Neighbours listened to my therapy session

noseyneighbours · 2021-06-08T17:01:55+00:00

I had a therapy session today and my neighbour and his girlfriend not only listened to it but discussed it afterwards. I'm fucking mortified. It was very personal stuff about my background and relationships and other therapy sessions.

Howshouldibehave · 08/06/2021 18:02

How did they hear?!

IHateCoronavirus · 08/06/2021 18:03

Did they talk about it with you? Or did you hear them talking about it?

ABitOfAShitShow · 08/06/2021 18:04

How do you know for sure? It’s not ideal and I get it because I’m pretty sure 4 months of mine were also heard because of having to do them on zoom but it is what it is. All you can do is try to prevent them from hearing next time. Just know that you have nothing to be embarrassed about and your discomfort will pass. Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on.

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 18:06

It was on zoom and the internet wasn't good and my therapist couldn't hear me so I had to speak loudly. The windows were closed but I didn't realise they were outside the house sitting in the sun.

Once the therapy was over, I heard my neighbour say Fucking hell that was good! and his girlfriend said Do you think it was therapy? And then they started talking about it. They were on the street directly under my window so with the window open I could hear them clearly talking about it.

I feel so embarrassed and humiliated that they heard that.

OP posts:

IHateCoronavirus · 08/06/2021 18:14

Oh op sending you a gentle hug fucking gobshite implying that your experiences were “good”.

Be gentle on yourself, I know very few people who don’t have skeletons in their cupboard which they would rather no one know, or people who have got to my age unscathed by traumatic life events. You have nothing to feel ashamed for. You are human.

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 18:20

Thank you. I'm just feel like curling up somewhere as it was all so personal. They know about my ex, my mum, my last therapy sessions, so, so many intimate things about me. Then to hear them talking about it like it was Eastenders was horrifying. They live in the same building as me and I have to see them again and they know all this stuff! I feel like screaming.

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Etinox · 08/06/2021 18:22

I’m so sorry. From the set up do you think they know it was coming from your place?

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 18:24

Yes they were directly under my window. It faces the street. I had no idea they were there. They are beneath me so they know it's my place. I feel so pissed off that they didn't realise it was personal information and move away to give me privacy. They just sat there and listened.

I need to get some headphones with a microphone so that there's no need to talk loudly again.

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IHateCoronavirus · 08/06/2021 18:30

They twigged it must have been therapy and didn’t do the right thing and move. It says much more about them than it does you, no matter what was said.

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 18:39

They're kids in their 20s. He's a creep anyway. I keep seeing him standing outside my place staring up at the windows. He's really weird. I'm beginning to calm down now, I was nearly having a panic attack. Hopefully they'll forget about it. She was asking him if they could do something to help! Absolutely mortifying.

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IHateCoronavirus · 08/06/2021 18:56

I can see how embarrassed you feel. I think lots of people would feel the same way.

These strong feelings will hopefully settle soon. She sounds empathetic at least.

You know what they say about today’s news being tomorrow’s chip paper, they’ll soon forget the importance of what you have described.

Hold your head up high, be proud that you have survived whatever gave you scars.

toocold54 · 08/06/2021 18:57

This is so crap OP!!
Just remember that people freely put all of their business all over SM so they will soon forget about what you said and be talking about the next persons issues.

BlueDucky · 08/06/2021 18:59

As PP said, it says more about them that they didn't move and give you privacy than it does about you.

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 19:15

Thank you. I just needed somewhere to vent as it's therapy so I can't just vent to anyone. Let's hope they have memories as short as their manners.

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SeasonFinale · 08/06/2021 19:17

As much as it can't have been nice to know someone heard it isn'y their fault they heard you. The onus was on you to ensure you was in a place where you could not be overheard.

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 19:22

@SeasonFinale

As much as it can't have been nice to know someone heard it isn'y their fault they heard you. The onus was on you to ensure you was in a place where you could not be overheard.

Don't be silly. I'm in the privacy of my own home with the windows closed. Eavesdropping is wrong as you full well know. It was obvious that it was a private and deeply personal conversation and most decent people would have moved away. To say that they simply can't help earwigging is ludicrous.

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thesootherfairy · 08/06/2021 20:17

This is why therapy over zoom is a terrible idea.
Therapy is supposed to take place in a safe space with privacy. Therapy over zoom is none of those things.
It's worse than nothing IMO.
Sorry OP. That's shit. FWIW. I've been there/am currently in same boat and now I don't want any more therapy.

SeasonFinale · 08/06/2021 20:22

They were sat outside but you were talking loud enough for people outside to hear. It really isn't their fault they heard although I accept they shouldn't perhaps have then discussed it knowing that if they heard you then you would probably hear them too.

