How do you switch off from overthinking at bedtime?

[Mrsbrownsbuoys]

I can't switch off at bedtime, my mind races, going over all the things that I've done wrong over the years, what a disaster my life has been, what a failure I am. I need something to distract me until I fall asleep.

I can't listen to music or podcasts out loud because it keeps my partner awake. I've bought wireless earpods, but if I fall asleep with them in, I wake up because my ears start to hurt.

Meditation makes me anxious, I feel like I can't breathe. Counting doesn't help. And I'm rubbish at visualising things, so struggle with the "imagine you're on a beach" type of thing.

I've tried over the counter sleeping tablets but they gave me restless legs, so bad I was crying with frustration.

I take magnesium, but it makes no difference. It might be the wrong sort, but I don't want to take the sort that upsets your stomach, because I have health anxiety, especially around stomach problems.

What helps you fall asleep?

Find comfier headphones and listen to Nothing Much Happens

I just put the phone on the lowest possible volume and put it under my pillow so that when I put my head in the pillow on my side the phone is under my ear (with the pillow between them). It will depend on how acute your partner's hearing is, but mine can't hear it, and I can.

Scenario thinking.

Take all the thoughts and energy and such, move it to one side and invent in your mind a secondary life.

In this life you can be anything or anyone, and it isn't erotic at all.. before anyone thinks it..

As an example, I'll tell you one of my favourites.
I'll lie down, get comfortable and close my eyes gently.
Then, in my head, I'll wander around a large open field. The field has been mowed and the grass is short like a golf course. There's trees around the perimeter and small paths winding over the field.
Dotted around the field, just near the paths, are small tents and campers.
My mind campsite also has a central lodge with a kitchen, a shower, a coffee machine etc. On my head I can wander my field, sit inside the lodge and sip coffee. The campers from the tents come and go as I sit, each person is different and has their own lives. We chat, we discuss their life and who they are.

So on and so on and so on.

Keep your eyes closed, make up any scenario you wish. Hell, you could be a super hero flying around a fictional city.
A time traveller visiting periods you're interested in. You could be a rockstar in front of thousands.

After some practice, these thoughts and images can become quite clear and strong. They can push out bad and worrisome thoughts and distract your mind into a relaxed state... And beat of all, with a little practice, these scenarios can actually bleed into dreams and you've effectively chosen what you want to dream about that night.

(I know it sounds weird, for years I thought I was the only person that did this, but it's actually quite common according to forum posts and Reddit...)

I also don't like earbuds at night, but I have found having the volume on the absolute lowest setting, if I have the phone under my pillow or near my ear, only I can hear it.

I put on a Netflix show I love and know well, and let it play without watching it.

@Jerrysgonnabeacableboy

I also don't like earbuds at night, but I have found having the volume on the absolute lowest setting, if I have the phone under my pillow or near my ear, only I can hear it.

I put on a Netflix show I love and know well, and let it play without watching it.

I'll try that, thanks.

Me. I do this. The things my brain drenches up are ridiculous. I've trained myself to daydream, a bit like the scenario described above. I imagine myself playing a part in the scene and imagine different situations. Its calming because I know what is going to happen but because I've already imagined the setting my brain just takes over and before you know it I'm asleep. Sounds complicated but it's really not. You could just imagine you're in a movie scene. This works for me - I think someone described it once as maladaptive daydreaming.

That and This Works pillow spray and some deep breathing. That stuff really does work.

@Fastforwardtospring

Going through the alphabet think of girls names, boys names or name fruit/veg, or make up a story, first sentence has to start, A, second with a B, you get my drift…….helps me.

I call this the Alphabet Game, my nan used to do it with me when I couldn't sleep when staying at hers. Pick a subject and find an item for every letter of the alphabet.

Racing thoughts are the worst. I've had it at various stages, the techniques that have helped me (different ones worked at different stages in my life): reading a novel until your eyes hurt with tiredness, imagining that you've just won the lottery and planning in great detail all of the indulgent things you'll spend it on (someone recommended this and if you get really into it, it can work), getting up and doing something really boring (e.g. filing emails, preparing a spreadsheet for a tax return etc) until you literally can't keep your eyes open, praying something very repetitive (if religiously inclined, a rosary or something similar is good for this), imagining a point during the day or on a recent occasion when you were exhausted and desperate to sleep and trying to imagine yourself back in that situation but that now you're also now in a comfy bed and can actually sleep and doing really strenuous exercise when you're already tired in the evening. My most recent technique now that I have kids is to just try and immediately bat away the thought so it can't develop anymore, just as soon as it appears in your head saying, this isn't important, I'm not dealing with this now, I can't be exhausted tomorrow. Good luck!

