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Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Original poster

This day is so long already.

77 replies

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 06:41

Woke up at 3:30am - pain and racing mind. I can't go back to bed because of see above and I have online work meetings anyway on and of until mid evening. Then its bed and another night of not sleeping. How are we only three hours into my day?

I can't settle long enough to focus on anything and I just cry instead. My poor poor family having to put up with me. I wish I could go away, so that I wasn't making things worse for them.

dh will be up soon and he will look all worried at me and I can't bear that.

OP posts:

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 06:45

I feel like leaving the house and just going away, so they don't have to face me any more. I know I can't do that rationally - it would be utterly cruel to them and even worse than me being here. I wish I could just stop all this and just be normal for their sakes.

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daisychain01 · 04/02/2021 06:53

So sorry to read this, @OhYouBadBadKitten.

I'm concerned for you, based on your description. Could you arrange a telephone consultation with your GP as a starting point?

I'm a MH First Aider and we're trained not to try diagnosis, but rather to suggest options to help to move things forward. It sounds like this has been ongoing for a while, but there is absolutely no need to go away, your family loves and cares about you. You're going through a rough time and sound like you feel overwhelmed atm.

Rowenasemolina · 04/02/2021 06:57

I’m sorry to hear you are not being cheered up by the coming snowfall

daisychain01 · 04/02/2021 06:57

Are you on meds? If so and they aren't working, your GP will want to know that, to recommend alternatives. Sometimes it's just trial and error with meds.

daisychain01 · 04/02/2021 06:58

Looks like next week is going to be quite active on the snowflake stakes!

imonyourway · 04/02/2021 07:09

Maybe it's time to ring the GP for a chat? Are you in meds? If so, they can change the type or dose?
Can you find a counsellor to have a series of sessions? Lack of sleep is so horrible on top of everything else

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 07:23

Thank you for being so kind, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have posted. I do have a therapist.

OP posts:

imonyourway · 04/02/2021 07:25

Never feel that you shouldn't have posted.
I hope your day goes ok and you get some peaceful time

daisychain01 · 04/02/2021 07:25

Sometimes you just need to get it out there as a release valve, Kitten, do whatever you need to get by. You have a lot of friends on here, you're definitely not alone.

daisychain01 · 04/02/2021 07:27

I'd give you a hand-hold but my hands are absolutely freezing and the temps are only heading in a downward direction. Can you sort it out for us please, we need some nice warm Spring sunshine 😊

dizzydizzydizzy · 04/02/2021 07:29

No need to apologise - it sounds like you are going through a rough time. Yes, call your GP or therapist. Contrary to common belief, GPs are available as normal during lockdown. I have spoken to mine more times during the pandemic than in the whole of the rest of my life. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 07:31

We do need some warm spring sunshine. Seems like we are off into the deep freezer for a little bit instead. Snow showers even into London by Sunday.

I've been running on 4/5 hours of sleep a night most nights for a few months now. I don't think it's very good for mood, but nothing helps.

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Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 07:34

Pain related, but as time has gone on, my mental health has collapsed.

dh is downstairs and being all worried and sad. I hate myself for putting him through this. He's such a lovely kind person and it's dreadful for him.

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BBCK · 04/02/2021 07:36

I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago. I eventually decided to see my GP who changed my meds and I am actually getting some sleep now. Had a full night’s sleep this week for the first time in at least a year.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 07:37

I'm sorry you went through that BBCK. I'm so glad your gp was able to help you.

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TokyoSushi · 04/02/2021 07:37

Oh OYBBK, I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad. I did wonder if you were OK when you hadn't given us a snow update! You are so valued on here, and come across as such a lovely, intelligent and helpful person, I can't imagine that you're anything but the same in real life.

Sending lots of unmumsnetty love and feel better wishes, there's a potential beast from the east coming - we need you!

Neome · 04/02/2021 07:45

Please forgive me OhYouBadBadKitten if anything I say is unhelpful. Take what you like and leave the rest as the saying goes.

