I've posted on "Feeling Low" because I'm overdosing on stress at the moment. So much so that I've not posted anything before because my feelings are overwhelming me and I just don't know where to start. I'm on anti-depressants but they're not really helping and my GP's view is that I have too much stress in my life and that to expect them to work would be asking for miracles! I've lost 16 pounds in the last 5 weeks and am struggling with eating.
Anyway I'll try to do this briefly so I can get as quickly as possible to the bit where I could do with people's opinions.
I have three bad areas in my life
- I have returned to work after my maternity leave and they are actively trying to get me to leave or if that doesn't work make me redundant.
- My dh has just discovered that his cancer has returned. We don't know how bad but the consultants letter sound ominous.
- My mother. Some of you may know about this but basically my mother is a control freak and stunningly needy. She can't cope with the fact that I've taken control of my own life at long last (at 35 its about bloody time too) and is bombarding me with emails that are either begging (rarely) or mainly threatening. She uses her husband (my step father) to make threatening phone calls to me, things like "You're killing your mother". Or her to me at dd2's birthday - "I may die next year so you have to spend Christmas with us because this might be my last"(I've heard this line for many years). I've been seeing a counsellor who is fantastic and who happens to know my mother from previous attempts in the past and even counselled my mother for a while. She agrees with me that my mother is unlikely to suddenly see the light and realise that what she is doing is wrong. She is helping me to focus on "re-training her". The problem is that I don't feel able to cope with her anymore. I just want her to go away. She keeps threatening to do this but I know she wont because she needs me too much. She knows about dh's cancer - she sent me a stinking email on the day he had his checkup telling me I was a disgusting daughter. I really can't cope with this much more I need time to focus on my dh and my dds (dd1 is showing distinct signs of stress and is picking up what is going on but at age 4 how can I explain any of it). I've started ignoring her calls on my mobile cos she phones when I'm at work which is also highly stressful but am having difficulties at home because dd1 has taken to running to the phone.
Anyway I could go on but hopefully you've got a basic picture. Yesterday she (dm) offered to go to my counsellor for mediation. She hasn't realised that I've been seeing this counsellor for some time now. I don't know what to say. Part of me wants to say "look, just go away until March next year" but another part of me thinks that she's my mum and that I should strive to keep the door open. Its just that at the moment I'm finding it difficult to get out the door some mornings I feel so black and sessions with her are unlikely to help. I'm not convinced that mediation will help. As I indicated above I'm not convinced that my mum is all there. She was very badly emotionally and physically abused as a child and I think this has left a permanent scar. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?