Totally burnt out

[Olimar]

I'm so exhausted. Everything is so difficult, there's so much of it, its so hard to carry on.
Harder to even just maintain a basic standard if living. I don't have the energy to keep it going much longer.
Just want to lay down,block it all out, make it go away.

Is there anything you can do to lighten the load, at least temporarily?

I'm literally only doing the basics, and failing at that too really. The house is a mess, needs cleaning, should've been done yesterday.
But I had to go shopping and then I couldn't do anymore. Only made a crap dinner at 9pm.

"Should have" - says who? Who is dictating what standard of living is acceptable?

You shopped, you cooked. There's two achievements that you could be congratulating yourself for.

What's your situation? Are you working? Do you have friends or family who can help you? How is your health and diet?

I should because the weekend is the only time I have for cleaning, I have no time after work, it's too exhausting pretending to be normal all that time, I have nothing left.
Things haven't been done in weeks, months. It's so disgusting I want to cry every time I see it. No one will congratulate me for it, they would be disgusted too.

Who do you have around you to help you? You’re in distress - are you able to talk to anyone IRL?

What are the things stressing you/upsetting you? The relationship to housework/environment can be a manifestation of the core upsetting stuff.

Sorry you’re not feeling ok. Feelings can be overwhelming sometimes and when there is always so much to do life can feel too much.

Is there something you can do today to make yourself feel more ok? Even if a nap, watch a movie, read, go for a walk, speak to a friend…any tiny improving things to string together could help.

I’m just coming out of something similar.

Have you spoken to your doctor recently? I have just started sertraline as I’m so down trodden and burnt out. The mess was causing major anxiety which was making everything worse.

I’m slowly starting to feel better and make headway on the house.

You can do it x

💐☕🍰

No one. I am a single parent. No help, there is no help for people like me because I can pretend it's all ok, so that is what they think. But always having to cover up is what makes me so burnt out, I can't do everything I need to.
It's not just cleaning, that's just an example, the first thing I can see around me.
I have bills to pay
Emails to send
Form to fill in
Appointments to make
School supplies need buying
Renew passports and driving licence
Find a dentist for the children
Lots of other stuff for children too
Garden is so over grown I can't go out the back door, can't hang out washing
Piles of washing, dirty clean, I don't know everywhere. So many bags of clothes
So many bags of rubbish, paperwork, all sorts
Cupboards packed full of things, been that way for years. I can't sort it out, it makes more mess, so I hide it so it looks ok again.
The more I think the more there is to do, too much, I have to stop thinking. I need to stop thinking. I can't do it anymore. I just want it all to stop.

Make a list and cross 1or 2 things off a day.. xx

No wonder you feel overwhelmed OP, that’s a lot. A lot of a lot.

But, basic as it may seem, can start with one little thing from the list, as the PP wisely suggested.

Choose one little thing and do it, then update us if you like? Choose the easiest. Pay one bill online. Or spend fifteen minutes tidying a corner of a room.

Do you have garden equipment/a lawnmower?

Break everything down into tiny sections.

Plus if you are doing one thing, you get to forget about the rest of the list for a bit.

Do one of those awful jobs a week. Just one. Why not start with the dentist? Do the daily drudge and find a dentist.

Do you have HomeStart near you?

I was like this for a good few years before I got divorced and started making changes OP.
I've been a single mum too so I know how hard it is.
The first thing I did after my 2nd husband left (he drained the very life out of me) was to go and see the NHS mental health team and got started on medication and counselling. It was only after that I had the strength to make changes.
Then I sold my house, moved to Somerset, changed jobs - I detested my old job - now I love my job.
Bought a new place which was bigger than my old house and half the price.
I've sorted out all my finances, am paying off all my debts, have ditched everything in the house I don't need.
My life is really getting itself together.
However I did not have the motivation before I'd been on the medication for at least 6 months. Now I am full of life again.
That exhaustion, lack of motivation, no desire to live, it's depression and it's the first thing you should work on, everything else will follow.
Then the more you do - a little bit at a time, the more you will want to do and the happier you will feel.

Can you afford a skip? Boxes that haven't been opened in over 2 years can go straight in.

I know I have a good life, supportive family, friends, partner. I also sit in a comfortable position financially and would like to think that I have an active life with little events, or trips that keep me busy.

