Mother and Baby Units

[allthesharks]

I'm being referred to a Mother and Baby Unit because I've got severe PND and I just can't cope. Has anyone been in one? And if so, what was it like? I know I need to do this to get better but I'm also really scared.

I got offered twice to go into one, looked around it and the locked doors and cameras etc terrified me and I decided not to go. It was very dinghy and dark. Not homely. I thought it'd be hard for my son as it was not a nice environment...and also thought it'd be hard for my husband to be seperate too and he didn't want to be seperate from us.
I have heard others say they're very helpful though, so perhaps the one near me was just not the nicest.
Do you have PND. How old.is your baby?

Thank you for replying. I have PND for the third time. I also have a history of depression prior to having children. My son is nearly 9 months old. I hate the thought of leaving my older children but I have been trying for months to get better and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not a good mum at the moment because I'm so unwell. I've only got scraps to give and all three children deserve so much more. I want to get better for them.

Just to update further. I have just been admitted to a mother and baby unit. I'm here as an "informal" patient, which means I haven't been sectioned. I'm anxious but the place isn't scary. I just really hope that I can get better. I have a long history of depression, this is my third time with PND and there's some trauma there too - both from my children being premature and the breakdown of my marriage. I feel this is a positive step and I feel good about it but I'm aware that I might have a wobble when I wake up in the morning.

If anyone is reading this, some positive thoughts, prayers, whatever your preference is, would be much appreciated.

I'm really pleased you have done this and see it as a positive step OP. Hopefully if you do have a wobble it will be just that, and won't last. How are you and baby settling in? I've got a nearly 9 month old too

Well done @allthesharks I hope you and your baby have a restful night. You can do this! Xxx

Well done for coming forward for help, that’s an incredible step to have taken. Very best wishes to you in your recovery

Well done for getting help I am thinking of you and hope that you get better. You have done the best thing for yourself and your children xxx

If they have managed to find a space for you then you are in the best place. It isn't easy to get an inpatient space for you and baby. You deserve this chance to heal and get better and your kids deserve it too. Good luck to you. I hope you settle in soon and manage to get some rest tonight.

Well done on making that choice..I nearly went in one when my baby was 9 months, but was told.itd have to be an adult ward due to his age, so I'm glad they have taken you both in..keep us updated. 🌸🌸

Well done for being so brave OP and taking daunting steps to better yourself for yourself and your children. You're a fantastic mum - a lot of people would not be brave enough to go through what you are doing, you're superwoman in my eyes. Good luck, sending strength and love

I'm sitting in my room crying my eyes out.

I was told by the woman who showed me around that I could go outside in to the garden and to ask the nursery nurses and they could let me out. My son wouldn't settle to sleep easily so it was a while before I asked to go outside. They said it was too late and that I couldn't go out there now. (The garden is part of the unit and is secure). I didn't know there was a time limit and I just wanted to get outside a breathe for a minute once DS was finally asleep. I didn't realise I'd be this restricted. They then had to go through everything that I brought with me and decide if I can have it or not. They've taken my phone charger (my phone has to be charged in the office). They've locked my deodorant away and I have to ask before I can use it. They initially said that I couldn't have my coffee granuals and cafetiere, but they've now decided that I can but the cafetiere has to be locked away.

I don't know why I'm doing this when I could be at home with my two older children where I feel safe and have freedom. I can't stop crying.

Oh lovely it must feel very overwhelming. I got the sense when I looked around one, that even as an informal patient, there are many restrictions.
Does anyone know you're upset?

@allthesharks no advice here but I just want to offer you a handhold, wishing you all the best in your recovery journey xx

Thank you both. I've just spoken to one of the nurses. She was kind and I've calmed down a lot now. DS is asleep so I'm going to try to get to sleep too.

Thank you for all of the kind and supportive messages. I will re-read them the next time I'm feeling unsure. I know I'm doing the right thing but it is hard.

Oh bless you! It's hard and unsettling when you are admitted. I was in a mother and baby unit 18 years ago after DS2, and I found it really helpful once I had settled in. Give yourself time to settle, and don't expect miracles straight away. Take as much chance to rest and heal as you can xx

Thanks all. DS is quite unsettled. He was awake from around 5am and he took a long time to settle last night. He usually sleeps 7-7. I've said I want him to stay in with me at night. I could opt to have him looked after by the nursery staff overnight but I think it's best for him to stay with me. It's a lot for him to adjust to too.

I know that this is all part of the illness but it seems so unfair that I'm this unwell and now have the entire responsibility of looking after DS, whereas my DP got to have a full night's sleep and wake up when he chooses. I find myself resenting him for that and it's not fair that I am, I just feel like depression is a big enough punishment without having to try to battle sleepless nights too.

Bless you. It must be hard when they are going through your stuff. Just keep telling yourself they have a duty of care and it's part of the process.

Baby was bound to be unsettled first night. See how he gets on and if its too much for you there is help available. Your baby will adapt to a new routine just like you will. But you can try again tonight and see how he goes.

Good luck for your first full day. It's going to be tough as you learn the rules but soon you will know it all and help another new mum to settle.

Is there a lounge where you can sit with baby to see a friendly face?

I think you're amazing for taking this step and for your intent to get better to for your children! And you are doing it for yourself too, I am wishing you all the very best and am sure it can only help make things better. Well done! Take it day by day X

You're doing so well.
Remember you're there to get better, you're doing amazing already.

You're a great mum.
I hope things get easier for you soon.

There is a documentary on mother and baby units by Louis Theroux. I stumbled upon it once x

What you're doing is brilliant and a real act of love for your family OP. Keep on going

I just wished to say massive respect to you and sending you all support and prayers over the ether.

You're making such a difference to your little baby's life. Nothing but admiration for you. Keep going.