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Husband delusional thoughts of persecution... never had MH issues before

82 replies

Metabigot · 12/09/2021 11:26

My husand told me he'd had this secret for the last 12 years that he'd been too embarrassed/ashamed to tell me.

He then started talking like a mad man.

He said there were a group of people who wanted to spy on him and take pictures of him going to the loo or masturbating. I said why he said to put on the internet and tell everyhone he was a pervert.

He only sees/them hears them in speific situaitons usually festivals or parties. I asked if they knew us or knew anyone we knew. He thought they may be friends of friends but when I pointed out that the situatoins he'd seen them in had been with totally different friend groups he came unstuck.

So he thinks this malevolent group just so happen to go to every festival/party (seems to be big parties where he doesn't know many) even though they don't know any of our mutual friends, and they just so happen to end up camping near us etc with the intention of putting cameras in our tent/putting him under surveillance to try and gain evidence of him doing something humiliating.

He said he heard them at my brother's party when he was in the loo, despite ackowedging they weren't invitees - when probed he said they must have been next door and watching him. I said bit of a coincidence they moved right next to my brother! So it's all absolute nonsense but he can't see it as whenever I challenge him he says 'but I heard them say x'

Typicallly this is making nasty or sexual comments bout him - the worst one being 'the voice' saying he must be really enjoying taking a look when changing daughters nappy. He actually thinks this person 'said' that to him on one of the camping/festival occasions.

He's never shown any other signs of reality distortion this does seem very situation specific and I think was triggered by a real life incicent where (before he met me) he was pleasuring himself in a tent at a festival and the people next door may have heard and possibly said something - he said he lay there frozen with humiliation for hours.

He then said they were trying to capture pictures of him as he found some broken mirror in the tent that was theirs. and that later he saw one of the people with a camera. (obviously people will have cameras with them at festivals- this was in 2009 pre smart phone era)

I'm just worried that his thought processes seem to exclude reality... he's never had any MH problems before and this is extremely out of character. At one point he started talking about how 'they' could buy a house accross the road to set up cameras to spy on us but then he backtracked and said he was being light hearted.
He doesn't want to go to the doctor as when I said something may have gone a bit wrong with his thought processes and we can get it sorted he said he could live with it. Plus he still believes its true although I may have put a chink into how much by some of my questioning.
Any advice plse

OP posts:
Etinox · 12/09/2021 11:40
Flowers I hope someone with specific knowledge comes along soon. He sounds very ill.
ANameChangeAgain · 12/09/2021 11:43

Agree he sounds ill.
Don't let him change your daughter's nappy.
Its strange how these he only hears them at parties or festivals, so drugs?

DeeplyMovingExperience · 12/09/2021 11:45

This sounds like pretty serious psychosis and it needs to be addressed urgently.

www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool

FiveShelties · 12/09/2021 11:46

Does he use drugs on these occasions?

Firstbornunicorn · 12/09/2021 11:46

I hope you get help for him. Are there any charities where you are that could advise?

TheSockMonster · 12/09/2021 11:47

Oh goodness that sounds really tough for him and for you.

I think you need specialist advice as it sounds pretty serious.

The only thing I can think that might help is to try and address the shame that seems to be underlying it. After all, everyone masturbates and everyone goes to the loo. They are normal, if generally private, parts of human existence and should such videos be leaked onto the internet exactly nobody would be surprised to learn he does them too. Maybe you could focus on that side of it when you speak to him?

Ozanj · 12/09/2021 11:48

It sounds like a breakdown. My boss started saying similar before he had to be sectioned briefly. Call 111 for advice.

DoYouLikeOwls · 12/09/2021 11:50

I was going to say drugs? When my Brother was doing stuff he became paranoid and was convinced there were people living below his house underground.

Mantlemoose · 12/09/2021 11:50

That's sounds awful. He need help. Contact your GP first thing tomorrow.

SylvanasWindrunner · 12/09/2021 11:55

That sounds terrible and he must be absolutely exhausted. Twelve years of dealing with this and masking it? Poor man.

He definitely needs help – it's just how you go about doing it that is the problem, isn't it? If he's so ashamed by all this then he's unlikely to willingly speak to a health professional, and men in general can be buggers for seeing the GP at the best of times.

I agree that maybe calling Mind would be a good start. They might be able to put you in the right direction of where to go next.

I wonder if the 'voices' are intrusive thoughts that over the years he has personified to make sense of it. The nappy comment sounds quite like an intrusive thought - they tend to be things you would be horrified of and never ever want to think of, and that seems to give them life.

TillyTopper · 12/09/2021 11:59

Just a suggestion OP (I am in no way an expert). Are these actual delusions or has he got in with a group and has enjoyed doing this stuff (masturbating being pictured in the loo) himself and posting about it on line.... he fears you may find out now so he's trying to covering his track by telling you he has been coerced.

