Would any one like to join in an anxiety support thread?

[Heatherandmoss]

I’ve seen lots of posts recently about people having a bad time with their anxiety and I thought an on going thread might be good do people can bob on and offer and receive support, share tips and just generally empathise with some one going through the same thing.

I’ve had anxiety since I was about ten ( I realised after my psychiatrist was able to help me pin point my earliest memory of it)

I think there is a bit of misconception of anxiety as some people think it’s just general worry - but it’s not.

When my anxiety rears her head it’s so physical. I sweat, my face can go numb, pains in my chest. I have a feeling like some one is kicking my front door in and I’m scared for my life and I could just be hoovering. Anxiety jolts me awake when I’m asleep and it rolls down my body like thunder. It makes me catastrophize at 3am and my feet start rubbing against each other ( weird) My anxiety makes me walk in to the kitchen with my kids empty dinner plates and suddenly feel so so over whelmed I struggle for breath and tears leak out in a gasp of raw emotion - all done silently so my kids can’t hear me.

I’ve had to give up drinking alcohol because Jesus the anxiety the next day was shocking and lasted days until I suddenly stepped out the anxiety room.

My anxiety has been bad since November as I’ve got some things going and I’m worried my heart is going to pack in because of the extra ‘thud thud thud’ overtime it’s being doing!

Exercise does help me take the edge of sometimes. I nearly went to the GP the other day as it was rotten but at this moment of time I need to be switched on.

Today has not been to bad. I’m considering it a win.

So I’ve you’d like to join in or have some where to say ‘holy fuck it’s bad today’ hopefully more people will be here and you will know some one knows how bad your feeling.

Hi Zebra, welcome to the thread 🙂
Sorry to hear that you're struggling.
Cats are lovely but can be a nuisance as well! My cat is very loud when she wants feeding.
It's a good idea to tell your tutor that you are struggling. It will help if you need to extend a deadline or just need to talk about what you're struggling with.
You can talk to us on MN as well 😊

Well I was taking down valentines cards today and I usually throw them away, but I thought I'll save them as it might be the last one DH gets from me I might not be here next year.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this

justgivejack I get that

Hi Zebra and welcome. Sorry you are needing to join us though!

Justgivejack - I haven't had a valentine's card for 16 years! If I'd known I was going to be single for this long, I'd have kelp old valentine's cards!!

Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I'm studying healthcare. Cats can definitely be a nuisance - such as doing calming yoga and halfway through having to deal with the cup of water one had knocked over! They can also be fab though so swings and roundabouts.

I'll have a chat with my personal tutor. There are no assignments due imminently so that's good. Maybe it would be good to just keep them in the loop so if I do need to apply for any extensions or anything at least they're aware of it and it doesn't just come out of the blue.

DH and I don't do valentines cards but I always keep the birthday and Christmas cards we give each other.

Yes definitely speak to tutor. Interesting to see we’re all doing similar courses, I’m doing health/social care albeit at college instead of university and the workload is mad!

Yes I'd say it's definitely easier to make them aware before you need the extension, if only because when you need it most you're also most likely to be very stressed/ anxious and not as able to explain clearly what you need.

Definitely agree with the workload being crazy! It's definitely ramped up this year compared to last as well.

My anxiety is horrible today. I'm okay with live online lectures but then trying to do my work independently is really difficult. I can't focus, keep getting distracted and just generally feel overwhelmed

Aww Zebra, I was the same when I was studying. My mental health got really bad when I was doing my teaching assistant course at college.
I think the reason I've struggled so much the past few months is because TAs are expected to do so much more now at my school. The pressure is very similar to when I was at college.
I'm back at work on Monday and absolutely dreading it. Mainly because I'll be back in the pressure cooker and also because of my meds. Mirtazapine makes me sleep a lot. I've been waking up around 10.00am and then I'm groggy and out of it for ages.

Ive struggled with anxiety attacks and depression for most of my life. My mother before me had what I now recognise as panic attacks - crying, screaming, losing control. We used to call them her "wobblers" when we were kids. Depression and anxiety were little understood then. People like that were described as "highly strung".

Other contributory factors from my background were an abusive father and lots of whallopings at the behest of a malicious and snitching sister.

Ive had long periods on various types of medication (ativan, chlorodiazepoxide, etc) and turned into a zombie. Ive also had CBT. None of these helped.

Nowadays I dont take any medication and try to handle the depression by keeping busy and finding other things to do which distract me from my black despair. I try to avoid stress situations which are likely to bring on the attacks. I have a routine and dont answer the door to unexpected callers because I dont want to be sucked into potential stress making situations.

I still have panic attacks when I am unable to put two sensible words together. I scream, cry and smash things. Fortunately I live on my own so there is no one to suffer from my moods, as I suffered from my mothers "wobblers".

Despite all this I manage to operate a successful online business.

Hi Sneaky, sounds like you've been through a lot. My mum suffered badly with her mental health. She still does despite being on a lot of medication. The meds just stop her from going manic which happened a lot throughout my childhood.
The keeping busy thing helped before lockdown. I could go out for meals and go shopping on my 1 day off a week. I worked full time at work, finishing late doing after school club. Also did agency work at the weekend and in school holidays. Then covid happened!
How do you find living on your own? I really struggle with my own company.
That's fantastic about your online business 😊

I find it next to impossible to concentrate on work sometimes too zebra, I try to avoid my phone but half the time the work is so confusing I end up messaging others to see if they understand. This usually results in finding out that people discussed it earlier after checking the group chat and getting anxious to bring it up again so trying to do it on my own without asking anyone for help.

