Totally burnt out

[Olimar]

I'm so exhausted. Everything is so difficult, there's so much of it, its so hard to carry on.
Harder to even just maintain a basic standard if living. I don't have the energy to keep it going much longer.
Just want to lay down,block it all out, make it go away.

It can't feel any worse than I feel now. Would be easy, I have plenty of pills and alcohol. Then go into a shutdown, and never come back

I need to do something, anything to make it better, but nothings working, I can't focus, concentrate

I want to make a plan, but what? Try phone again, but it's the weekend, so closed. I'm try so hard, but I'm just so tired, don't have the energy, to do this anymore.

Can you give us an idea of what your day to day life looks like at the moment? What time do you get up, what and when do you eat? What hours do you work?

Oh, and just a quick aside - which of your children would you prefer to discover your body?

Preferably neither, so I can plan for that, go somewhere else. In reality in doesn't actually matter what I want, I won't have to care by that point.

So you've put some thought into one possible outcome. What are the alternatives? How would life look if you were able to get help, and what would be the best possible help right now? Physical, to sort out your house or mental, to get your thoughts in a better place?

Don't know how to get any alternatives, I've tried my best, it's impossible.

Best help would be to feel better,everything else is too exhausting, I'm too tired. Don't know how to do that too tired to work out how. Need someone to help me,but no one will, no one wants to.

Tiredness can be caused by so many things - are you simply doing too much with two jobs and teenagers to look after, or do you think it's because you are depressed? (Of course there are lots of medical causes - I sleep a ridiculous amount because what's left of my thyroid is struggling to cope.)

Can you remember when you started feeling like this?

I'm tired from just living life. All of it, everything normal people do, it's hard work for me, so exhausting. But I have no choice, I have to keep pretending, keep hiding my real feelings, hide who I am.

And it's always been this way,all I can ever remember.I've been burnt out before too, it never ends well.

Also I'm not depressed, I hate it when people tell me I am, try to make me take pills that do nothing.

I suspect more people than you think feel the same way as you - there's enough posts on here saying they hate the grind of everyday life - so you are probably more normal than you think you are.

Why are you scared of revealing your true feelings?

Op, I haven’t read all the thread, but just wanted to tell you that I’ve been feeling just like you for a few weeks.
HRT helped a bit then stopped.
Last night I had a good night sleep for the first time in ages and I feel like a new person today. Feel so positive about things, more energetic, etc
Instead of having 2 cups of coffee, I only had 1. I think reducing caffeine made the difference.
Fingers crossed for tonight
Sleep is key

No that's not the same. It's not hating life, it's a more difficult life. And if they are the same as me, then that sucks for them too, but it doesn't make my life any better.

And I'm not scared to, I can't, it's not allowed. Last time I tried it, I got locked up. So that won't make anything better, it will get worse.

No, it doesn't make your life better - but know when you look at other people and envy their 'normalness' they all have their own struggles.

Given that you're holding down two jobs, you have (sole?) care of your children and rent a house, you've done well since you were locked up. Can you at least congratulate yourself for that?

Apart from the GP, who else have you reached out to for help?

Who else is there? I mean who actually has the power to do anything?

I don't live in the Uk and I don't have children so I don't know, but there's the Samaritans - they should know what help is available in your area and they have a chatline if you'd prefer not to talk to them.

Samaritans Chatline is not available in my area, only telephone. And either way they can't tell me anything I don't already know,or could Google for myself. The truth is, there is no one.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. You mentioned not wanting telephone support - there's a few options in our webguide which might be helpful.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

I understand shut down. I do it too and you sound like you're already halfway there. Thing is, its so hard to come out of it once you do it.

Especially when you're already exhausted and on emergency reserves of energy. Living in a tip will drain you even more though, it's the mental load that does it. So you have to muster up one big burst of activity to break the cycle.

I think start easy. Make a list of things that need doing. Tell the kids to pull their damn weight. They're teens so more than old enough to help.

You and kids each pick one thing per day off the list to do and tick off.

Even if its just email xyz in your lunch break or putting the washing up away. There is no reason one of the teenagers can't mow the back grass even it it means using shears to hack it down to a manageable height.

Please see your GP. I was in a similar position a few years ago as a single, full time working parent and went convinced there must be a medical reason.

The GP likened it to everyone having a certain amount of 'coping hormones'. When you keep going, coping on your own over and over they run out and create this situation. They can help you replenish them.

How are you doing Olimar? Hope you managed to reach out and get some help x

Hey @Olimar how are you? Keep talking here if it helps.

No it doesn't help, but also it doesn't not help too, nothing really helps.

Also yes I spoke to GP again,but they don't get it,just give me pills,which don't work.

What pills did they give you OP? There are many different pills and even if one type of medication does not work for you it doesn't mean a different brand might not work either.

Anti-depressants. Not even a new type, one I've tried before, and it did nothing. None that I've tried,and that is a lot, have ever worked. Probably because I'm not depressed, but they don't know that, because they don't listen to me.