Health anxiety

[Mvshrln]

Hi all,

I've seen a couple of health anxiety threads on here but they're all quite old/inactive and wondered if there were any more recent ones, or if anyone fancied discussing it via this new thread? It's helpful when someone else knows how you feel.

I really struggle with HA, the thoughts bounce around my head until I fixate on one and worry about it relentlessly. I can see why the anxiety has appeared (friends parent passed away, the covid-19 situation has terrified me, I'm getting older/have life events happening like buying a house, and I also work within the hospice sector). It's helpful to know why but it doesn't help with how to deal with it! I'm currently taking venlafaxine and CBT counselling via videocall but the worry takes up huge chunks of my day.

Nightmare! How is everyone else?

@Goolies I always get a sore lump in my armpit when I ovulate (think it is the same side I ovulate from which is so weird!) and get sore generally at different points in my cycle so think it is very much hormone related but definitely get checked out if you can to put your mind at ease.

I have had every illness under the sun according to my anxiety this weekend - has been a really tough one. Headaches, so of course it must be a brain tumour.. pain in my knuckle and right knee so of course it must be bone cancer.. honestly, I am utterly exhausted by my own thoughts! Trying so so so hard not to google!

I have had sertraline prescribed but I have laparoscopy for endo next week so haven't started taking the meds yet (sounds stupid, but I didn't want to disclose as 'regular medication' pre op), planning to start taking after the op.

xx

Thank you @Amz6219 I’m sorry to hear you had a tough weekend too. I’m the same I’m flirting from one cancer to the next. Went from ovarian, stomach, to breast in a few days. It’s so tiring.

I don’t even know if this thing I’m feeling is a node, lump, rib I’ve just been prodding again :( husband is working away today and DS at school so it’s just me and my mind.

I might try and get a nurses appointment at the surgery and see if I can get in some point this week. Also looking at the Nuffield 360health check. They do everything. But not sure if they will be offering right now due to Covid.

Good on you for not googling you’re stronger than me. I wish I never had that shower yesterday.

@Goolies I really don’t think that is anything to worry about, it’s probably always been there but you’ve never noticed it before, I’m terrible for finding something in the shower...I use one of those puffy things now to stop me obsessing over things.

I’m still stressing over the bleeding I’ve had. I’ve still got a touch of brown spotting for the 4th day now (third after sex), I know it’s almost certainly just my period but my mind won’t let me rest. Every time I go to the toilet I get anxious again! 😡

@mrswhites I need to start using a thick sponge to shower with, I can’t keep doing this myself. Tried to get a nurse appt but no availability. :(

I don’t think you have anything at all to worry about either. It’s your period. The dates match up right? If it was bleeding outside of your cycle it would be happening all the time there wouldn’t be any doubt about it, even then it can be caused by so many innocent things. But this is your period :)

@MrsWhites I agree, it’s definitely your period, it has happened to me on more than one occasion xx

@Goolies hope you’re feeling ok. It will definitely be something that’s always been there, you sound exactly like me, I work myself up so badly about things but I can be rational when it’s someone else. The thing I try to remember is that a lot of people who find a breast lump don’t even check their breasts regularly so they don’t go out of their way looking for it, it’s noticeable without even trying. You would be in no doubt at all if you’d found something that needed looking at. I know it’s easy for me to say but it’s true and I hate the thought of you being in that dark place I know only too well xx

Hi, just an update. I am back from the gynae appointment and I have a cyst. 3,5cm diameter. It is not on the ovary, but next to it. I have to go back in January to monitor and I it hasn't gotten smaller or disappeared I might have to have an operation.

Very conflicted about this info. One side of me is happy that it's a cyst and the doctor assured me it's not cancer. But then I am also thinking, what if she was wrong or that it's a manifestation of something else going on in my body.

Thanks ladies, it’s reassuring to someone to talk to who understands how the anxiety feels.

I definitely recommend the shower puff/sponge thing, I got to the point where I was dreading getting in the shower every evening because I’d feel something probably normal and then the anxiety starts, my heart would start to race, I’d get upset and start to panic and then it’s so hard to come back down from that point!

@argueifnecessary I’m sure the doctor wouldn’t diagnose a cyst if she wasn’t sure, I believe they look different on scans anyway because cysts aren’t solid so probably quite easy for a doctor to tell the difference. Good that they are monitoring in January too, will maybe give you some reassurance that it’s been checked twice.

