. It's not helping

OP posts:

Original poster

strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 17:31

@Peridot1

Have you spoken to your gp or health visitor? You may have PND. And that is definitely treatable for most women.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Start with talking to your GP.

Your partner doesn’t sound overly helpful but he may be overwhelmed by it all too. Do you think he would stay around a bit while you get help? Would you want him to?

He makes everything worse, makes out I'm a "nightmare" for having an illness

OP posts:

Original poster

strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 17:33

@CrispNeveN

Oh wow lovely he's a charmer isn't he? It does sound like you'll be better off without such a dickhead tbh! What an arse!!!

Are you suffering from PND do you think or are you depressed with something else, were you depressed pre baby? Xx sending you lots and lots of virtual hugs xxx

Definitely wasn't depressed before baby. He just keeps saying the wrong thing and making it 10x worse

OP posts:

Sleeplessem · 27/10/2021 17:39

It’s definitely common to feel that way and from reading your posts OP, you’ve been through more than most!

You’re not awful, you’re just not being supported and your baby’s father sounds awful.

I’m so sorry you feel like this right now. How is baby’s sleep? Are you get adequate rest? I don’t necessarily mean sleeping through the night but does baby settle? I became severely depressed due to existing on 2 hrs sleep a day and everyone telling me it was normal- it’s not normal nor sustainable. I’ve seen you don’t have much family around is there the option for paying for a little bit of help to get a mental break?

Where are you based? I know there are some volunteer and charity organisations that can provide support. I’ve seen on another thread a mum was really struggling and managed to get support in terms of child care and assistance for her 3 children. I think she went to a and e? Can you spell it out for your HV that you need help?

strugglingtostaysane · 27/10/2021 18:04

I'm sorry OP. The lightest/most myself I feel is when my child is in someone else's care, properly like day care or with my MIL. Otherwise I feel an awful sense of burden all the time. Therapy and sleep help more than anti depressants. I'm sorry it also sounds like your DP is making it worse.

DH was ok some of time, but he was fed up with my moods too. For me I turned a corner when we sleep trained DS and I got more than 2 hours.

cptartapp · 27/10/2021 18:31

It's gets easier when they are about three IME. I wasn't prepared to wait that long.
If she has a shit dad 'won't' do 50/50 there's a surprise then your only option is to outsource these early years and go back to work asap. Honestly, my favourite days of the week when they were under 3 were those I dropped them at nursery. I wasn't the slightest bit depressed. Just needed regular time away.

CrispNeveN · 27/10/2021 19:24

He just keeps saying the wrong thing and making it 10x worse

What sort of things does he say?
Did you both agree to split?

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