No kindles lights are quite gentle and you can adjust them.

You say you like British voices....I'm currently listening to the Harry Potter Audio books voiced by Stephen Fry. It helps its something I know inside and out but I find his voice calming. It might be worth a try.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'll try them out.

Controlled breathing makes me very anxious and doesn't help me sleep. I do try imagining what I would do if I won the lottery, but lately it's not helping as much. My thoughts just keep taking over.

I'll look for the Harry Potter audio books, I might be able to download them from the library. I can't have the bedside lamp on to read as my OH can't sleep then.

Ive downloaded the Harry Potter audio book from the library, going to listen to that tonight

Enjoy OP!

Thanks.

Obviously this still leaves me with the problem of earphones that hurt my ears. The reviews for the sleep pillows are very mixed, also for headband earphones. I'll try placing my phone under my pillow tonight and see if OH can hear it.

I might look into a kindle with light, it's just when I read on my phone the light from it bothers OH, so I'm unsure if the kindle will be as bright (I turn the brightness on my ive right down, but it's still too bright). There are two kindles with backlight, but as my old kindle is still working, it would be a pity to buy a new one if it's going to be too bright.

The only thing that works for me is box breathing alongside counting.
The theory behind it is that you are occupying your mind together with slowing your heart rate.
You breath in counting to four, hold breath counting to four then breath out counting to seven. Do this for a while then go to consciously breathing in and out. Next thing you know it will be morning!

I have tried lots of things over the years and this is the one thing that works for me. I read it somewhere and there was a link to a YouTube video explaining the technique.

Lack of sleep is bad enough but the anxiety on top because of overthinking is a nightmare. Good luck!

My husband uses one of these and finds it comfy and I can't hear it so that's a bonus!

There's a website called www.mynoise.net that has a huge range of sounds, such as rainfall, thunderstorms, crackling fires, cat purring, birdsong, waves, white noise, etc... it's brilliant and lots of people find it helpful for relaxing, unwinding, or, in some cases, focusing ( depends on what you're listening to of course).
I sometimes listen to the thunderstorm and rainfall one via a Bluetooth speaker when I'm in bed. It's such a great tool to switch your mind off.
I hope you find something that helps.

Could your DP wear a eye mask or use ear plugs if the light/noise bothers him that much?

What counselling did you have? I managed on all the tips listed above for years until burning out last year. I had cbt and a sleep workshop through talkworks and now have better self esteem and ways to deal with the worry.

If you did cbt can you revisit the techniques to get you through this period. If you haven't done cbt I highly recommend it.

I love and support JKR but agree the HP books are enough to send anyone into a coma

These sound good to try. My problem is scrolling on my phone keeps me company but also keeps me awake..

Hi @Mrsbrownsbuoys
These were a lifesaver to me. They’re not pretty, but you can leave your phone/ ipad on the bedside table, plug this speaker in, and drift off with it lodged under your pillow.
I’ve never thought it was a good idea to actually sleep on top of your phone anyway!

Under pillow Speaker

I listen to radio 4 comedy on the BBC Sounds app. Stops me fretting for hours on end.

Radio 3 slow sounds is wonderful.

I go through thinking about the monarchs in order, filling in odd details about their lives as I do so. Eg. Henry II was married to Eleanor of Aquitaine and they had eight children. He helped invent the legal structure we use today and was succeeded by his son, Richard who became Richard I, also known as Richard the Lionheart. And so on.

Any list of things you know would do the same I think. Mildly interesting enough to hold your attention with a bit of effort but ultimately not exciting enough to keep you awake.

Epsom salt bath instead of taking magnesium orally. Put some bubbles in too and have a relaxing soak for 20 minutes.
Then drink a small glass of cherry juice in the evening.
And read before bed, but nothing scary or intellectual. Just an easy reader.