NHS Mask Shamed/Discrimination, escalating action (thread 2)

[Maskwoes]

First thread: Mask shamed (disability), complain? (Some TMI) http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3978398-mask-shamed-disability-complain-some-tmi

It's been almost a year since I made my original post, and the after effects are deeply ingrained in my soul. I've had my piece published in Laura Dodsworth's book "A State of Fear" too.

I complained through PALS and my concerns were escalated to a senior nurse at the MIU, where my concerns were met with pure disdain, an attitude of "fuck you, wear a mask, protect everyone, I don't give two shits about the impact on your mental health". She also wrote that any questioning regarding lack of masks would be gentler and more private - things I know have not been implemented.

I've taken legal advice to determine my legal position and I'm told I have a strong case as the MIU stance contravened governmental coronavirus regulations and the impact to my mental health is shocking. Also that my mental health conditions, including PTSD and GAD from the sexual assault, and how they affect me are enshrined as a protected characteristic (Equality Act) and their actions were in contravention of this and direct disability discrimination.

I'm about to escalate up the chain to CCG, then CQC, then sue. Why sue? Why do I feel the consuming rage to take money from the cash strapped NHS? Because it's the only language they will understand - the only thing that will force accountability and responsibility on them. I can then directly pay privately for counselling.

Only read the first reply and thought oh don’t waste your time reading the rest of the fools responses. Good for you, I’ve had the same and will never cover my face with a piece of cloth from Poundland so others feel safe. I sincerely hope you win your case and hope that those pieces of shit that have made those that cannot wear a mask are happy driving people to depression, anxiety ridden fear of doing something as basic as doing shopping never feel the fear that a person with PTSD feels. Whatever happened to “be kind”. For those that will want to berate us for not wearing a “life saving piece of cloth” (sarcasm) I won’t be reading the rest of this thread so don’t waste your breath trying to respond directly to me to try make me feel like a piece of shit. Frankly i don’t give a shit what you think of me and never wil. OP please let me know how you get on by PM. Best of luck with it and I pray people cop on and show some compassion towards you x

I don't think forcing those with mental health problems to wear a face cover is helpful. We can all argue that visors or whatever are not restrictive in the slightest but when people convince themselves that they are you just have to accept it and keep 2m away. Unfortunately hcps treating people can't do this hence their preference that we all do what we can to protect each other.

'fuck you, wear a mask, protect everyone, I don't give two shits about the impact on your mental health'

It is unbelievable that a hcp spoke to anyone like this so regardless of the actual subject they need disciplining for this verbal abuse.

I'm about to escalate up the chain to CCG, then CQC, then sue. Why sue? Why do I feel the consuming rage to take money from the cash strapped NHS? Because it's the only language they will understand - the only thing that will force accountability and responsibility on them. I can then directly pay privately for counselling

If you choose to sue, that is up to you.

But sadly, I dont think that will do that much to ease your "consuming rage".

You need, somehow, to take steps to control and ease your rage.
Else it is going to completely eat you up.

Sue the NHS? Just no.

In most countries masks are compulsory to preserve the health of others - what would you do there?

I'm sorry for your trauma but masks save other people and I'm angry that people won't wear them. Who do I sue?

Hi all. We're not sure that AIBU is the best place for this thread. We've moved it over to the Mental health section for now.

When this happened it was before anyone had been vaccinated so they were probably terrified of spreading infection which could kill people. Kids could lose parents etc. So I can see it from their side but can also see it from your side and I'm sorry you've been caused such distress. It's a horrible no win situation on both sides.

'But sadly, I dont think that will do that much to ease your "consuming rage".You need, somehow, to take steps to control and ease your rage.'

Yes with respect op I would stop what seems like projection, draw a line and try to leave the rage behind. It isn't doing you any good at all.

@ancientgran

Lots of patients find it difficult to keep an oxygen mask on.

OP, I am very sorry for what happened to you. I am a nurse and if I see someone wearing a sunflower lanyard with no mask, I don't question it.

I'm sorry that you haven't had a satisfactory response from the unit. I'm not sure how suing now will work, won't it be a bit "he said, she said"? Personally I have very little memory of what happened this time last year, it's all a blur.

If anyone else is reading this who has experienced trauma that triggers PTSD, please seek help straight away via your GP. I had counselling and EMDR therapy on the NHS. You may have to wait of course. Don’t leave it and hope it will go away.

What happened to you (the attack) was awful OP and it sounds like The NHS behaved badly BUT you seem to have transferred all your anger to them.
I defend your right not to wear a mask but blame the people who can but don’t for some people’s attitude

In most countries masks are compulsory to preserve the health of others - what would you do there?

Every EU country and the USA allow exemptions for people who are unable to wear masks for medical reasons.

I wish people would stop spouting this nonsense without doing their research.

Surely there is some merit in slowly, slowly building up the mask wearing practice on a daily basis.

There are many critics of exposure therapy (which is what you're suggesting) because it a) places blame of the victim, and b) actually causes further trauma. Poor advice.

[quote Hobnobsandbroomstick]@ancientgran

Lots of patients find it difficult to keep an oxygen mask on.

OP, I am very sorry for what happened to you. I am a nurse and if I see someone wearing a sunflower lanyard with no mask, I don't question it.

I'm sorry that you haven't had a satisfactory response from the unit. I'm not sure how suing now will work, won't it be a bit "he said, she said"? Personally I have very little memory of what happened this time last year, it's all a blur.[/quote]
I'm sure they do but do they refuse to have one at all?

I think it would be better if there was some regulated scheme, anyone can buy a sunflower lanyard from what I've heard so if that is true it devalues it a bit.

