Husband delusional thoughts of persecution... never had MH issues before

[Metabigot]

My husand told me he'd had this secret for the last 12 years that he'd been too embarrassed/ashamed to tell me.

He then started talking like a mad man.

He said there were a group of people who wanted to spy on him and take pictures of him going to the loo or masturbating. I said why he said to put on the internet and tell everyhone he was a pervert.

He only sees/them hears them in speific situaitons usually festivals or parties. I asked if they knew us or knew anyone we knew. He thought they may be friends of friends but when I pointed out that the situatoins he'd seen them in had been with totally different friend groups he came unstuck.

So he thinks this malevolent group just so happen to go to every festival/party (seems to be big parties where he doesn't know many) even though they don't know any of our mutual friends, and they just so happen to end up camping near us etc with the intention of putting cameras in our tent/putting him under surveillance to try and gain evidence of him doing something humiliating.

He said he heard them at my brother's party when he was in the loo, despite ackowedging they weren't invitees - when probed he said they must have been next door and watching him. I said bit of a coincidence they moved right next to my brother! So it's all absolute nonsense but he can't see it as whenever I challenge him he says 'but I heard them say x'

Typicallly this is making nasty or sexual comments bout him - the worst one being 'the voice' saying he must be really enjoying taking a look when changing daughters nappy. He actually thinks this person 'said' that to him on one of the camping/festival occasions.

He's never shown any other signs of reality distortion this does seem very situation specific and I think was triggered by a real life incicent where (before he met me) he was pleasuring himself in a tent at a festival and the people next door may have heard and possibly said something - he said he lay there frozen with humiliation for hours.

He then said they were trying to capture pictures of him as he found some broken mirror in the tent that was theirs. and that later he saw one of the people with a camera. (obviously people will have cameras with them at festivals- this was in 2009 pre smart phone era)

I'm just worried that his thought processes seem to exclude reality... he's never had any MH problems before and this is extremely out of character. At one point he started talking about how 'they' could buy a house accross the road to set up cameras to spy on us but then he backtracked and said he was being light hearted.
He doesn't want to go to the doctor as when I said something may have gone a bit wrong with his thought processes and we can get it sorted he said he could live with it. Plus he still believes its true although I may have put a chink into how much by some of my questioning.
Any advice plse

I have had several psychotic episodes in my life. He needs help. The sooner the better. by any means. I would ring the GP and ask them to either home visit or try and encourage him to go. My DH had to trick me into going to hospital. I hated him at the time but after I got better knew it was the right thing.

The classic thing is that he won't know he is ill so no pony trying to convince him.

Also don't placate him by going along with the delusions as that makes them more real.

@PieMistee

I have had several psychotic episodes in my life. He needs help. The sooner the better. by any means. I would ring the GP and ask them to either home visit or try and encourage him to go. My DH had to trick me into going to hospital. I hated him at the time but after I got better knew it was the right thing.

The classic thing is that he won't know he is ill so no pony trying to convince him.

Also don't placate him by going along with the delusions as that makes them more real.

Excellent advice and thanks for sharing. Very brave and to you 💗

If he smokes weed at festivals and parties, this can seriously exacerbate anxiety disorders. I also thought intrusive thoughts i.e., OCD. The nappy thing and being thought to be doing something very wrong... But also quite possibly psychosis so needs seen very urgently.

He does sound ill, not a danger to his child.
Sounds a lot like obsessive compulsive thoughts, intrusive thoughts.

He does need to see a doctor though in regards to meds. It’s so hard for you and him

He does need to see a doctor, you could speak to the GP before hand, the GP can’t discuss any previous MH history of your DH however you can voice your concerns to him. It might be that he needs someone from the community mental health team to come out to him.

I’d say he is in crisis at the moment , you could also speak to the crisis team for you local NHS trust. If you google your local nhs trust and crisis team they will have a contact number www.cntw.nhs.uk/services/crisis-resolution-home-treatment-service-newcastle-gateshead/ for example this is Newcastle

As hard as the first step is going to be he has to see the Dr. Unless he or someone is in immediate danger the emergency services won’t respond. My neighbour has MN issues and was shouting one evening that people were out to get him and when I called 999 I was told the paramedics would be out but it may take 2 hours because he was endangering himself or others

Any drugs can induce psychosis and it could be as simple as he was indeed high as a kite at the festival and was having a wank but it took ages. Being high he didn't notice the people next door were taking the piss..... could even be he just assumed they were taking the piss and his paranoia did the rest. It sounds like he may have them done drugs at a party or two and that combined with his memories and social anxiety has really triggered something by reaffirming his belief that he is being watched.

This sort of psychosis is surprisingly common. My sister had to escort our other sister home from a foreign country a few days into a holiday after she smoked a Joint with a waiter and it triggered her memories of being humiliated at a dinner party with an ex where he dumped her publicly. It was terrible, she had to be sectioned when she got home and it absolutely terrified my other sister escorting her through security when hallucinating hearing voices etc.

