I'm very close to suicide

[Notsurewhatsgoingon]

I have posted a lot about my mh over the last few weeks in various topics.

I'm stressed at work. I have 2 kids, one of which has health and sen needs and one a toddler who is being terrible right now.
I have not had a break and never get one.
I honestly think a few weeks back I had a break down. Thing is I was alone looking after the kids at the time so I had to drag myself through it.
I have a dh who is as supportive as he knows how to be but he needs to work and we need the money.

I have pretty much carried on as normal throughout as I have had no choice.
I have asked for help. I have asked for a break. We have no support network as my family don't want to help despite knowing how ill I am. According to mn I'm unreasonable to ask for a break and for family to help out, which I do understand.

There is no end in sight.
I'm becoming a terrible parent as I have screamed at my kids all day. I don't pay them as much attention as I should. I'm on my phone constantly as an escape. I do the basics.

Dh can't take time off so this is it.
I have done the house work etc I have taken the kids to appointments etc I have done everything I normally would and I have plastered a smile on and chatted as a normal person so probably people (except dh) think I'm ok.
I'm not. I cry inside every day. I'm awake at night.
I'm exhausted.
My kids take take take and I feel so angry with them for it but it's not their fault. They are hanging off me 24/7 they constantly argue and I can't stand another minute. But like I say there is no way out as there is only me to care for them. Apart from death thats the only way il get a break to heal. I need time to heal my mind. I can't get better and be a better mum here. I can't begin to be myself again when the drudge continues. I don't know what else to do

You aren’t alone here.

Please call your GP or Samaritans immediately, it doesn’t have to be this hard but you need help x

Hello

You are so close to losing everything, you must call your GP surgery and be blunt with the reception team. You don't have to be rude, just talk plainly and ask for help.

You do need help, you do need a break and you are worthy. Please, know that there is a stranger out here willing you to get help, wanting you to keep safe.

Tell your husband you need a break as your mental health is suffering.
Text SHOUT - sorry I can't remember the number but I'm sure someone else will have it.
Call your GP and ask for an urgent appointment as you are feeling suicidal.
Sometimes you need to throw money at the problem - if you have ANY spare cash, could you ask a local teenager to babysit the children? I appreciate it's hard with SEN.
On that note, try Barnardos or any other local disability charities for help. They can sometimes do things to help.
If you really get to the point where you think you will harm yourself then call 999 or present at A&E. hope that helps a little bit. You're not alone x

Please reach out to your doctor or to the Samaritains, or go to A and E if you no longer feel you can keep yourself safe.

At the moment all you can see is life exactly as it is, or no life at all. But your life can and will change, and there will be days that don’t feel as hard as today does. Talk to DH and make sure he knows how bad you are feeling. Talk to your GP about your options. There is always another way. I hope you feel better soon.

So why not ask for time off work? Get a doctor's note. Or heck, quit. Surely that makes more sense than bumping yourself off. Not saying it wont create more problems but itll give you a short term break whilst you look for a job that isnt as taxing.

This is so sad and it all sounds very hard for you. Please stop plastering on a smile when you speak to people, you need to be honest so that people can see how much you're struggling - they can't help you if you're hiding your problems away. Consider picking up the phone to a family member and telling them exactly how desperate you feel right now. They might surprise you and rally the family to offer support. If not, you've lost nothing and will at least know that they're not worth your time in future.

Things won't always be this tough, your children will become more independant as they grow older. You will get through this, somehow. Please don't end your life - I think this is a situation where suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. One day you'll look back and realise you've turned a corner and that life can be enjoyable.

@Bunnymumy

So why not ask for time off work? Get a doctor's note. Or heck, quit. Surely that makes more sense than bumping yourself off. Not saying it wont create more problems but itll give you a short term break whilst you look for a job that isnt as taxing.

Yes this. There are so many other options you could take before getting to that point. Heck I'm sure your husband would quit his job too if it meant he got to keep his wife.

