Health Anxiety - part three!!

[MrsWhites]

Hi ladies, back again for thread number 3!

Hi everyone, hope you are all feeling good today x

Welcome @polkadotpixie and @getmeacupoftea You are in good company here. We understand what you're feeling x

@TheSilentStars do you mind me asking for a link to the very unattractive but comfy M&S bras please? 😀

@ofwarren I do all the avoiding things too and feel guilty. I went to buy a Marian Keyes book in Asda the other night but it was an edition for breast cancer awareness with the badge on the front and pink page edges so I couldn't. I felt so guilty that I put a reminder to donate in my phone, like that will wipe the bad karma of not buying the book!

I have some compulsions with my anxiety too, like always wearing a certain thing to Drs appts for good luck etc. I have read exposure helps so have been trying to not avoid stuff and face some of my fears. I watched a Stand Up to Cancer thing tonight as it came on and I never changed it over as it was funny, and when they gave the 1 in 2 of us will get cancer statistic I shouted 'no we won't' at the telly 🙈 I did ffwd the rest of them though. I also have a science book about cancer in my Amazon basket while I pluck up the courage to buy it. It's called Rebel Cell and it's about all the advances in understanding about cancer, but from what I can see, no patient stories. It's purely on the science so I think this would be good to get an understanding without the stuff that triggers me. Will I buy it and tell you all about it? Make me do it!

Di any of you avoid joking about death and get the heebie jeebies when you say things like 'I'm dying to do X'? Or when DC are playing games and say they're dead. Or is that just me?! I know how bonkers that sounds 🙈

Off to bed, sweet dreams folks xx

Weirdly, I think I go the other way, so if there is an article about cancer I have to read it, and then cross reference any of the symptoms mentioned. It's like an obsession. I don't watch medical programs particularly, and I wouldn't switch one off if it came on. At the moment I do try and avoid mirrors so, and I will hide adverts on Facebook and things. Breast Wise, I have to use a sponge in the bath, although yesterday I just use soap and felt quite proud.

I also go through the Health thread on mums net every day, I guess it's almost related to my checking.

I didn't say it, because when I do I seem to jinx it, but I'm going to try for no checking Friday Saturday Sunday Monday, I'm having my period anyway, so there's not much point in checking my breasts, and I'm also not going to check Google. And try and tackle my obsessive thoughts. Today I have a big house work day, so lots to get on with. Will get my audiobook going as well, to take my mind off anything. I will be doing things like avoiding mirrors, and using my sponge. But hopefully I will get through the weekend. Anything that might be there will be there on Monday is what I'm going to tell myself! So it's okay to have some time off X

@StooriMidori
I'm exactly the same about death. Even writing the word gives me the creeps.
I haven't even lost anyone close to me but I have such a fear of it. We were told my son had 2 weeks to live just before he had his transplant so I think it stems from there.
When my kids are playing video games, I just cringe when they say things like "I'm dead" or "you just killed me". It's awful.
I really go out of my way to avoid anything to do with it and find I have intrusive thoughts about "how long I have left" and even follow pages on Facebook about longevity 😔

@skyliner001 it's really interesting that you are more likely to read the article, rather than avoiding. I research my own sensations and conditions but I'm looking for reassurance rather than worst case scenario so I avoid those pages altogether.
Do you find that you feel better or worse after reading things like that?
Good luck for a non prod weekend 💐

Morning everyone. Really interesting the discussion around avoidance. I avoid google and cancer stories now, as when I was at my worst, it was making me almost have panic attacks and insomnia. However, I have been doing CBT and one of the modules 'graded exposure' states that avoidance can make anxiety worse and by gradually exposing ourselves to fear, it becomes less scary. I'm not quite there yet, and not in a place I feel I can do this. I'm also not sure it's healthy or beneficial for me to be reading these daily mail type stories.

Interestingly, I'm starting a new job and will be working with cancer data. It is a great opportunity for me, but I'm nervous about whether I can separate. My counsellor seems to think as it's work I might be able to compartmentalise it. I hope she's right!

Hope you are all doing well today and enjoying some sunshine, it's a lovely day here.

I'm terrified of that exposure therapy chorusline
In the CBT book I have here it's talking about fear of death and there is no way I could do those activities for exposure. I cried just reading them! It's one of my main triggers.

Sun is out here too, I really need to sort my head out and get out there and off my phone.

Well ladies, I lasted all of 30 minutes, and then saw what I thought was a dent in my cleavage, it turned out to be where my duvet had been pressing, but I actually cried for about half an hour, and the dog lick the tears off my face. The dent has now gone 😶😳

Going to start again. Really interesting how everybody feels about avoidance, when I read articles I tend to check the symptoms, and that gives me temporary relief because I normally don't have any of them. I'm so familiar with the breast cancer symptoms, and probably most of the studies that are out there, that they don't really trigger me anymore, my own breast trigger me more!