@Lib3rtine thank you. I pray that you are right. I don’t know how to move on from this. I phone Nuffield to ask about the 360 health assessments they do, the next appt is January! I might phone my surgery again tomorrow and see if I can see a nurse. It’s so exhausting. I know nobody has any guarantees of what’s going to happen and most people live fine with this uncertainty, I wish I could be.

I’ve lost a lot of people close to me and it’s put the rest of god into me!

@argueifnecessary I know this feeling, I went to get a lymph node in my neck checked by my doc and when I got home I started questioning whether he really felt it or was he just making things up to make me feel better!

It will only be a cyst if that’s what they have said for sure, the question is whether it will just go away or need to be removed but it’s defo just a cyst if they saw it and that’s what they told you.

I think the questioning is just part of the health anxiety package. My DH or in fact most people I know would never question anything.

I saw it too, it looked like a perfect black ball. She looked at my ovaries and they looked good. I do trust it was a cyst but then I started thinking that when I go for the operation, they'll find something else there. It's so ridiculous and so predictable and yet we can't do anything about it.

Definitely need to go on medication. It was not a nice day for me. I also waited for 2 hours, just sitting at the waiting room and my phone was not working so you can all imagine what my mind was doing ..

Hi everyone. I have a CBT appointment tonight and my task was to note down every time I started to feel panicked and what the cause of the panic is. In a week it’s been everything from heart attack to stroke to skin cancer to brain tumour... she’s going to think I’m crazy! I really hope this helps, it’s unbearable. Hope you’re all okay.

@argueifnecessary it will definitely be a cyst, like others have said, they can clearly tell the difference when they look at them, they just need to keep an eye on it in case it needs to come out as sometimes cysts do have to be removed even though they’re not sinister.

@Goolies it really will be nothing. Is your GP’s surgery doing telephone triage appointments? If you really are that worried could you get a telephone appt and explain your worries and see what the doctor says? I’m pretty sure if you tell them you can feel the same thing on both sides they’ll tell you it’s normal. The other thing would be try and forget about it for a week, then have another feel and if you’re still worried then ring the doctor?
I know what you mean about living with the uncertainty, that is the thing that I struggle with and what I’m hoping CBT will help me address x

@Ashmarie let us know how you get on, I’m hoping my referral comes through soon. She won’t think you’re crazy at all, she will have seen it a lot of times before and trained to deal with all these issues. I really hope it works for you, I hope we can all learn to control this x

@argueifnecessary i totally get how your feeling, a gaiah I’ve done it too. I was when I was giving birth in case they find something, I even get scared when my dentist does an x ray, I was shaking with worry.

It’s your mind. Just your mind. They won’t find anything at all. Oh gosh I can imagine what the 2 hour wait was like. How awful. Sorry to hear you had a rubbish day. X

@lib3rtine I don’t know if I can wait a week. I can’t have another weekend (well sunday) like this one. I was a mess. Had to make fairy cakes and engage with my folks whilst thinking all the time this is the last time I decorate cakes with my son etc. I cried my eyes out today when I was home alone. If I can wait I will, I will see how I feel in the morning. I seem to wake up with dread. Only peace I have is sleeping at the moment.

@Goolies do you have any hobbies that can help to distract your mind? When I feel as bad as you I try to get into reading a good book, after a while I will find that I haven’t thought about whatever I was worrying about for a while.

I can’t tell you how much this thread helps me to realise I’m not alone. I thought it was just me that panics about any medical treatment just in case they find something else!

@Goolies if you feel that bad then ring the doctors in the morning. I have been where you are so many times so completely understand. Your anxiety is sky high and magnifying everything but you really don’t have anything to worry about x

@MrsWhites

I find that too. It helps an awful lot to know that we're not alone. Before this thread I hadn't really separated my anxieties. I thought worrying about my health is just part of my anxiety but obviously not.

I remember getting weird sensations around my bellybutton when I was about 9 and this is the first time I remember having lots of anxiety about something like that. It hasn't been constant over the years but it has more or less always been in the background. I used to think I had HIV because I had unprotected sex once. and then every single thing I got I wrote down to HIV. For example getting thrush, a cold, or anything minor. It was all because my immune system wasn't working.
@Goolies what you're describing sounds like a rib. How long is longish?