Take parental leave, or even unpaid leave from work if you can. Don't think "I can't ask for that" because it is available to everyone, you just have to ask. Don't worry about what other people at work will think, it's none of their business. You are more important than work.

You deserve help. It is not unreasonable to ask for it.

You deserve a break. It is not unreasonable to ask for it.

Your DH can't take time off? Being blunt here- if you kill yourself, he will have to, won't he? Have you told him just how bad things are for you? That you are considering death as an escape?

I think you need to call either your GP or a local mental health helpline (NHS info on those here:www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline), and do it as soon as you possibly can.

Sorry, link didn't work, here it is again www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

If you are on the edge, go to a&e xxx we are all here.

Please keep talking to us op. We are all here for you to offload to.

Please get support, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123.

Visit www.giveusashout.org/get-help/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwvvj5BRDkARIsAGD9vlKuWxNe6926jTMT5j_rg7r2JtdjJe3VSwRtloD94HYgDAgcsCJtDSMaAko2EALw_wcB

Call your GP and tell them plainly how you are feeling.

Above all you need to tell your DH honestly how you are feeling. He can't help you if he doesn't know.

Please don't leave your children without a mother. They need you much.

Please call the Samaritans straight away on 116 123

I called them a few years ago and I'm still here and glad to be.

You are not alone and you need help. [flowers}

Please seek help OP, it's out there, you and your family need support x

Please don't. What you leave behind will be far worse than what you are escaping from.

Get help, speak to your GP or Samaritans.
Could you take some time off from work?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters here, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

Take care

Committing suicide would get rid of your problems yes. But it would ruin your children's and your husbands lives forever. Can you find it inside yourself to just fight a bit more and get some help? Go to A&E, call gp or 111, tell a friend or family member.

I was you. I couldn't see a way out. But I managed to talk to a friend, and then another and it became easier. I took time off work and dumped my kids on anyone that would take them. The headspace app saved my Life. Even if you lose your job it's better than your children losing their mother. Be gentle on yourself.

So sorry you're feeling this way OP- it sounds like things have been really bloody tough for you. As others have said please contact your GP and Samaritans. You are the centre of your kids' world- as draining and irritating as they're hanging off you feels right now, that is their way of letting you know how much they love and need you. It sounds like your cup is empty and you need to recharge and refill it.
If you have any spare cash definitely get a teen babysitter in if you can- any friends with young adult kids on holidays from Uni or similar? You could just go upstairs and rest whilst they watch the kids downstairs. Or is it possible for you to go away somewhere for the weekend- to a friend/family member- whilst your DH has kids?

You won't feel like this forever and you will get past this and reach a better, happier, more settled mental space. You are loved and you are very much wanted here so please don't check out now.

OP phone the dr now, they'll still be open. It will take a few weeks for medication to work but it will. You have done a good thing in posting on here

Thanks all.

This was me a couple of years ago. The doctor gave me some sleeping tablets initially and my DH got up in the night with the kids. That was my starting point to getting better and then I was on anti-depressants for six months which also helped me sleep. Your body and mind needs to rest, I didn’t realise just how much just basic sleeping would help me

I can promise you categorically, that if your loved ones knew you really felt this way they would want to do everything in their power to support you and make you feel safe and loved. I bet your family love you a tremendous amount.
Please seek out some real life help, you don't need to feel this way and things can and will get better. Suicide is never the right answer.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this bad.
So many virtual hugs to you OP. You're really brave to speak out to us. We're all rooting for you.

I feel for you. I have been there very recently and I know how hard it is. Someone on MN said to me ‘don’t let someone else tell your dd about periods etc’ and it has stuck with me. Now you is not future you.
And for record, I don’t think you are unreasonable to ask family for help.

This is a chapter in your life. An unimaginably hard one, please call Samaritans, you need some help.

Look how strong you are.

Know that you are not alone