Yet somehow it all feels too much right now and whilst I logically know all is well I feel lost in life.

I suspect this is because we have all endured 2x 6 months worth periods of only being able to go to work or be at home and the only holiday or day trip was to the supermarket. Even with holidays it's not uncommon if a friend said I'm going away next week but we are all if we can staying local.

Perhaps you are morning you life pre-covid. Find a way to spice it up, last minute trip somewhere, a night in a hotel where you pamper yourself or host a nice event in the garden with food and drinks. They also say that you can get instant happiness or a sense of satisfaction from helping someone else.

So the question is what is your biggest bug bare currently and how can you change it. Did you dream 5 years ago your life would be how it is now and what can you change even if it's small?

This is what I could do before, on weekends. Not after work because that drains me so much, I come home and zone out for hours, I can't help it. Then all I can do is make dinner, badly and too late, and maybe load dishwasher or take out a bin bag or start washing. Nothing more than that can ever happen.
On a weekend I try to do one extra thing that needs doing. But thats not enough, more than one thing extra gets added to the list, it gets longer and longer. And trying to do that has got me burned out, its too much, but also not enough at the same time.

No not covid, it hasnt changed my life at all. I dont go out except for work or essential shopping.

Please please contact Home Start.

Single parenting is very very draining. It’s the hardest thing.

Do your DC go to their dad?

I’m sorry you feel so bad and hope you can start to get some energy soon. Time alone is important. Perhaps talk to the GP about medication.

Being a single parent must be tough OP, especially without any family help. If I was you I would just tackle one thing at a time from your list- I have to admit though I’m not a big fan of lists personally as if we all wrote down everything we needed to do we would ALL feel overwhelmed, trust me! Don’t worry about the gardening for now- just concentrate on keeping the ‘important’ rooms clean in your house ie bathroom and kitchen where you prepare food, a bit of dust or clutter is not going to harm anyone and can be sorted when you’re in a better frame of mind and feel less overwhelmed. One thing at a time OP, good luck.

Garden is important, I need it to dry washing, and neighbours will complain. Its in my tennacy to sort it.
Even when I do have time, I hate it out there so much, I cant make myself do it. Or if I do it drains me so much, I dont get much done.

If the cupboards have been packed for years another couple of months is neither here nor there.

The back garden need a strip to allow you to get to the washing line, nothing more. Re-wilding is far better than cutting.

Lovie, you need to stop pretending that everything is ok - because it's really not ok in your heart and that's where the pain is coming from. Covering it up is like sticking a plaster on an infected wound.

Please talk to your GP - show him or her this thread if you can. You need real time, practical support to get over this hump and there's no weakness in admitting that your are struggling.

Where (roughly) are you based? Maybe there's a MNer in your area with time on her hands who would love to help you out.

Yes Im not ok, I know that.
Yes I know that pretending im ok is what is causing the burn out.
I know I need it to all stop, but not how to do that without making everything worse.
Im trying to remember how I stopped it before but its so hard, so tiring, trying to stop thinking of everything else and concentrate.

I cant do GP, its too stressfull situation, I normally just shut off to stop melting down, so it doesnt help anyway. I can't say what i need to, why cant they just do it by typing, then id have some chance, maybe
I really dont know anymore,im too tired,just want it to all go awy, just all stop,peace, quiet, thats what i need.

Maybe you could type it all and print it out and give it to your GP to read? Or just type it and email it FAO your GP?

@Olimar I really feel you on this.

I have started trying one small thing a day. Sort a shelf or a drawer, do a bag of clothes for charity shop or to sell on marketplace, make one phone call/appointment/fill in one form. After a while of doing small things occasionally, my confidence has started to build and I've managed to get some momentum and I'm really on my way to having the crap finally cleared from my house. Most importantly I'm not allowed to buy new things ( not that I could afford it anyway)

Also, I've started to be less hard on myself about what's for dinner - if chicken nuggets and chips with some cucumber is all you're up for, they're not going to get scurvy.

You're a single mother holding down a job and raising children. I think that's amazing - regardless of what your house looks like or how 'shit' dinners are.

Please phone your GP - you don't need to make any commitments - just talking to them may make you feel so much better.