Also, sometimes I need to remind myself cancer is also treatable (at least to an extent) it helps to remind myself then that for example making fairy cakes would not be the last time because I would have at least 5+ years left. It's a stupid morbid thought but I find little steps like that help sometimes.

Morning ladies, @Lib3rtine I’m trying to call the surgery now I’ve been on hold for 25 min! Let see if they can’t fit me in today I will try and wait a week as it’s still very sore.

@MrsWhites it’s strange how we all think in such similar ways but always feel like we are the only ones. I do often think ok if I got something bad hopefully I would have at least 5 years, that would give me time to I still the things I want to of value for my DS leave memories videos photos etc. Then I think how messed is my head to be thinking like this!

He doesn’t have any cousins or sibling and I really worry about him. If he had a sibling I would feel a bit calmer in that he would always have someone. It bothers me so much. I don’t know how to work around this fear as there is not anything I can do to change that situation. X

@Goolies I hope the doctors have answered and you are feeling a bit better. I was thinking the same last night, it’s strange how we can all see each other’s fears for what they are - just fear, not real symptoms but we can’t see that for ourselves.

Does anyone else find the media makes it worse, especially that there are so many adverts for cancer research etc. I know they are so important for fund raising but I find them very hard to watch, they magnify my fear and I see them as almost a sign or a warning!

@MrsWhites they couldn’t fit me in today so I’m going to see if I can wait a week. If not I will call again tomorrow morning.

Social media has made things so much worse. Yep I always think it’s a sign when I see things like that. Like someone from above is telling me take action or I’m doomed. Even social media in general is awful, people painting the perfect picture of their lives, I probably sounds like a right miserable git but I just don’t like all that fake show, people don’t talk as much, puts pressure on us to hide our vulnerabilities to fit into this online world.

@Goolies you are absolutely right - I often look at peoples social media and think why can’t I just be normal like them and enjoy the life I have. In actual fact they probably have problems/issues of their own but social media paints everyone as having a perfect life! I am trying to make an effort to not use it as much.

I’m wanting to put my Christmas tree up next week so I am trying to keep busy by doing the pre Christmas tree clean of the house, it does seem to work because if I get stuck into a job I find I haven’t thought about my many health worries whilst I’ve been focused on the task at hand.

@MrsWhites I’m going to try that today. I’m home alone again I really don’t want to fall into the spiral I did yesterday with hand soap and constant checking for lumps!!

Will see if I can manage the whole day without checking I know it will be hard but I do have a lot of cleaning to get done! X

@MrsWhites I think that too! If I see an advert or read an article about cancer, I’m convinced it’s a sign! It really does amaze me how many of us there are who are experiencing the same torturous thoughts.
@Goolies hope you’re ok today and you manage to go the full day without checking, that would be an amazing achievement! I agree with @MrsWhites I can see other people’s fears for what they are but all rational thoughts go out of the window when it’s me! x

Hi everyone
@Goolies I really hope you're feeling a bit better and can distract - so hard!

I had a good weekend and felt quite normal as had some reassurance from doc last week that my chest spot looks benign and she thinks it's a cyst - this was all over e consult though, and I do find it hard to trust it...
but I lost it a bit yesterday evening as I found a lump on the back of my neck on the left side and had to fight so hard not to google as I know it will tell me cancer inevitably. Didn't sleep last night very well and intrusive thoughts are consuming me . Didn't help that my 4 year old daughter was crying last night when I put her to bed as she told me she loves me so much she will really miss me when I die, it really set my anxiety going,

Trying to work today but I've made myself tender and paranoid about this bloody lump in my neck, though I'm sure it's actually been there ages ...

I've just started CBT last week but it's early days with that and it's all an online thing which isn't quite what I was expecting but trying to keep an open mind. I hate this condition so much, it came on quite suddenly for me and I just want to go back to the person I was without this sense of dread and fear, as finding it is taking enjoyment of life. Sending love and support to everyone struggling today with this horrible HA.

@chorusline79 hi, glad you had a good weekend, don’t let the lump in your neck set you back, again it’s likely a lymph node in that area!

@Lib3rtine I try to remind myself that when I see an advert for the lottery, that never turns out to be a sign that I’m going to win 😂

@Goolies setting yourself a challenge of not checking for a whole day is brilliant, even if you don’t manage the whole day, see how many hours you lasted for and try to better it tomorrow. Before you know it you won’t have checked for days!