Nosilayak · 12/09/2021 12:01

Please contact your GP and get his mental health assessed or if his behaviour becomes very worrying take him to A&E or call an ambulance. It sounds dramatic, but two years ago my dh, who had no history of mental health issues suddenly started saying people were monitoring him, watching him through his laptop, monitoring our teenage son, saying he'd broken the law etc. It all came totally out of the blue but at a time when he was under extreme stress at work and at first I tried to brush it off and ignore it. He even went to the GP who just shoved a sick note for a week at him but it soon escalated to a point where he tried to take his own life, nearly killing me by accident in the process and I had to call the Police (the GP told me to do this). He was assessed at a mental health unit at our local hospital for 2 days then sent to a rehab type place for a week. Then was looked after by the local Crisis Team and is now under the care of the Early Intervention team for Psychosis, who are wonderful people. He also claimed he'd had these extreme thoughts for years but I knew he hadn't, he'd been perfectly fine in the past but it was the psychosis making him think he'd always been like this. He has a lot of false memories. Please seek help for your husband ASAP.

PersonaNonGarter · 12/09/2021 12:03

OP, you need to deal with this today and get proper psychiatric help.

Most hospitals will be able to assist but I would call in advance because you will need to go with him and stay with him til he is seen which might require Covid advice from the hospital.

Onehotmess · 12/09/2021 12:04

Sounds like an symptom of OCD? Constant unnerving thoughts can be part of that. The bit about the nappy changing in particular. If it was part of OCD it is an intrusive thought that will just keep on hounding him. I know people who have had this disorder and were convinced people thought they were paedophiles even though they have literally no actual desire in that respect. He needs to see a doctor urgently. Tell him to do it for his little girl. X

FleasInMyKnees · 12/09/2021 12:04

It could be a psychotic episode, a breakdown or he has an undiagnosed mental health illness. Do you think he is taking drugs or is under a lot of stress. There is no point trying to reason with him, he believes this is all really happening. Something has triggered the old event again. I would encourage him to seek medical help but if he wont and you feel he is putting himself, you and your baby at harm you can call 101 for advice anyway.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/09/2021 12:05

Is he using drugs at those festivals?

Suzi888 · 12/09/2021 12:09

Make an appointment with his G.P. Flowers He needs to be seen urgently.

Moviestar · 12/09/2021 12:17

Hi OP. Your husband needs to talk to his GP/ or go to emergency room for a referral immediately. I would insist he goes today. It does sound like an acute exacerbation of either intrusive thoughts or paranoid thoughts ,but it does sound like he has lost touch with reality and needs immediate assessment and help.I am a health professional and if you presented to me with this scenario ,I would immediately refer you. It's probably not helpful to be speculating about diagnoses, I hope your DP gets help quickly and feels better soon, he must be very frightened.

Samanabanana · 12/09/2021 12:24

It sounds like intrusive thoughts/OCD. Hopefully you can convince him to go to the Dr and get some help, it must be awful to live with thoughts like this constantly Flowers

Nosilayak · 12/09/2021 12:27

Hi Op, I was not trying to frighten you by telling you of my dh's experience, nor was I insinuating that your husband could also be psychotic, but he is obviously mentally unwell. As other posters have said, please get him some help urgently.

TokyoSushi · 12/09/2021 12:27

Oh goodness OP, this sounds really worrying, is he willing to seek help?

Howareyouflower · 12/09/2021 12:28

Festivals and parties may be places where he may take drugs. Is this a possibility?

Pinkdelight3 · 12/09/2021 12:29

Afraid I thought similar to @TillyTopper - that he's taken/sent dick pics and this is a way of explaining it if/when they come to light. Pretty weird cover story, but not unthinkable. However if he's coming across as delusional as you say then definitely seek medical help for him. That should get to the bottom of the problem whether it's MH or otherwise.

Totallydefeated · 12/09/2021 12:36

I too immediately wondered about drugs, given the party/festival occurrences.

Sounds like OCD or possibly psychosis.

Either way, he’s in need of urgent assessment by a psychiatrist. It doesn’t sound like something he can manage on his own.

Do you have funds to see a psychiatrist privately? May be quicker and more comprehensive than going via NHS. if you have medical insurance they may cover it.

BelladiMamma · 12/09/2021 12:40

@TillyTopper

Just a suggestion OP (I am in no way an expert). Are these actual delusions or has he got in with a group and has enjoyed doing this stuff (masturbating being pictured in the loo) himself and posting about it on line.... he fears you may find out now so he's trying to covering his track by telling you he has been coerced.
No ^

It's classic early psychosis or BPD which has been masked