How do you switch off from overthinking at bedtime?

[Mrsbrownsbuoys]

I can't switch off at bedtime, my mind races, going over all the things that I've done wrong over the years, what a disaster my life has been, what a failure I am. I need something to distract me until I fall asleep.

I can't listen to music or podcasts out loud because it keeps my partner awake. I've bought wireless earpods, but if I fall asleep with them in, I wake up because my ears start to hurt.

Meditation makes me anxious, I feel like I can't breathe. Counting doesn't help. And I'm rubbish at visualising things, so struggle with the "imagine you're on a beach" type of thing.

I've tried over the counter sleeping tablets but they gave me restless legs, so bad I was crying with frustration.

I take magnesium, but it makes no difference. It might be the wrong sort, but I don't want to take the sort that upsets your stomach, because I have health anxiety, especially around stomach problems.

What helps you fall asleep?

Get a sound asleep pillow or a hat with earphones and listen to comedy.

Ooh I've not heard of a sound asleep pillow, I'll look that up, thanks.

I watch TV until I sleep, or read, or just think about things I know please me (like planning my next day off in detail).

Do you exercise enough? I sleep better when well-exercised.

You could try reading a book.

Or you could get some counselling to help you realise you're not a failure, that your life is no more of a disaster than most people's and that you've probably done quite a few good things over the years.

@Mrsbrownsbuoys I am in this boat with you! I listen to History extra podcasts. Calm app is also good. Sometimes these work, other times they don’t! When they don’t there’s always MN! xo

I get like this too. I've learnt to tolerate earphones but sometimes I just get up and go and sleep on the sofa with the TV on. I'll come back to bed at some point in the middle of the night usually and fall straight to sleep. Reading a book (not on a kindle/phone) helps too. I find it's worst when I come straight to bed after working/studying so I try to build in some wind down time.

Notebook and pen by the side of the bed. Write a list of everything that’s on your mind.
Remember to email x
Give DC school money…

Then for more abstract stuff floating around, just bullet point them. My brain remembers the time I stood on my boss’s foot over and over. But if I write it down it makes me laugh a bit because I doubt it’s kept her up at night!

I find the act of acknowledging the thoughts and putting them somewhere for safekeeping really helpful.

I’ve found stress relief hypnotherapy useful in the past because it tells you what to think about so my mind can’t wander off.

Also check your sleeping environment isn’t cluttered/messy or that you have too much tech close to the bed etc as that can keep you awake too.

There's lots of audiobooks designed to help you fall asleep. YouTube is a good source I think.

Also, have you tried sleeping with some kind of white noise in the background? I find it hard to sleep without a fan / fan heater (set on cold) switched on all year round - the noise is lulling

I work with an NHS sleep team (I'm no expert, just admin) and very often they advise on sleep 'hygiene', so getting into a routine, going to bed at the same time every day, waking same times every day etc to get your body into a routine, avoiding caffeine, text etc

Have you tried counselling for your thoughts? Not sure what to say here except try not to beat yourself up. The past is in the past, we can't change it. But you can focus on the future and do your utmost to make sure it's good x

TV not text!!

I often read before bed, it takes my focus off the day to day, I read fiction and autobiographies. My husband also reads, usually theoretical physics as he is interested in it, but also because he says it requires all his brain power so it clears other things out. My brother is interesting though, he reads, but he also builds things in his mind, ships, buildings, plans entire towns and can recall or go back to them and expand or modify them months or even years later.

My dh reads : formulaic books in a series. It works for him. I write in my diary 3 positives for the day that has gone.

Do you have any counselling or therapy? Sounds like you need to work on your self-image/confidence more than anything else.

Sounds terrible but the best thing thay works for me is something on Netflix on my phone under the duvet (on the lowest light setting). I find that distracts me and I drift off far quicker than doing anything consciously aimed at sleep-inducing ie headspace or meditation apps, although they work too. Whatever works for you, go with it!

I like listening to sleep podcasts although haven't found one I really like yet, I prefer a British accent, so many are American. But I can't listen to them without disturbing my partner. Looking at sleep pillows and headphones headbands.

I've had counselling, but it's not really helped, the thoughts still come back. Only at night though, so I find distracting myself works best.

Going through the alphabet think of girls names, boys names or name fruit/veg, or make up a story, first sentence has to start, A, second with a B, you get my drift…….helps me.

Definitely try the sleep pillow. Something that has also stuck with me is to imagine each thought that comes to you as a balloon that you can pat away to deal with later. Probably won't help with big problems but seems to work for me.

Cognitive shuffling

www.bustle.com/p/what-is-cognitive-shuffling-this-trick-might-help-you-get-to-sleep-easier-56458

Radio 4 on timer.

Read something boring on Wikipedia I was reading about the history of the fax machine the other night when I was feeling anxious

I came on here to say something I'd read in an online article - have just seen the previous post and it's a bit similar.

It's to think of an object. Then another one, unrelated to the first. Then another unrelated one.

So could be - an orange tennis ball. An oak tree. A fork. Etc.

It usually works for me. Think it mimics that " almost asleep" state.

Does the light from the backlit kindle light up the room at all, enough to keep my OH awake?

Might sound odd but I just tell myself off for the thoughts and have a bit of dialogue with myself that goes along the lines of - does it really matter? Of course it doesn’t. Who’s going to remember any of this stuff? And so what if they do?? Then I remind myself of my achievements and the fact that I’m heading in the right direction.
That usually calms my thoughts down enough for me to read something. Late at night I just read light frothy stuff.

Wine

I walk through (mentally) all the houses I ever lived in, also schools and grandparents house. Especially happy places. Really helps usually although tonight I got up and made bread and now have indigestion