Stupidly terrified. Any tips?

[ThisIsNotMyName]

I've always been very anxious indeed about people's reactions to me -- people thinking I'm stupid or hateful in some way.

It's so extreme that it has affected my working life. I would be a successful academic now if I wasn't so screwed up.

Instead I work as a publishing freelancer. All of my dealings with authors etc are by email.

I am so frightened literally frightened of responses from people I work with that I panic when I have to open emails from them, and all of my work is dogged by a fear of disapproval.

This probably sounds pretty stupid to a lot of people, but please don't ridicule me.

I already take ADs. How can I cure this stupid sensitivity?

Aah! (hadn't clicked - was just about to apologise for hijack!)

This really resonates with me:
"Sometimes I lurk on the edge of groups. Other times I just stand on my own, because I'm afraid of pushing my way in and seeming to force myself on people."

That's me exactly too. How do people mingle and work a room or just get chatting in a group situation? I have no idea. I just tend to stand around looking awkward or withdraw completely.

People have told me I'm scary and aloof. That's because I just can't be arsed to attempt smalltalk when I know I'll fall flat on my face. So actually, I probably am aloof!

But for making friends, I can recommend doing something - far easier to talk when there's something to discuss, than to whip up a conversation out of nothing!