@chorusline79 Sounds like a really wonderful opportunity, it will be interesting to hear how you get on. I know you will do great!

www.marksandspencer.com/padded-non-wired-full-cup-bras-2-pack/p/clp21079005?color=WHITEMIX&prevPage=srp

@StooriMidori, these are they. I'm ordering more this weekend. It says padded but they aren't. Not unless they consider the thicker material to be the padding.

I seesaw between reading everything health related and reading nothing.

Having a really bad today. Already crying that my children will grow up without a mum. I had a feel of my lump on my neck today, and rationally thinking, it's probably just a reactive lymph node that never shrunk back to size. I have no other symptoms, already had a scan in which they said i was probably just fighting off an infection - But I'm convinced that the doctors misdiagnosed me, it's lymphoma, and I'm dying. Has anyone else had a raised lymph node in their neck? I'm exhausted. It's those dreaded words I hear everytime I go back to the GP: "keep an eye on it." That set me off I think. I'm desperate for a line to be drawn. It's been a year now.

@getmeacupoftea

Having a really bad today. Already crying that my children will grow up without a mum. I had a feel of my lump on my neck today, and rationally thinking, it's probably just a reactive lymph node that never shrunk back to size. I have no other symptoms, already had a scan in which they said i was probably just fighting off an infection - But I'm convinced that the doctors misdiagnosed me, it's lymphoma, and I'm dying. Has anyone else had a raised lymph node in their neck? I'm exhausted. It's those dreaded words I hear everytime I go back to the GP: "keep an eye on it." That set me off I think. I'm desperate for a line to be drawn. It's been a year now.

**bad day today

Hi sorry not been active for a while been really unwell with my ear which is strange, spoke to a doc yesterday and I’m seeing them next week, balance bad/dizzy/sick!

I’m going to go through everyone’s responses over past couple of days properly tonight just having a quick check in now but couldn’t read and run @getmeacupoftea I have several raised lymph nodes in my neck that I have had scanned and came back normal! I understand completely they fear they are giving you because mine do the same but luckily for about a week now I haven’t worried about them which is massive for me xx

@tmh88 I'm also struggling with ear issues. What is happening with yours?
I have pain, dizzyness, disoriented, fluid behind my ear drum. I have a hard lump under my tonsil and the same under my jaw. I have an MRI next week.

@tmh88
That is so reassuring, thank you. My sister said today that sometimes people's anxiety needs a material thing to latch on to, rather than a "what if" scenario. Which I think is so true in my case.
Going to humanize the lump to make me feel better. He's called Larry.

@getmeacupoftea I haven't just had a raised lymph-node on my neck, I have actually had lymphoma, I know what it feels like. Honestly, your lunch would have changed by now, and it would've grown extremely quickly. I know it's really hard to accept with health anxiety, but I 100% believe that's the case. My lymphoma lymph-node's were like half golf balls on the side of my neck. And they popped up incredibly quickly.

@ofwarren I’ll reply properly tonight but they think ETD I have a nasal spray thing and an ear popper to use for now xx

They’ve said it’s not gallstones but I definitely have what they called an ovarian lesion

They think it’s a cyst but I have to be reviewed by the Gynae registrar to possibly arrange an MRI in case it’s a tumour so now I’m absolutely shitting myself 😭

I'm only 36, I thought I'd be too young for ovarian cancer to even be a possibility

Oh no @polkadotpixie. Try not to panic. I have the figures from when I was convinced it was ovarian cancer with me and it's something like the vast majority are over 60.
When will you have the MRI?

@polkadotpixie
It's more than likely just a cyst but I totally understand how you feel because I would feel the same.
Do you know when you will find out what's happening?

@Skyliner001 I'm so sorry you went through that. How's it going now? Are you all clear, Or on the way? I feel silly now. (But in a good way.) Thank you so much for the reassurance. It really does help on days like today.

@polkadotpixie

My beloved granny had Ovarian Cancer - 1. She was far older than you, in her 60's, and bless her heart, overweight
-2. She had far more severe symptoms before she was diagnosed, not that I'm trying to downplay yours - but ones there were more "telling" symptoms of cancer if you get me. Xx
-3 Everything is fine. I'll reiterate what you just said about your age. You're way too young for it to be anything sinister! Promise you, you will feel so relieved when it's all over, and wander why you ever worried so much. X (although I know none of us on here can help it)

Thank you all for the support. It's my worst nightmare and I feel like my blood has run cold 😭

I've got to wait for the gynae registrar to review the results and decide if I need an MRI but she's in theatre atm so I'm just waiting

@getmeacupoftea thank you so much for asking, I'm pleased to say this was around 25 years ago! Obviously still have massive triggers from it, but I got through it! No problem at all with the reassurance, it's one of the things I can offer on this site, because lymphoma is such a common fear, even I myself find myself frightened of it again! I have a couple of shotty nodes, and they can freak me out, even though I know they are not lymphoma.