@Orf1abc

Surely there is some merit in slowly, slowly building up the mask wearing practice on a daily basis.

There are many critics of exposure therapy (which is what you're suggesting) because it a) places blame of the victim, and b) actually causes further trauma. Poor advice.

I can understand the trauma but how is it blaming the victim? Surely it is better for the victim if they take the power away from these things.

@ancientgran

I'm sure they do but do they refuse to have one at all?

Yes they do. It's very common. There are alternatives e.g nasal specs.

Thanks BadNomad it is interesting to know. My husband hates masks, his breathing isn't great and he moans like mad about them but he does wear them. I can't say I like them but if it helps, even a little bit, to get us out of this then I will go along with it.

@JaniieJones

I don't think forcing those with mental health problems to wear a face cover is helpful. We can all argue that visors or whatever are not restrictive in the slightest but when people convince themselves that they are you just have to accept it and keep 2m away. Unfortunately hcps treating people can't do this hence their preference that we all do what we can to protect each other.

'fuck you, wear a mask, protect everyone, I don't give two shits about the impact on your mental health'

It is unbelievable that a hcp spoke to anyone like this so regardless of the actual subject they need disciplining for this verbal abuse.

I really don't think any HCP would say this.

“No one struggling for breath due to COVID finds themselves too special to wear an oxygen mask.”

This 100%. People do find the oxygen masks very uncomfortable but have no choice as there’s no alternative at that point…

[quote BadNomad]@ancientgran

I'm sure they do but do they refuse to have one at all?

Yes they do. It's very common. There are alternatives e.g nasal specs.[/quote]
Nasal specs are only suitable for those on a very low amount of oxygen and they completely dry out your nasal passages after prolonged use of higher amounts.

I can imagine what you really want is for the attack not to have happen. And for the HCP to have treated you with more dignity.

Unfortunately whatever you do and whatever you say, you cannot ever go back to before that point. So the aim is to be to live for today. And plan for your future.

People are advising you not to pursue this because you won’t get what you really need. I know you think an apology will suffice. It really won’t. You will still be left with the PTSD, the pain, the anguish and left with the grief of not moving on with your life.

A lot of us here have been victims of one form of abuse or another. It is a hard lesson to try to move on rather than being frozen at a point in the past. I have had to do it for self preservation. And people are advising you to do the same and this is why they’re saying to let it go.

You are focusing on the apology when the real focus needs to be on healing. I really hope you can take what you need from posts like mine.

I can understand the trauma but how is it blaming the victim? Surely it is better for the victim if they take the power away from these things.

Not sure if this is what PP meant but to me It has a whiff of "if you can't wear a mask then it's obviously because you haven't tried hard enough"

For those who can't wear a mask and find themselves needing oxygen, I imagine it's a risk factor for higher mortality rates and / or it means they're more likely to be sedated. I rather doubt people like the OP suddenly and magically just get over the mask issue at that point.

@ancientgran
I imagine it is blaming the victim as it gives the message if they just tried hard enough or if they practiced enough times, they’d be able to get over x issue. And thus the message received becomes ‘just get over it’. And thus this becomes a position of not validating the person’s reality as the victim of abuse.

So sorry to hear you are still having issues with people not being understanding of your requirements for reasonable adjustments.

Do you have a summary care record that is shared between your GP and OOH, hospital and 111. GP's can put your requirements on there under complex care needs so that every HCP is aware.

I completely get it, DH can't wear a mask and was assaulted whilst at the hospital by someone who had an issue with his lack of a mask. Luckily the nurse who had just treated him for one of the reasons he can't wear a mask saw and got security. For HCP's to be so callous and neglectful of your needs is appalling.

@looptheloopinahulahoop

I can't believe some people are still so militant about masks. Most of the fabric ones you see offer zero protection due to the fabric being too open weave, with no hope of any filtration. Many people also don't wash their masks or they have the same disposable one in their pocket for endless time. These people really might as well not bother

Completely different issue - those of us who do wear them properly are protecting ourselves and others. And the cloth ones do help - common sense says that if everyone has a barrier in front of their mouth the virus will be unable to spread as easily.

But anyway, different issue.

OP I am not keen on suing the NHS as all you are doing is suing the taxpayer - there was a case last week about parents who lost their baby son and they made this very point when the NHS was fined for its poor care. I agree with others that your energies would be better spent in counselling or support for your trauma.

I am not sure why the staff you met were so rude, but their right to protection is no less important than your rights. This issue would have not have arisen if the government had arranged for a nationally accepted exemption system.

Please move on, this sort of waste of energy achieves nothing and will end up prolonging trauma in the end.

The NHS has money which is ringfenced for paying off all their lawsuits. So it is not as though you are taking money off s cancer ward fir instance

@Mummyoflittledragon

I can imagine what you really want is for the attack not to have happen. And for the HCP to have treated you with more dignity.

Unfortunately whatever you do and whatever you say, you cannot ever go back to before that point. So the aim is to be to live for today. And plan for your future.

People are advising you not to pursue this because you won’t get what you really need. I know you think an apology will suffice. It really won’t. You will still be left with the PTSD, the pain, the anguish and left with the grief of not moving on with your life.

A lot of us here have been victims of one form of abuse or another. It is a hard lesson to try to move on rather than being frozen at a point in the past. I have had to do it for self preservation. And people are advising you to do the same and this is why they’re saying to let it go.

You are focusing on the apology when the real focus needs to be on healing. I really hope you can take what you need from posts like mine.

Absolutely think @Mummyoflittledragon has some thoughtful very astute advice here.