Suicidal after breakup

[bookworm100]

Just that really. 32, happened this morning. Truly heartbroken and crushed. Didn't see it coming. Can't see a way out of the pain. Have had MH problems in the past and think this might be it. Anyone been there and have amy advice? The pain is excruciating

I am feeling the same and have diazepam for those awful moments and they do help. It sounds like you are feeling much more positive

Wow! What am amazingly honest and positive post. I'm so impressed and proud of you for coming so far in a very short space of time.

I see so much of myself in the things you're passionate about. Eg wanting to write a book. I've always joked and said mine would need to be a trilogy, so much has happened. As bad as it was, I can laugh about most of it now.

It's good that you've started to think about how you "feel the desperate need for the love of a man so much." The linger you're alone and working in yourself, the more this will makes sense to you. I used to think "how am I ever going to find someone to love me again?" I craved love and was so lonely. Now, I know it's more important to ensure I love myself, inside and out before I even think about commitment.

This site is a lifeline for so many of us and I'm so glad you've managed to gain support through it too. You're heading in the right direction, most definitely. You know you'll have set backs but you have a plan of action, which sounds just fantastic.

Well done. it's made my morning knowing you're having a better day, so far. ❤️

I love your post OP and I too have no children or a husband but post on Mumsnet because people are so supportive here.

Don’t give up. You’re doing so much to tackle this mental health issue and it’s clear you’ve so much to offer yourself & the world.

I love this paragraph:

I have created a Pinterest board of all the things I want from my future to remind me it is still out there for the taking

It's great to see your update OP and I'm so glad you're thinking more positively. As painful as a hard breakup is, it can also present so many opportunities to reconnect with yourself and do the things that make you happy.

I think a lot of people who have been in your shoes (including me) look back after a year or two and think: a) I had a lucky escape and b) I'm so proud of myself for coming through it and becoming a stronger and happier person. You will get there, there will be ups and downs over the next few months but the pain will go in time.

Hear hear to this:

I think a lot of people who have been in your shoes (including me) look back after a year or two and think: a) I had a lucky escape and b) I'm so proud of myself for coming through it and becoming a stronger and happier person. You will get there, there will be ups and downs over the next few months but the pain will go in time

Forget all that, complete regression. Desperately suicidal and don't think I can cope with life. Meant to be going into the office tomorrow but all I can think about is whether I'll even be alive by then. I've got pre-existing mental health issues and top of this it is going to kill me. I just can't see me having a happy life so why bother.

How am I ever going to find someone to love me with all my issues. It isn't going to happen. I just don't seem to be able to cope with life the way others do and am constantly hanging on by this suicidal thread and I really do feel like it's just a matter of time before it snaps.

I stumbled across this right now. Please read back your thread. It might help. Call Samaritans.

I'm feeling exactly the same. If my child didn't turn 18 this week I wouldn't be here now. I've stockpiled meds. I don't want to live without him.

I'm 20 years older than you, you've your whole bright future ahead. Please think about that. I fucked up my whole life for a narcissist I fear now.

Can you call Samaritans again? Or call your psychiatrist? Have you taken any xanax?

@bookworm100, this is just one of those waves. Think of the positives, your Pinterest board and hold onto it. Take the medication , it will pass again

You've got so much of your life left to live. Don't let one breakup ruin it. You will heal, you will come through this and you will be happy.

OP, can you call in sick tomorrow? Call your GP and get something to calm you? I have propranolol for when my anxiety is bad and sometimes ask for diazepam when it's really bad. I've been following your thread because I'm struggling with my mental health currently too, as well as a relationship breakdown of sorts. I think you are brave and hope your feelings get easier soon. If you haven't yet read Matt Haig's Reasons to stay Alive I recommend it. I sometimes pick it up when I'm feeling hopeless.
I'm thinking of you op. x

OP I was in a very similar place to you last year. My ex left me for someone he had known for one day! I was absolutely devastated and didn't actually know how I would go on, i was 31 and thought that we were going to get married and have a future etc but he obviously thought differently...
I stopped eating and lost a stone and a half in 2 weeks (I did not weigh a lot to start with) and was under observation at work in case I collapsed or something due to the lack of eating. I was depressed and I wanted to sell up my hobby and just hide away from the world. I literally thought my life was over.
But I am still here, a year on :) I won't say it was easy and i do every so often regress back but the gaps between episodes are getting bigger. I'm not going to say it is easy because it isn't and it will take time but you will be ok :)
What helped me was friends and mumsnet! I daren't look back at them but me and a few other people filled up 4 'break up support' threads last year, they eventually fizzled out as we all started healing. I also went to a counsillor which really helped. I also muted my ex on all social media (I couldn't face blocking him but also didn't want to see the pics of him and his new partner) he's still muted and I'm glad I made that decision, you could also try that.