For some reason I was thinking about unbearable mental anguish yesterday. I remember it so powerfully but thankfully I’m not experiencing it right now.

I’ve been spending quite a lot of time recently listening to talks and meditations from Plum Village, I think if I wasn’t I might be getting into some difficult thought spirals.

I imagine I understand what you mean when you say you are sad for your family. Again this may be an unhelpful thought but it somehow made me think of ‘Mans Search for Meaning’ and that way of giving meaning to your pain which can make it just slightly more bearable.

Because you are very courageously bearing your heavy burden of suffering right now you are protecting your family from terrible worry, pain and loss which they would feel if you went away. You are doing a very hard thing.

I do wish you the strength and courage to continue to protect your family from losing you. I wish you ease and whatever is needed to give you rest.

Please also accept my gratitude 🙏🏽

niceupthedance · 04/02/2021 08:00

Could you call in sick and see if you can rest today?

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 08:08

I'd have to call up my clients - I'm self employed. I don't know what to say to them: I'm so sorry, I've utterly lost the plot and I'm hiding on the floor behind my bed in the hope that I don't get spotted by my family weeping again.

I've cracked up haven't I? and it's only 8:07. I don't know even why I'm counting down the day - it will just be to lie on the bed and not sleep again.

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daisychain01 · 04/02/2021 08:08

@OhYouBadBadKitten

Pain related, but as time has gone on, my mental health has collapsed.

dh is downstairs and being all worried and sad. I hate myself for putting him through this. He's such a lovely kind person and it's dreadful for him.

@OhYouBadBadKitten you are a lovely kind person too, don't forget.

Your DH is concerned about you, because I bet he knows you're one special person!

You're running on empty and it will take its toll, so if you can focus on self-care getting your sleep pattern sorted, that alone will help enormously. If you can get some natural daylight as well, that's maybe something you've had to put on the back burner with all your work pressures. I block out 30mins in my work calendar and nobody books meetings then or I'd bite their head off .

Put yourself first, for a few small but important changes, it will feel good!

daisychain01 · 04/02/2021 08:14

Can you get your DH onboard to support you. He sounds like a good egg! Either DH drags me out for a 30 min walk at 12.00ish or I drag him. We've both sunk low at various times and had to prop each other up over all this lockdown stuff. DH is self-employed so he's on a knife edge most of the time. It does your head in doesn't it.

Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 08:16

Thankfully getting outside is one thing I am good at and you are right, it does make a massive difference, I'm really fortunate that I live close to woodland that I can get out into and I don't mind muddy paths.

Tokyo and Neome, thank you. You made me cry properly, which is better I think.

Sleep disruption is pain related. I'm in unrelenting pain and at night it is really awful. Nothing touches it, none of my prescribed painkillers and it wakes me up even through sleeping tablets.

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Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 08:20

It does do your head in. I'm shielding, so I can't get together with a friend to talk it out. I tried via zoom, but I always end up as the listener.
Once my first vaccine kicks in a bit more, I'll be able to get out more and that will help. Highlight of the week this week was a hospital appointment over running by an hour, so while I was terrified of getting the virus in the waiting room, I also had a nice random chat with a nurse who was bored.

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Original poster

OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2021 08:22

I think I'll call my gp after my morning meeting. This has clearly gone too far.

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picklemewalnuts · 04/02/2021 08:22

Can you plan a break? Organise your diary, shuffle some clients around, maybe not for today or tomorrow but not too far off?

It sounds like you need a day to switch off, have a bath, a nap, a walk, a take away... whatever it takes.

Pain is a bugger. It's depressing, and it interferes with sleep which is also depressing. Not surprising to feel depressed, then. It helps me to consider it an inevitable, chemical reality that I can choose to ignore. It's not a moral failing or a lack of grit, it's just the logical the outcome of pain and sleep deprivation.

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