I assume as they also live in the building they were allowed to sit outside where they were sat. That is why I would say it isn't up to them to move but you should have ensured you could not be overheard. So no - it is not me who was being silly.

NewAgeOutlaw · 08/06/2021 20:22

Don't be silly. I'm in the privacy of my own home with the windows closed. Eavesdropping is wrong as you full well know. It was obvious that it was a private and deeply personal conversation and most decent people would have moved away. To say that they simply can't help earwigging is ludicrous

Yes and they were in the privacy of their own home. It’s not like they put a ladder up to your window with their ear against it. You say yourself your were talking loudly, if you hadn’t been they wouldn’t have heard you. Sorry, but this is on you. It wasn’t right for them to talk about it after but you can’t really accuse them of eavesdropping when they’re just trying to enjoy the sun and happen to overhear your conversation. It must have been pretty loud for them to hear it with your windows shut

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 21:41

@NewAgeOutlaw

Don't be silly. I'm in the privacy of my own home with the windows closed. Eavesdropping is wrong as you full well know. It was obvious that it was a private and deeply personal conversation and most decent people would have moved away. To say that they simply can't help earwigging is ludicrous

Yes and they were in the privacy of their own home. It’s not like they put a ladder up to your window with their ear against it. You say yourself your were talking loudly, if you hadn’t been they wouldn’t have heard you. Sorry, but this is on you. It wasn’t right for them to talk about it after but you can’t really accuse them of eavesdropping when they’re just trying to enjoy the sun and happen to overhear your conversation. It must have been pretty loud for them to hear it with your windows shut

They were OUTSIDE by my window on the street. As I already explained. How can they enjoy the sun inside their house? They were sitting by my window outside and I didn't see them, so had no idea they were there. Since they were quiet for the whole time I was having therapy, I had no idea they were there. They sat beside my window for an hour listening to my therapy session. They were beside my window, that's how come they heard it. They've got a garden and could have gone there but chose to sit in silence and listen to a deeply personal conversation.

Dont' blame me for the fact I had no idea two people were outside my window on the fucking street listening to a therapy session.

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XenoBitch · 08/06/2021 21:49

Oh, that is awful. Any decent person would have moved once they figured out what you were talking about. For them to stay and listen to it all sounds like they just want gossip.

I mentioned in AIBU that my neighbour was gossiping about my mental health to others, and hearing her talk about me without knowing the facts was distressing. I was told that her conversation was not for my ears.. just like your therapy session was not for your neighbour's ears. I was told to put music on, go out etc. Your neighbours should have done the same.

What is done is done though. I know it will be hard, but if you see them, try and hold our head high and in that moment put it out your head that they heard you. You can't control what they do now, but you can control what you do

MNHQ

EstherMumsnet · 08/06/2021 21:55

We share your horror OP.

This is a gentle reminder to other posters that OP needs support right now, and to please be careful to be kind in your responses.

Original poster

noseyneighbours · 08/06/2021 21:57

@XenoBitch

Oh, that is awful. Any decent person would have moved once they figured out what you were talking about. For them to stay and listen to it all sounds like they just want gossip.

I mentioned in AIBU that my neighbour was gossiping about my mental health to others, and hearing her talk about me without knowing the facts was distressing. I was told that her conversation was not for my ears.. just like your therapy session was not for your neighbour's ears. I was told to put music on, go out etc. Your neighbours should have done the same.

What is done is done though. I know it will be hard, but if you see them, try and hold our head high and in that moment put it out your head that they heard you. You can't control what they do now, but you can control what you do

Thank you, like I said it's mortifying that they know all these personal details about me but I just have to let it go. I wrote to my therapist and said that if there was bad broadband again, we couldn't have the session because of what happened.

I think they were right, that what other people are saying, even if it's about you is none of your business. Most people know that you don't sit and listen to private conversations. I'm sorry they were discussing your mental health, it's very distressing that they know such personal details. I hope you're feeling ok now.

You're right, all I can do is move on. I've calmed down a lot now though, as there's nothing I can do about it. It's also good that I'm aware of being overheard outside and have bought a headset. Thanks again.

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EarringsandLipstick · 08/06/2021 21:59

@EstherMumsnet

We share your horror OP.

This is a gentle reminder to other posters that OP needs support right now, and to please be careful to be kind in your responses.

Well said @EstherMumsnet and a good idea for MNHQ to jump in here 👏

EarringsandLipstick · 08/06/2021 22:02

You're right, all I can do is move on. I've calmed down a lot now though, as there's nothing I can do about it

OP I think you're great for trying to move on, after an upsetting experience (that wasn't your fault).

You've handled it well by making a plan for the future.

Hope you're feeling a bit better 💐