How do you switch off from overthinking at bedtime?

[Mrsbrownsbuoys]

I can't switch off at bedtime, my mind races, going over all the things that I've done wrong over the years, what a disaster my life has been, what a failure I am. I need something to distract me until I fall asleep.

I can't listen to music or podcasts out loud because it keeps my partner awake. I've bought wireless earpods, but if I fall asleep with them in, I wake up because my ears start to hurt.

Meditation makes me anxious, I feel like I can't breathe. Counting doesn't help. And I'm rubbish at visualising things, so struggle with the "imagine you're on a beach" type of thing.

I've tried over the counter sleeping tablets but they gave me restless legs, so bad I was crying with frustration.

I take magnesium, but it makes no difference. It might be the wrong sort, but I don't want to take the sort that upsets your stomach, because I have health anxiety, especially around stomach problems.

What helps you fall asleep?

I can’t read either as my DH can’t sleep with light.
I usually just read on my phone. The Times, as I have the app with subscription. I love reading MN at night.

@Fastforwardtospring

Going through the alphabet think of girls names, boys names or name fruit/veg, or make up a story, first sentence has to start, A, second with a B, you get my drift…….helps me.

This is what I do too - countries, words relating to a book I'm reading, ice-cream flavours - it keeps my brain distracted from the negative thoughts.

Foam Roller for the restless legs / relax tight muscles. Game changer

I also have to read to fall asleep, have read every night for years. I need to give my brain something to focus on else it wanders off thinking about all sorts. We went away for a weekend once and I forgot my kindle and was so upset!

I use a kindle with a backlight and just keep it on a low light setting. DH wears an eye mask but I don’t think the light is bright enough to keep him awake anyway. Even if it did annoy him a bit I think he would deal with it rather than having me tossing and turning for hours trying to fall asleep.

Sleep hygiene is also really important so invest in a comfy bed/bedding. Don’t have screens in the bedroom (other than the kindle). Keep the room at a comfortable temperature. Have some wind down time before going to bed and limit caffeine/sugar later in the day.

Tonic water for restless legs. Drink it, don’t soak them with it !
And I find keeping them cold helps, so I put my legs out from under the duvet.

I use wired headphones and have them loosely sitting in my ear so that they fall out when I'm asleep. Being wired they're easy to find if I wake during the night and need to press play again.

My brother is interesting though, he reads, but he also builds things in his mind, ships, buildings, plans entire towns and can recall or go back to them and expand or modify them months or even years later.

I do similar. I "redecorate" and furnish various homes I've stayed in - especially holiday homes that I visit regularly that I imagine are mine. There's one in the Med where I can't get past the awkwardly shaped small kitchen!

If you can sort out how to listen, my recommendation for ‘what’ is Gardeners Question Time. All very soothing: “What flowers can I grow up my north facing wall?” and tips for growing tomatoes.

I have a bit of a sleep routine, camomile tea etc then I read my Kindle paperwhite. I have it as dim as I can manage, to read non fiction (,eg Lucy Worsley) or non upsetting books like Terry Pratchett's novels.
Since having some extra stress earlier this year I've been prescribed a low dose Amytriptilene too, it might be a placebo but I feel it helps. (I'm not on any other meds though).

Also if you get a smart speaker it can play snooze music and audio books and you can plug earphones in.

hope you find a solution.

And I find keeping them cold helps, so I put my legs out from under the duvet.

But what about the monsters?

I had to replace my old kindle with the Paperwhite to read in dark rooms, I did wonder if wasting money but it's been a lifesaver for the past 6/7 years. I got it when my son had sleep problems and we had to sit in with him. It's really very good.

I do the same as@Fastforwardtospring and @Crackletranton.
Pick a theme and go through the alphabet. If it is an easier theme, eg. vegetables or countries, I try to think of 3 for each letter. I restart the same theme the next night and try to remember all my previous choices.
Last night I did 'things I saw during the day'- one for each letter - which had the advantage of making me go back through the day in detail, pocturing the journeys, the food and the people and places I saw.
It fills the working memory and pushe oit the overthinking.

Stopping yourself from thinking completely is really hard - instead of overthinking about negative things can you switch to something you like thinking about? A good memory or something fun you have planned - or just a nice fantasy (go on a date with your celebrity crush, don’t worry about your DH next to you, your mind is your own space ) sounds weird maybe, but that’s what I do. I worry a lot, but I also have an active imagination - I guess the two go hand in hand sometimes. Stressful thoughts about everyday stuff can keep me awake. But just as my celebrity date is getting exciting you can guarantee I’ve dozed off.

@PurpleParrotfish

If you can sort out how to listen, my recommendation for ‘what’ is Gardeners Question Time. All very soothing: “What flowers can I grow up my north facing wall?” and tips for growing tomatoes.

Ooh I find this so soothing as well. Is that the one on radio 4 on Friday afternoons? I listen to it when collecting DC from school on Fridays. It helps me wind down for the weekend after a frantic week.

@Mrsbrownsbuoys

Does the light from the backlit kindle light up the room at all, enough to keep my OH awake?

On mine the light level is adjustable - if I have it too high it does keep DH awake but if I dim it down it's fine.

OP you are spending a little of time cancelling stuff out incase it bothers your DP.

Either ask them to ear plugs in or you sleep in another room for a bit till your anxiety settles.

I listen to sleep stories on podcasts or listen to gratitude podcasts. Stop worrying about your DP and focus on yourself

I take 2 x 220mg magnesium citrate a few hours before bed. You could try one to start.

Learning to slow breathe = less racing thoughts.

Gratitude - 3 things I’m grateful for every day

Reading trashy novels (nothing too gripping!)

If it all goes to shit I keep slow breathing because then at least my mind is calm - even if I’m awake.

I also play the alphabet game, remembering the items in order, so a, ab, abc, abcd. I usually fall asleep before mid-alphabet. That, and if I'm in a particularly uncomfortable frame of mind, I'll do some rounds of 'what I am grateful for', listing ten items of food I am grateful for, or ten places, or ten things in my house. Basically thinking of things that I like and why I like them.

@Crackletranton & @Scarby9 loving the ideas for ‘The Alphabet Game’ @WhatsTheEffingPoint 😀

I watch TV (quietly) until I fall asleep. I find my mind vaguely focuses on that rather than overthinking. I think it's worth considering going to sleep separately from your partner, whether that be different bedtimes or different rooms.

I agree that you’re worrying about DH too much , do you have a spare room that you could sleep in , so you’re not worrying about disturbing him ?
We are in separate rooms and it’s bliss, I sleep so much better !

Have you tried Asmr? I find that very relaxing.

I second the Nothing Much Happens podcast, I’m asleep well before she finishes the first telling of the story. It stops your brain racing from one thought to another but because there’s no real plot you just drift off without getting involved in the story. I know you said you didn’t want an American podcast, but her voice is so soothing.
My son has one of those sleep masks that you pop your ear buds in and he finds it very comfortable. Good luck, it’s miserable struggling to drop off.

I listened to the Harry Potter audio book last night and it helped, it's just I wake up a bit when I remove the earphones. I think I'll consider a headband with earphones built in. I tried my phone under the pillow, but oh could hear it, I also don't think I fancy having my phone that close to my head all night.

Thanks for all the suggestions. If I can't sleep after listening to the audio book I'll try them out. Yes I agree about my OH but I don't have a spare room to sleep in and he won't wear ear plugs.