I'm also bipolar and the good news is that psychosis is easily treated and therapy can get to the root of this. Even if it turns out he is bipolar or something similar, drugs and talking therapy can be wonderful for keeping people stable. I don't even need full time medication these days, just a short term top up occasionally.

Now, without meaning to worry you I have heard of a condition where the voices talk about paedophilic behaviour wherein the person is absolutely not attracted to children etc but the voices urge them to doit against their will. In your shoes I would be taking over all nappy charges and cashing the local mental health crisis team urgently. You may need to talk to them about possibly sectioning your husband but I promise you this is not as bad as it sounds. Often is the best way to get them very quick treatment without putting them or anybody else at harms way.

This sounds very similar to someone I know who has a very serious diagnosed mental illness. Just another one saying to follow the advice given OP and seek professional help immediately.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. I'm not sure he's in crisis at the moment, he only told me all this as I told him a big secret from the past, before Iet him, and he must have felt a need to share something secret of his too.
I asked him if he worries 'they' are watching him in-between the festival/party incidents and he said no, he doesn't worry or think about them much then as he assumes they'll only be active then.
Although he did make a comment about them moving into our street one day which he later backtracked on.

He seems to have accepted the idea that he might have got some things wrong as I've explained perception cannot always be 100% relied upon, we've called this plan b, so although he still mainly believes the original version, he has accepted it may not be real which made him confused and sad

He's not a big drug taker but may have dabbled at festivals and parties particularly ones before kids or when the kids were not there. However I've seen people lose it on drugs but go back to normal after it seems very unusual to maintain the delusion.

What concerns me most is he's externalising voices where people are mocking him , thinking completely strangers are talking about his sex life or him as a person. He's so convinced these are true he offered to record it next time.

I haven't seen any paranoia outside of this specific situation/theme but if his brain can do this once it could again yeah?

I'll speak to mind tomorrow.

I'm a mental health nurse and it sounds worrying.

I was going to ask about drug use as well.....cannabis, cocaine and speed can cause paranoia especially when coming down.

I assume seeing as you have a young baby that hes young or relatively young ie early 40s at most? Because as you're older certain medical conditions may present with strange psychotic symptoms but if so these really need to be ruled out.

Tbh unless you can be certain its drug related in which case the symptoms will normally go once the drugs are out of his system, i would either get him to a&e or contact your local crisis services. You should be able to get the info online. Does he think there's something wrong? Will he be willing to see a doctor? Its much easier obviously if he can cooperate.

X post, you've explained a lot of my questions there. Still try and speak to your gp at least.

Please call 111 today op. They will hopefully be able to help you. He sounds like he is having some serious mental health issues that need looking at ASAP. Especially if it's gone on for 12 years.

It definitely sounds like a psychosis, for some people they can rumble along under the surface and not cause any significant issues until something happens and then it can be hard to keep a lid on it.

The way he blurted it all out to you sounds like he is struggling to contain the thoughts now. If you can get him to his GP that would be the best, if he refuses then give them a call and let them know what's going on. Its very hard to get help for someone who doesn't think they are ill but your GP is the best person to help right now.

Will the GP speak to me without his consent? I thought that would breach GDPR?

He's not 100% averse to going to the doctor but said he's very surprised at how I've reacted and had no idea I'd think this way.

He is at least willing to consider the idea that he may be ill- plan B as we are calling it. He is relying on his perception to justify his delusions as in ' no I really heard them say that so it must be true ' but as I have some undergraduate level knowledge I've explained a bit of how perception works scientifically and that sometimes it can go wrong.

He's clearly confused and upset at the thought of this but hasn't dismissed it out of hand either.

A relative of mine has a type of psychosis and your story sounds similar. He really resisted seeing any doctors though. I think you should try to get him to see the gp

2 things stand out - drugs at these parties? Have you just had a child? Could be a postnatal trigger i Definitely sounds like psychosis and he needs to speak to someone.

This sounds like psychosis. On these occasions is he drinking copious amounts and mixing with cocaine? It could be linked to some childhood trauma as appose to something a few years ago too...

He’s really ill and you can’t sweep it away im sorry, he’s delusional, lost grip of reality and he’s hearing voices. He’s not going to be able to keep masking it, no matter what you discuss with him. Mental illness isn’t logical op.

I also suggest you call your gp and explain about his hallucinations/delusions and hearing voices etc it’s unlikely he’s been hiding this for twelve years, it’s more his unwell mind thinks that and it’s been recent weeks and months he’s started to think this and his mind has created the whole context.

Someone like this is likely not to accept help from medical professionals though. You have to be by his side And reassure him as appose to telling him he's wrong. If you can't do this my suggestion is to leave, easier said than done though!