You will be ok :)

I’m feeling the same. Don’t do anything stupid you have your whole life ahead of you x

I know how shitty you feel, I really do. I've been there more than once and very recently too. I have nobody to talk to who truly understands how I feel so I rely on myself and my inner strength. I know eventually the pain will subside and I can start to feel hopeful again. I have so much to be thankful for but some days that means very little.

Please reread your posts from yesterday. You are heading in the right direction. Keep talking to us, we are here for you. ❤️

I highly recommend the book - 'it's called a break up because it's broken'. It's funny and compassionate and I've read it after 3 break ups to keep me on track.

Just seen you last post @op - there is absolutely no definitive proof to say that you will be alone forever and that no one will be able to deal with your 'issues'. As a human being you hold limitless intrinsic value - no matter your 'flaws' or Imperfections. What other people think of you has no bearing on your worth as a person.

You are articulate and intelligent, and I'm sure you have plenty more brilliant traits.

OP, take some deep breaths. A slow in breath for five and a slow, smooth out breath for five. If it helps, sometimes I mentally say ‘calm’ with the in breath and ‘ease’ with the out breath.

You are NOT your ‘issues’. Would you be happy to tell us more about your interests?

What are you going to write a book about?

What languages would you like to learn?

Morning OP, how you doing?
I really want you to look back at this thread and see how much support you have, it's beautiful and so empowering. I'm sure that there are also people reading this feeling the same and your honesty is helping them seek help, so thank you for that too

Op I hope you have woken up today and either gone to the GP or to work.
I know you are in immense pain but being part of a family where someone committed suicide I can only try and explain the pain that you will give your family and friends should you feel you can't go on.
They will have that pain for the rest of their lives, and these are people who love and care for you.
Please think very carefully, as an anonymous poster on a site I urge you to see a doctor, nothing is that hopeless.x
Please look after yourself.

It’s not a straight line OP. It’s a painful path of twists and turns, peaks and troughs of emotionally overwhelming sensations. The best way to cope is to sit with them in the moment - let them rise in your body, track the sensations to the peak and down the otherside. Sit and feel the agony watch it recede and in that gap rest and do all of your self care. Have deep compassion for your self - you are going through the worst and you have the capacity to lead a rich fulfilling life as you have described. That’s the light to cling to and focus on when the waves come. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Be here now - what is around you. What’s on your grateful list. Don’t look forward (triggers extreme anxiety catastrophising a future you don’t know) or look back (stuck in a loop of self loathing triggering depression) - just stay in this moment - have a glass of water, listen to a song, phone a friend, get some air, walk around the block. Be gentle with yourself you have taken a real beating.

OP, how are you today and did you go to work? You have been in my thoughts, I just wanted you to know.

Hope today has been a little better for you.

Tomorrow would have been my wedding day, it’s also ironically the day I broke up with my ex. I feel so upset today and low

Hi everyone. I made it into work today. I had to go because I had a meeting I couldn't get out of. Another very dark day. The worst part is that I have just started a new job and I'm really not enjoying it. I find the work itself really stressful (I took it because I was desperate for money at the time and thought I could cope with the stress because I had a steady home life) and I don't feel comfortable with the people. Now I don't have that and I have committed myself to a stressful corporate life I really didn't want in the first place. I know I probably need to start looking for a new job but I just feel like such a failure, I haven't even had my second pay check yet. It pays well but I don't think it's compatible with my mental health. But I don't know how a less-well paid job would allow me to ever move out of my parents, forget buying even just renting. I feel totally stuck in a life I didn't want. All I want is to be happy with someone and making a home life and instead I've got a stressful corporate job, living with my parents and battling mental health issues. It just all feels too much. I've started having really violent fantasies about how I want to die some really gruesome death and I do feel like I'm slipping closer and closer. The only thing that stops me is not wanting to upset anyone, and I think in the end that would stop me. But I feel like I just want it all to end but I'm too scared/conscientious to do it and these are the thoughts that go round and round in my head on a loop and it's exhausting. I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be in my life by now and I'm so worried I'll never get there.