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Mental health

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Original poster

Please help me

118 replies

Iamincrisis · 03/08/2021 00:09

I wrote that I was in crisis the other day. I am now feeling heavily suicidal and am thinking about ending my life. I have a one year old. I don’t know what to do. Please help

OP posts:

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 03/08/2021 03:13

So I managed to get through to my local crisis line and the lady talked me down a bit so I feel calmer. But she mentioned social services getting involved if I’m referred to the crisis team...

OP posts:

Greygreenblue · 03/08/2021 03:15

Ok so social services getting involved is not the worst thing that can happen. They won’t just come in and take your baby away. They’re more likely to offer support etc first, which it sounds like you need. Please don’t let that put you off getting help. The alternative is so much worse

StarsandStones · 03/08/2021 03:16

Yes, but they will help you! You are not alone. You have a partner as well. Why whould they take a baby away? The fact you are worried by this is a sign you are a good mother.

Wingedharpy · 03/08/2021 03:18

Social service involvement would only be for further support for you lamincrisis.
Please believe us all when we say no-one will take your precious baby away from you simply because you asked for help.
Well done for making contact with the crisis line and I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit calmer.
I'd very much like to punch your DM and MIL on your behalf.

NiteWotcha · 03/08/2021 03:18

Hi @Iamincrisis
Glad you are feeling a bit calmer

I think that social services is just part of the process

Ratsindahouse · 03/08/2021 03:23

I have been where you are. Medication helped. Have you ever tried this? I tried 3 different anti depressants before I found one that worked well for me. We are here to listen x

LoveFall · 03/08/2021 03:58

I am so relieved you are feeling a bit calmer. Hang on to that feeling.

I too had to try some different antidepressants and I have received help from a bereavement helpline a number of times.

Try not to feel anyone is poised to take away your child. They want to help you so you can parent your child yourself. It is OK to need help, honestly.

Keep talking on here if it helps.

AuntLucy · 03/08/2021 04:02

I'm hoping you are feeling calmer and managing to get some sleep. Its so hard now, but it will get better and there are people -and medications - that really truly will help you get back to you. You love your baby and she loves you and she needs you and only you. Be kind to yourself and just keep ok, keeping on, til it gets better. You are so brave. You are enough xxx

whereislittleroo · 03/08/2021 04:24

Hi @Iamincrisis so sorry to hear how low you've been feeling. Please know, removing children is a last resort. If social services get involved, the ideal is to provide the family with support to stay together and keep everyone healthy and happy. Actively seeking help for yourself is a positive sign and will be noticed.

Can I suggest when you feel up to it, you take some time to make yourself a crisis box? Fill it with things that help you feel calm, hopeful or that distract you. It might include photos of your baby or partner, a letter to yourself, a favourite CD, some sensory things like a stress ball or putty. Anything you like. The idea is that when you're feeling in crisis or desperate, you can connect with the present moment and get out of your head, calm down enough to get through until you can seek further help.

Please don't listen to people who say you're not a natural with your baby. It honestly doesn't matter if you're natural or not. As long as your baby is loved and fed they will be fine. Unless we work in childcare or have lots of family or friends with babies, most of us are flying by the seat of our pants at first. You will gain in confidence as you get to know your baby better.

Please do also talk to a professional if you can. GP is a good start. Be honest - it's scary but then you will get the most appropriate help.

Good luck.

Dita73 · 03/08/2021 04:27

I was in the exact same position 24 years ago. I just wanted to die and could see no way out. I then had a thought that if things really were this bad then they could only get better. Gradually things did get better. Sometimes it would be bad again but I had the reassurance knowing that it had been this bad before and I got through it. I promise you that you will feel better too. I know right now that seems impossible but just hang in there. These feelings will pass. Please see your GP and get help. I strongly advise taking medication. It’s helped me so much. Thinking of you

IonaLeg · 03/08/2021 04:36

I’m so sorry you feel this way OP.

Please be assured that even if you did have involvement from social services, they wouldn’t take your baby away. They know you are the best for your baby even if you are struggling with your mental health. They would offer you support and advice, not removal of your child.

Are you receiving any help for your mental health? Do you take any medication or have any therapy? If not, please speak to your GP. Even if you are receiving treatment, please go back and let them know it’s not working.

You are a valid, worthy person. You deserve to be well. It’s not your fault you feel this way.

whitesheets · 03/08/2021 05:28

I just read your other thread and it sounds as though a part of the problem is that you are working because your partner is not working and as you said on the other thread, isn't bothered about working - they are at home bonding with your baby while you work - and with just you working there is not enough money - this is a practical problem, and would stress out most people, even the most stable and happy of people. You also have no emotional support from them, and no emotional support from anyone else.

