Can anyone give me hope regarding 18 year old dd (will she get better with age and experience?)- massively affected by anxiety and unable to properly engage with life and its challenges

[LimitIsUp]

She has had her issues since year 9 (school refusal etc), more attendance issues at sixth form college, and then bailing out of University almost immediately.

Huge panic attack / meltdown today regarding 'knowing that she is a problem', hating herself and hating life, stating that she will never be able to go to University or hold down more than a minimum wage job' etc etc

She just can't do what her friends do (can't stay over at another friends house, can't talk to strangers, struggles to go into a shop and buy things on her own, can't do most casual jobs because the working environment is huge and scary (said about supermarket jobs, a job at a local theme park etc) - her safe space is very limited

She is medicated (citalopram), and is on her third counsellor (this one is offering CBT)

Might she just get better with age? I know anxiety is a life long condition but will she learn to manage it more effectively as she matures? I just feel that perhaps she is struggling with the transition from child to adult?

Are there any mumsnetters out there who were like this when younger but are now more able to deal with life?

Although actually as she has diagnosed anxiety disorders that might be enough, or there may be charities for mental health and work.

Sounds like a really tough situation for you all. I would also not allow the smoking in my home as I doubt it does make her feel better beyond the immediate time. Do you get her to pay for your petrol for taking and dropping her to work? I presume from your description it is a minimum wage job if she had to pay for fuel maybe she would not have so much to spend on drugs.

@LimitIsUp There’s also a scheme (work aid possibly?) that helps put in reasonable adjustments for people with disabilities - employers are obliged to anyway (not sure of the ins and outs of this but I had RAs for my chronic illness such as having a chair where colleagues stood etc) but it’s some kind of funding that can pay for things that help someone with difficulties keep their job. For example I was told that it can pay for taxis to a job where somebody can’t drive or get there by bus.

I know it doesn’t solve all the issues and a lot of it is going to be about graded exposure I think like going into small shops etc. And it’s so so likely the weed is a big part of the problem, I have no experience there but I like what people are suggesting about banning it in the home as a first step. It’s one thing enabling some avoidance due to anxiety but enabling drug use is another.

But anyway I do think getting her that ASD assessment is a priority because it could open up other means of support - it sounds likely she’s autistic from what you’ve said, and I’d also look at ADHD even if there aren’t obvious signs. The combination is horrible and IME it can be the conflict between the two that causes a lot of anxiety. And with the ADHD side, there is medication (although I’m not sure about safety if she’s also using weed/CBD oil). If you can, get her assessed for both ASAP.

Just wondering how your daughter is now?