I have posted a lot about my mh over the last few weeks in various topics.
I'm stressed at work. I have 2 kids, one of which has health and sen needs and one a toddler who is being terrible right now.
I have not had a break and never get one.
I honestly think a few weeks back I had a break down. Thing is I was alone looking after the kids at the time so I had to drag myself through it.
I have a dh who is as supportive as he knows how to be but he needs to work and we need the money.
I have pretty much carried on as normal throughout as I have had no choice.
I have asked for help. I have asked for a break. We have no support network as my family don't want to help despite knowing how ill I am. According to mn I'm unreasonable to ask for a break and for family to help out, which I do understand.
There is no end in sight.
I'm becoming a terrible parent as I have screamed at my kids all day. I don't pay them as much attention as I should. I'm on my phone constantly as an escape. I do the basics.
Dh can't take time off so this is it.
I have done the house work etc I have taken the kids to appointments etc I have done everything I normally would and I have plastered a smile on and chatted as a normal person so probably people (except dh) think I'm ok.
I'm not. I cry inside every day. I'm awake at night.
I'm exhausted.
My kids take take take and I feel so angry with them for it but it's not their fault. They are hanging off me 24/7 they constantly argue and I can't stand another minute. But like I say there is no way out as there is only me to care for them. Apart from death thats the only way il get a break to heal. I need time to heal my mind. I can't get better and be a better mum here. I can't begin to be myself again when the drudge continues. I don't know what else to do