I find listening to music helps too, I tend to put my head down and concentrate on my iPad/the books I need to use. We had a group discussion thing which I was dreading as been having problems and it went rather well

Sorry to hear that you’re anxious about returning to work Loki. I get lonely all the time too, though mainly at night as I find I have to text people first otherwise no one really talks to me. On one hand, no drama, on the other hand the loneliness ...

That’s great about your business sneaky!

Hi sneaky

Hi Tea, did you not sleep very well?
I know what you mean about texting people. I rarely get a text or phone call. I always have to text people first.
I'm going to try to have a nice relaxing weekend. And try not to think about work too much!

How is everyone today? X

I slept really badly and it makes me feel so poorly and panicky. Trying to be calm and take things very slowly.
Remembering to be grateful for the fact I don't have to go to work.

Hope everyone is ok.
Loki I hope you have a relaxing weekend

Wild - sorry you had a bad night. I sometimes get as little as 2 hours sleep and it is really hard to function. I find people really don't understand how hard it is unless they've been through it themselves.
I'm sitting in the church garden, taking a break from gardening. Just listening to the birds and enjoying the sun 😊
This is the calmest I'm felt in months. But worried it's not going to last long, if you know what I mean .

Sorry you had a bad night wildthings, it's horrible when that happens. I've found it happens a lot less since I got used to my weighted blanket, which is nice.
I had a scary time earlier in the week with anxiety attacks/ wanting to SH, but I got through it and I'm doing much better now. It's sunny, which always helps as loki says :)

Sun has helped a bit here too. Got out to the park (so, so glad I got Pokémon go, as I wouldn’t have bothered otherwise today). But then bumped into someone and had a chat and because my anxiety isn’t great today (sort of low level constantly uneasy IYSWIM) I feel worse now from overthinking etc. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be around people. Did get through the home ed week with DS though so that’s good, I think we are back in the swing of it. It’ll be easier when DD1 is back at school and not needing constant nagging to get on with work.

Finding it really hard to get on with housework and stuff today though. Just feel really bad at adulting!

Ok, I don’t normally post on these threads as they set me off, but I need talking down!!
Always had bowel problems, been diagnosed with IBS however nearly 5 years ago I got Breast cancer (aged 42) and since that I’m frankly insane.

I’ve been experiencing bowel issues worse than usual, blood tests are clear, but there was a mix up with stool samples so two were sent. One came back clear and one apparently has really high levels and is abnormal!
I’ve had to do a third one and the bloody results aren’t back yet so I have the weekend now to get through.

Dr said the levels would suggest colitis, but the symptoms don’t fit (no runs, no weight loss, but cramping, wind, mucus etc) but obviously bowel cancer was mentioned (by me) if it comes back abnormal I will have to have another colonoscopy (had one 3 years ago where IBS was diagnosed)

So, here I am, convinced I have bowel cancer, seeing no options but bowel cancer, texting everyone to stress it’s bowel cancer, Googling bowel cancer and looking at whatever comes out in an attempt to find bowel cancer (as if peering down the loo will tell me)

I can’t eat, can’t sleep and as is par for my stomach it’s reacting badly to the stress, so I’m going loads, which obviously must be a sign of bowel cancer....

Are you getting the drift with my anxiety here??

I never go to the Dr, I can no longer face scans etc, I have to gear myself up for my annual breast check, so a stool sample was a cause of much anxiety for me, and look where I am?!? I’ve pooped into a tub three times this week and have caused myself no end of yet more anxiety...

This is coupled with endless checking of breasts because when the cancer fear grips me it grips me big time

I was doing surprisingly well sleep wise Loki, but I made the mistake of accidentally taking a really long nap (2pm-6:30) after I’d done all my work so suffice to say I wasn’t too tired after that! Especially since I spent most of last night bingeing a show.

I feel as though I’ve forgotten how to interact with people too! I’ve tried to force myself out the door occasionally for a walk, though I usually get out of breath when I’ve not even walked for three minutes. I can imagine it looks rather strange when people see me walking down the road and panting like mad cause I’m so out of breath. Attempted exercise when lockdown 3.0 was first announced but now I’ve given up with that and haven’t left the house in a week admittedly. I loved playing Pokemon go too Sing but my phone deleted the app for some reason and it never worked at my local park even when everyone was playing it how rude!

That sounds really tough hatemyhusband I find myself worrying about things being cancer too and end up getting phantom symptoms too somethings, it’s horrible

Tea - what show were you watching? I've been re watching Teachers and Ugly Betty 😊
Hi hatemyhusband, welcome to the thread.
I have IBS , it's horrible enough without the added worry of it being something more serious. Hope you get your results soon 🤞

Thankyou. I hate coming on these things but I’m starting to realise it’s getting out of control with me.
I’m just so petrified. I’m hoping it’s just my IBS causing issues but I don’t know

Thanks for the kind words. The day got better.
Loki sitting in the church garden in the sun sounds bliss.
Rosa I'm glad you're doing better today.
Sing I'm terrible at adulting too. Reluctant grown up My house needs a good sort out but no motivation for it.
I understand about replaying things you said when you bumped into someone. It's awful. I feel socially unprepared for restrictions lifting.
Tea mid afternoon is so hard if you've slept badly. You needs a nap but then get in an unhelpful cycle where you aren't sleepy at bedtime
Hatemy I feel for you. I had 16 years of Colitis then big ops in 2003. Bowel things are really soul destroying. Thinking of you. And I'm not surprised you are frantic to find out what's going on.