Just don't know anymore

[XenoBitch]

My mental health has been spiralling for ages, and it was an appointment with PCLS (the go between GP and CMHT) made me realise that I have hit all my relapse indicators :(

I have been under Home treatment teams since, narrowly avoiding hospital after a 136 recently. They still haven't made any adjustments to my meds at all, and I think that is what would help. I called my GP, and he said MH team have to change them... but they wont.

I am exhausted with all the panic, and such a low mood. I have no fight left in me at all. I agreed to go under Home Treatment so I could avoid A&E/136/police etc :( but all they are doing is checking I am still alive.

Hello XenoBitch,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling so low.

Please contact the Samaritans, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.
Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, if you are really struggling it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus
Gov.UK: Find out what support you can get if you’re affected by coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

We really hope things will take a brighter turn for you soon.
Very best wishes from MNHQ.

thats shit @XenoBitch. Unfortunately, MH services were really shit before covid, and worse since. That's no help at all to you. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to, or talk to us here? How are you now?

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
The mental health services are still severely lacking despite all the marketing around the importance mental health etc...

Like above please call Samaritans see if you can get help or check yourself into a&e and say you are not feeling safe in your mental health - whilst there push to be referred and seen by the hospital mental health liaison team and don't allow them to discharge you.... they can't force you to leave.

Alternatively - how are you finances? (Sorry rude question) is private health an option? You could ask gp for a referral to a private psychiatrist who could change your meds?

How are things going with the CRHT?
There are doctors within that team, who should be able to adjust your meds for you. Have you told them the adjustment you think you need?

Thanks for the kind replies. I took some time away offline, hence the late reply.

I have been told I have about 2 appointments left with the crisis team. The people who have come to see me have been great (one is my old CPN who left to work for them, so she knows me very well). Nothing has changed though. I still feel low, anxious and my self harm is still really bad. They have not even sign posted me to anything else.
I do feel like I have been chewed up and spat out by them. They are visiting tomorrow (and if it is the person I think it might be, it will be ok... he will listen).

I am on UC, so going private is not an option.

Wondering how the appointment with the crisis team went @XenoBitch? Are you feeling any better?

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

Wondering how the appointment with the crisis team went *@XenoBitch*? Are you feeling any better?

Thanks @SpongeBobJudgeyPants

The person that came to see me was someone I didn't know (after I was told they would keep my "team" small). She wanted to go over my Crisis & Contingency plan, but said being in crisis is the worst time to try and do that so shoved back in her bag. I said I was worried about discharge as not much has changed... she said they don't feel I am safe to discharge yet. I did ask about medication again, and she said they would worry about the transition period between different medications. I am not on the maximum of my anti-depressant so they might be able to look at that.

I have been trying to do things other than lie on the sofa in a stinky state (self care out the window!). Am trying to make the garden look nice, so been working on that, which has helped more than I expected... so will keep at it (when the heat allows).

I saw a post on another thread on MN, which said not to look up at the hill you are climbing.. and just focus on what your feet are doing. That really resonated with me. I keep worrying about the future, when all I need right now is to look at the present.

I'm glad you are taking pleasure in the garden. It's stressful when they don't do as they say isn't it, re the person you didn't know...is it reassuring that you are not discharged from the service yet?

I would say to, do what you need to do to get you through the day. Don't bother about the stuff you don't need to.Been there, got the t shirt unfortunately