I speak from experience, unfortunately
From what you are saying it certainly sounds that he has a psychotic illness and is classically “hearing voices” and has “unusual beliefs”. The fact that they are sexually focused is quite common. The voices are more prevalent and harder to control when stressed- so that is why he hears them more in certain situations. It may be helpful to gently probe as to whether he hears voices at other times and what those triggers are. Start to make a diary of when he says he can hear voices or any other unusual behaviour if he is still telling you stuff.
In response to opinions posted here ime:
First, the OP going to/ contacting GP by herself, as a few folks suggested, will go no where. Medical confidentiality will mean Gp will simply say get husband to make an appointment. Also GPs are Not mental health experts- my exH saw the GP the day before I had to take him to hospital. Heard what my exH was saying about his delusions and paranoia and advised him to contact local council to raise complaints. Never once asked enough to realise my husband was hearing voices.

Unfortunately the fastest route, if a crime has not been committed, is to simply go to A&E yourselves. You will have to wait ages to get the on call psychiatrist to arrive in the department and do an assessment. Prepare to be there all day, You could call an ambulance but right now you’ll wait for ages as not life threatening as it is- so take yourselves there. Use whatever excuse you can for your husband if he won’t go voluntarily. If he gets agressive/abusive then call 999 for police immediately- don’t mess around . That’d be a faster route but carries a risk he’d be in police cell for hours/days before the hospital psychiatrist could see him- so avoid if possible.
Expect that he will not be admitted from A&E to any psychiatric ward as a voluntary patient- that’s like unicorns and such beds don’t exist. . They will rarely section people these days unless they have tried to take their own life. If you feel at all at risk, say clearly and forcibly you can’t have him living in the house with you just now until he is stabilised as there is a safe guarding isssue. I failed to do that despite my husband having knives and pickeaxes stacked up ready to defend himself- our young sons could have walked in on him and been attacked.
When he is discharged make sure you clearly know when the mental health care team will visit. Push them hard to come up with a documented care plan that includes your concerns/boundaries - they have to take you into account if you live together. Don’t take the garbage about the whole team being responsible for his care- push for a single point of accountability who should be the psychiatrist who clinically leads this team. Personally, if I was doing it agian I’d say explicitly that I would not act as carer and push back. Acting as long term carer for partner with mental illness who doesnt think they are ill is horrible, it WILL almost certainly over time make you ill mentally. You are not a trained psychiatric nurse with expertise, and emotionally too close to be disconnected and not take it personally. And unfortunately delusional thinking and persecution thinking has to have something to hang off of- in absence of anything else that could become you as it was me. Living with someone who believes you to be molevalent will destroy you both. I was also appalled that mental health team were happy to drag me into my husbands very personal and private sexual thoughts that were delusional - it was humiliating for him
This year I Had to call it a day on my marriage after 30 years. He was ill for the last 20 years of that with psychosis and paranoia. It made me very ill in the end. He is still my best friend, but we can no longer live together safely and healthily. . It was an incredibly hard decision to make. We are still both adjusting to our new existences and I’m still deeply saddened by it. Mostly I just carry an underlying anger that there is no proper care structure and funding for adults with severe and enduring mental illness -“ Care in the Community” does not work for people with severe mental illness where they have no community. It just means they’re dosed up behind closed doors, at best with family members slowly beginning driven into the ground trying to act as clinical psychiatric nurses 24 hours a day/7 days a week for years and years with no hip or end in sight.
I’m sorry, this isn’t a positive message full of hope for you OP. My advice is to get to A andE asap when he agrees, the fact that he has now said something to you is a sure sign he is getting desperate and knows deep down there is something wrong so how’s a good time to try to persuade him to pop to A&E to just “check things out”. get him into the system..
good luck 💐

I really don't think going to A&E is going to help poor OP or her husband in anyway. It will be an extremely stressful experience and they will no doubt send you home, given there is no imminent danger. OP's suggestion of talking to Mind tmw sounds very sensible. Good luck OP

My university boyfriend had psychosis likely induced by cannabis. He had a crisis which is when we found out about it but it had been going on for a while and continued on for at least ten months after the crisis without anyone realising; he seemed 'cured' (to our naive teenage eyes) ie he was still delusional but covered it up and appeared normal. It was so weird to find that he'd been carrying on with these paranoid beliefs for all that time without giving a clue.

He does need to seek help - it could be psychosis, or the fact that it seemed to be triggered by something and he's kept it hidden could indicate an extreme anxiety disorder that he'll be 'revealed' as a pervert. I've heard of people, otherwise totally 'normal' having a pervasive secret anxiety that something belonging to them will be found at a murder scene and therefore they'll be accused of the murder and they start changing how they do things to avoid the possibility of this incredibly unlikely thing, so it could be something like that rather than a delusion out of the blue.

I hope he gets help soon

I'm not a medic so am not going to attempt to label your husband's condition but there is no doubt he is ill and needs medical treatment.

With help this could pass, Joris, but he has to be open to some intervention. He must be feeling awful and the prospect of feeling better may persuade him.

Don't delay. If you can afford to 'go private' do so and thoroughly research any drugs he may be prescribed.

Good luck.