Please help me

[Iamincrisis]

I wrote that I was in crisis the other day. I am now feeling heavily suicidal and am thinking about ending my life. I have a one year old. I don’t know what to do. Please help

If you told your GP or anyone that you were struggling they won’t tell you to sort your shit out! That’s not how things work
Have you spoken to a professional? You won’t get the same response, trust me

Don't let other people's opinions get you down. Your daughter needs you, that's all that matters. Please get some help for her sake.

You are enough and your little one needs you. PM me if you feel more comfortable x

You are needed and nobody has the right to criticise you.

Please, please phone the Samaritans, pour it all out to them. I promise you it will help.

I’ve been waiting to get through to Samaritans for ages but no one is answering. I just need to talk to someone but I have nobody

OP please just phone your nhs 24 they will either tell you to go or they will come to you
You are Ill honey and telling g you to get your shit together is just stupid x

Your baby will miss you. They need you.

Please wake your partner and talk to him . Call Samaritans if it helps . Does your employer have a staff welfare service ? Your baby needs and loves you and you can feel better . Ignore the comments from your mum and MIL .We are all here to listen OP x

Your MIL and Mum are wrong.

Your baby would be devastated to lose you and your partner too. Wake up your partner and tell them how you are feeling. With help you will be ok. I promise. Xxxxxx

@Iamincrisis

It’s my only way out. My mum tells me I need to ‘sort my shit out’, my MIL tells me I’m not a natural with my baby. They tell me if I tell anyone about my mental health my baby will be taken away from me or go solely to my partner. He’s more of a caregiver as he doesn’t work and I do

What they are saying is rubbish. Ignore them, please.

Your baby is safe. You have a mental health emergency. Like any other medical emergency you need to get help from professionals. That is what they are there for.

Please call for help www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

I’ve felt like this myself and the only thing that stopped me was my child. Because they absolutely will notice, and it will absolutely fuck them up to have a mother who killed herself. Don’t assume how you feel now is permanent or even real - it’s perfectly possible to still have post natal depression a year after giving birth. Go and talk to your GP, and to anyone else you can trust. Not the older generation because they have bad attitudes towards mental health - they’ve already made threats towards you to hush you up.

OP your baby needs you all babys need there mummy please just think of that .he or she doesn't need you to be perfect
Just to be well and ignore you stupid mil x

@Iamincrisis

I’ve been waiting to get through to Samaritans for ages but no one is answering. I just need to talk to someone but I have nobody

Please call 999. They can and will help you.

Your MIL is a twat. No idea at all, do they?

I wasn't a normal mum either but mine turned out alright. We are all different. What's normal anyway?

Keep talking. You're doing alright, just be coming on here shows you're doing alright...

Hug

Your mum and MIL are wrong. If you’d broken your leg she wouldn’t tell you to sort your shit out. You are unwell and need help. I’m not sure what your MIL means but even if you aren’t a natural (whatever one of those is) it isn’t a reason for your baby to be taken into care or your partner given complete custody.

It’s so good you’ve posted on here. There are posters like me who have had suicidal thoughts and with help have got through. I know right now you can’t see the tunnel let alone the light at the end of it but please just keep going one minute at a time. How you feel now is temporary. Suicide is permanent.

Thought I’d share this too. It’s by Galway Kinnell.

Wait, for now.
Distrust everything if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven’t they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become interesting.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again;
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. The desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.
Wait.
Don’t go too early.
You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a little and listen:
music of hair,
music of pain,
music of looms weaving our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

Please hold on. 13 years ago I was where you are, also with a 1 year old baby. I was dragged to A&E and I got help. No one ONCE talked about taking my children away. Please get help, go to A&E if you need to.
I got a lot better, with help, and I am so grateful to still be here. Please stay, there are lots of people who need you - you might tell yourself they don’t, but they do. The world is a better place with you in it, even if you don’t buy that right now it’s true.

You have had a baby in a pandemic. You have gone back to work. You can get through difficult times in the most challenging of circumstances. You are stronger than you think you are. This will get better.

My little one is also one and I'm back at work. I have felt like this at times too. When I start to think in this way, I get my phone out and scroll through the photos of my daughter. It's the only coping mechanism that works for me.
Remind yourself that the reason your child is so precious is because of all your hard work in raising them. Look at those smiles. That innocence. That future. You are the absolute world to your baby.

Are you OK OP? Have you got through

Hi OP, please don’t think you are alone. Your little one needs you. That baby has 1 mother & that is you to care & protect. I can’t stress enough how much you have to ignore what has been said to you. They know nothing about mental health but there are plenty of people on here who ‘get it’ me included & there are a lot of people out there who can cope. You are valued and needed. Have you been able to ring Samaritans & wake your partner?? If you want to speak right now pls dm me & I will call you. You are not alone lovely x

@Iamincrisis

It’s my only way out. My mum tells me I need to ‘sort my shit out’, my MIL tells me I’m not a natural with my baby. They tell me if I tell anyone about my mental health my baby will be taken away from me or go solely to my partner. He’s more of a caregiver as he doesn’t work and I do

Hope you are ok, OP!

So what if you aren’t a natural with your baby? I hated the baby stage. It’s not illegal. Your mother and MIL are making your life worse when they should be improving it.

You are irreplaceable. To your baby most of all, but to all the people who love you. These feelings may feel overwhelming but they are not the truth.
Can you tell your partner how you are feeling ? I have lost a loved one to suicide and the pain of knowing that if only they had told they could have been helped is horrendous. This will pass. You will get better, nobody can ever replace the loss of a mother, just hold on in there OP, once you have some proper help things will change and you won’t always feel like this.

Stay with us OP. Talk to us.

Your baby will notice, lots ofnpeople will notice cos you mean something to lots of people. Please ring 999 or Samaritans, please don't give up, you are loved and needed ❤

Hope you are ok op!
This feeling isnt forever and your baby needs you! Please phone 999 if you can't get through to Samaritans, they will help you and nobody will take your baby x