If you had the choice, would you be at home more with your baby?

If so, what could be done to get your partner to work, so that you can spend more time with your baby?

What can you do about getting emotional support from somewhere, or if you had more time to relax, do you think you would need less emotional support?

Your baby does need you.

Effinell · 03/08/2021 06:30

I've been here. 19 years ago when my son was around the same age maybe a little younger. I was suicidal, it was like I was in fog and I couldn't see a way out. I went to the GP after one particularly bad night where I literally just tried to get through each minute and then the next one I couldn't think as far ahead as an hour.

The GP put me on antidepressants and my health visitor referred me to social work. I didn't want their involvement because of the stigma but honestly once they became involved it opened up a lot of support for me like various groups and they paid for a childminder 3 days a week so I could get a break.

Things got better. My son is now 20 and I went on to have another child which I was so terrified of doing because I didn't want to spiral again. I went back to work when she was 4 weeks old through necessity (couldn't afford not to) and feel I coped a little better.

Sending hugs and hope everything looks a little better this morning x

Cissyandflora · 03/08/2021 06:37

I hope you got some sleep op and that you are feeling a bit better now.
You’re a very special person. Be strong.

toocold54 · 03/08/2021 06:37

Are you on anti-depressants?
I felt like this when my baby was young and I finally went to the gp and got some which made a big difference. They can take a few days to work though.
I would speak to your partner about having a few days off work to do all of the parenting whilst you just concentrate on yourself right now.

sadperson16 · 03/08/2021 06:41

I beg you, go to your GP.

If you can't get on with him/her ask for another one.

They know what they are doing.

They will have seen this before and be able to help.

You are unwell, through absolutely no fault of your own and it will improve.

MNHQ

MichaelMumsnet · 03/08/2021 07:41

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

We also wanted to share some information from Mind with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help.

You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We've moved this thread over to the Mental Health section now.

Earthling2000 · 03/08/2021 09:12

Sending out a big hug to you this morning Iamin. You are in my thoughts.

Maggiesfarm · 03/08/2021 10:39

Thinking of you this morning, iamincrisis.

AmberIsACertainty · 03/08/2021 12:41

@Iamincrisis

So I managed to get through to my local crisis line and the lady talked me down a bit so I feel calmer. But she mentioned social services getting involved if I’m referred to the crisis team...

Social services for you, possibly. To get you some sort of help with daily life if that's what's needed right now. Not necessarily children's social services.

Even if it is a children's social worker, they don't want to take you DC away, they want to check someone is looking after DC adequately. You have a partner who is an active parent supporting you, so that's good. Social services aren't child snatchers. Removing DC from the home is a last resort, after the parents have ignored suggestions, advice and offers of help.

If you're referred to crisis team, they'll ask about dependants and take this and anything you're struggling with into consideration when deciding what help to offer you. Pretending everything is fine is the worst thing you can do. You're not fine are you? Last night proved that. The system isn't perfect but there's some help available, you do need to ask for and engage with it though. Start by booking an emergency appointment with your GP.

AmberIsACertainty · 03/08/2021 12:48

just read your other thread and it sounds as though a part of the problem is that you are working because your partner is not working and as you said on the other thread, isn't bothered about working - they are at home bonding with your baby while you work - and with just you working there is not enough money - this is a practical problem, and would stress out most people, even the most stable and happy of people. You also have no emotional support from them, and no emotional support from anyone else.

In that case you'd be better off as a single mum OP. If any of this "DP is primary carer and will get RP status" is coming from him, contact Women's Aid for advice on exiting this relationship because saying stuff like that is emotional abuse and forcing you into working through financial necessity could be financial abuse (is he spending all the unemployment benefits on himself leaving not enough for you and DC?). If you don't want him to be a SAHD he doesn't have to be. If you want to be a SAHM you can be.

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 03/08/2021 12:56

I tried to talk to my mum this morning. I told her I was feeling like I was in crisis. She told me ‘you’re fine’ and ‘there’s nothing I can do about it’.

OP posts:

sadperson16 · 03/08/2021 13:07

So,obviously Mum is an utter waste of time

Phone your GP now.Insist you be seen today.
If you dont have the strength get a friend to do it.

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 03/08/2021 13:20

I’ve called the on duty worker at the mental health clinic, waiting for them to call back

OP posts:

StarsandStones · 03/08/2021 13:39

That is a major step! Well done!

And please remember, you are not a bad mum because you suffer with your mental health. If you broke a bone nobody would make this remark...

A friend spoke to me about the breakdown his wife had after the birth of their first. When he noticed what she was going through, he made sure she got help and he supported her all the way. And he is proud of her and how they handled the situation together. Never did he blame her. Your loved ones should support you, they are at fault. Not you.

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